Chat With My Daughter: The Best holidays ever 2024

This episode focuses on how holiday celebrations in a blended family can evolve into meaningful experiences through presence and participation. Mariah and her father Lyric discuss their past Christmases and share how intentional activities, like the Elf on the Shelf, have transformed their holiday spirit. 

• Mariah shares her experiences of Christmas before the blended family 
• The transformation of family traditions into joyful experiences 
• The role of Elf on the Shelf in fostering connection and creativity 
• Importance of being present in family activities 
• Discussion on the impact of active parental involvement in children's happiness 
• Reflecting on the significance of creating memories together during the holidays 

If you find this value in today's conversation, please share it with a loved one!

Chapters

• 0:00 Blended Family Holiday Reflections
• 5:25 Rediscovering Holiday Joy Together
• 9:49 Embracing Family Holiday Joy
• 17:43 Shared Holiday Joy and Family Connection
• 22:32 Importance of Fatherly Presence in Relationships
• 29:14 Spreading Holiday Joy Together

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:47

Hey, what's going on, you guys? It's your host Lyric.

Speaker 2: 0:50

And it's Mariah, and this is 15 Minutes with Dad.

Speaker 1: 0:59

And this is 15 Minutes with Dad, and we are here to have a conversation with you guys. My precious daughter has joined us today for a special episode for um during this beautiful holiday season. I think it's holiday spirit that got her into her and now I'm cool enough to have a podcast episode with it's so great thanks for joining us, mariah yes, anytime, anytime, yeah, it's great.

Speaker 1: 1:25

You know our, our teenagers. They're so famous these days so it's hard to keep up with them and their schedules in life. So, um, she thank you for taking a precious time to spend with me today. Um, I won't take up too much of it. I know that it is so busy with everything that teenagers are teenagers very busy, yeah I really appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 1:48

And um, and today, guys, we're have. I just want to have a conversation with my daughter. It's been a while and you haven't heard from her. She's still alive, she's out here. I'm sorry. Alive and healthy.

Speaker 1: 2:00

Yeah, yeah, she's still alive and healthy, very well Living her life, you know, and she wanted to come and join us, and so here we are, and we're going to talk today specifically about this holiday time, because it could be a hard time. It could be an easy time, with us being in a blended family. Sometimes it's difficult to really enjoy and be present for holidays and all the different makings, and as teenagers, they're becoming so famous these days. They have their own lives and they have all these other things that pulls them in different directions, and balancing is what we're trying to navigate these days. So, hey, mariah, hi, how is your Christmas break so far?

Speaker 2: 2:48

It's pretty good. I feel like I needed this break, especially from just school and stuff like that, because I feel like it's been good. You know, I feel like I needed this break, especially from just like school and stuff like that, because I feel like it's been going for so long, like it's only been like three months, four months, but I feel like it's been going forever. So I feel like this break has been going pretty good too. You know what?

Speaker 2: 3:04

makes it great I think like actually like spending time with everybody and I'm actually like being around, because usually, like I go to school and then I get home and then I'll like take a nap or something and then go to practice and by the time I come back it's like then we'll have like dinner and then it's like bedtime or something like that, you know yeah so it's like now, it's like we're actually, I'm actually able to like spend time with everybody and stuff like that and not having to like stress out about anything.

Speaker 1: 3:32

So I feel like yeah yeah, yeah, I feel the same way, because I go to work and then come home and then eat dinner and then sometimes cook dinner and then eat dinner and then put the kids to bed and then take a night, go to sleep, maybe game a little bit and crash out and do it all over again every day. Yeah, I can't say I hate it, but because it supports our lifestyle, I don't have to like to work, um, whoa, um. So there's this thing that I was talking to many of the dads about, of about something that I've been working on, and so I want to get your perspective on been working on, and so I want to get your perspective on past, um, past perception versus this christmas perception and the different, if there's a difference, what that difference is and that stuff. So I want to ask a couple questions regarding that stuff. Okay, um and so, um, in the past, how do you, how do you perceive our christmases like when, before, we blended our family?

Speaker 2: 4:35

um, before I think it was more like christmas. It was just like we were just opening gifts and then that was it. You know, we'd like watch a movie and then eat, and that was pretty much it. Like we didn't really do like really much of anything, yeah, so I feel like that was that. But like now I feel like we're like actually like doing stuff and you can like fill it I don't know how to explain like not like like before we didn't feel like I didn't feel the holiday spirit, but like I feel like now, like it's more like like like I don't know how to explain it like you're doing great.

Speaker 2: 5:13

You're doing great but like, like we're, I feel like we're kind of more connected and stuff and we're like doing things together rather than like just buying. Like I feel like we're doing stuff like leading up to christmas yeah and then like christmas and stuff like that, rather than before it was more like we were like doing nothing, and then it was christmas and then that was it right, right, right and and and I think that's maybe because a big part of that I've had a misconception of what, how to really celebrate the holidays.

Speaker 1: 5:45

I was like, well, I'm doing my part if I get her presents so she has something to open, and that was always. My goal is to give you something to open for Christmas. So you're not like I mean, I would go all out for your presence. I kind of ran out of one uppers of stuff, so I I need to grab it at straws these days, but no, that that makes sense. What are some things that we're doing now, that that that you, that is most memorable, or the thing you enjoy? What are some things that you enjoy about this christmas?

Speaker 2: 6:22

um, I think the elf on the shelf thing is cute. Like I really like that.

Speaker 2: 6:26

Like I feel like that's kind of like I wouldn't say like healing my inner child, but I feel like I can, like I feel that coming out, you know what I mean like when I like get excited, just like read it and see it, and I think it's like funny and stuff like that like get excited just to like read it and see it, and I think it's like funny and stuff like that. Like I really like that stuff Because, like I don't know, I feel like I get to like enjoy that type of thing and I think the coloring stuff was also fun. Like that was fun, like creating our own bingo stuff. Like I think that's a really good idea.

Speaker 1: 7:02

So I think, like, like creating our own bingo stuff, like I think that's a really good idea. So I think like that was really cute too. Hopefully we can complete it, because roadblock guys, we're the roadblock, technical difficulties literally, but we're um. So you know, that's, that's, that's great and for me, like I'm actually really, I've been really excited about doing the elf on the shelf yeah believe it or not, like it's been fun for me.

Speaker 1: 7:19

I was so excited when I found out they were doing it and like when I say that we've thought through the elf on the shelf for like months now, like we're gonna do the elf on the shelf and then it started getting closer to the time and we forgot. But then we like. But we were still like me and alma were sending pictures and sending things and ideas are like this is how we want to like and so I had instead of you know me, I don't like to read live, do what other people do. So I kind of take what I saw and then made it my own flavor to it, and so it's been really fun trying to like create it and late at night, like, oh my god, it is so hard to keep up. Y'all don't even know, you don't even know this up on the shelf.

Speaker 1: 7:56

Shit is not for the weak hearted. Like we did nine days. Some people do 30. We did nine days. Oh yeah, like that was a goal to do nine days and it's been uh, so fun, my like like every day. And and for you like to, for all the dads out there, I just want to explain to you, like we did, we have two different versions of the elf on a shelf, um, and before we did the elf on a shelf stuff, um, we, I let, we had all the kids and Mariah to come and like watch the elf on a shelf like cartoon on Netflix, slow, short or whatever. And and then you know that's how we introduced the elves and everybody was like so and I seen my daughter like smirk, like do a little smile, um, getting excited, and I was like, oh shit, we might have a hit on our hands, uh, but we do it differently with her.

Speaker 1: 8:48

So instead of like the whole imaginary oh, santa's gonna do this, but it's more like we, you know, think about positive affirmations that we can give during that moment. So the elf is kind of communicating to her about the things that make her special and and and that's kind of like how we're approaching the elf on a shelf instead of just being, you know, oh, nine days until christmas, you know we have, but we mix christmas in it. It's a really beautiful thing, it's really fun and I think, like to your point, mariah, you said like it touched your inner child, touched my inner child too.

Speaker 1: 9:24

But I get to communicate to you guys differently, so, like words that I probably the elf is telling you things that I have said to you yeah right, but now, with your imagination talking to you, it's like you get to read that and you can feel that someone else is seeing you from somewhere and seeing inside of you that yeah that and I can see, like even after the first day of it, like I didn't know.

Speaker 1: 9:50

Here's the thing I didn't know if these kids liked it or not. I'm gonna tell y'all the story real quick. I was the first one. We did, we did the floor is lava and I had the camera on. I seen, I seen my 10 year old. He was just looking at it and he was just walking around.

Speaker 1: 10:05

Not, we put papers on the floor for platforms. We thought they were going to try to like navigate to the door on the way to school. They just walked past it. Like Mariah ran fast because obviously she's late for the school bus, but she ran past it. And then Abraham was just looking at it and it is like he didn't even he did. I thought he would be the one to actually like jump into it and no one did it until after school. So what I did was is, while they were here, like Abraham, the 10 year old and my four year old, I did the. I did the floor is lava. I jumped from platform to platform platform. They watched me do it and when they came home from school and then daycare, they did it themselves. Yeah, it was, and and it was like something that, like, at first I wasn't gonna, I thought I was just gonna be putting stuff up and letting it be, but I, in order for it to really work, I I realized very quickly that I had to be invested yeah in it, um, in a way that, like I had to put myself in you guys's position on how I would respond in these moments, right, and

Speaker 1: 11:09

then create it and then let you guys experience like we've had. Um, I think last night was probably the funniest one for me. I bought like a like the next day after we had like all this, we bought the elves on the shelves like months ago, right, um, but I we went to the dollar tree and like we was like oh, what can we get to like do stuff. We were, we had no ideas. We I mean like we jumbled all these different.

Speaker 2: 11:34

Like last night.

Speaker 1: 11:35

No different like last night, no, no, no. A couple weeks ago. Yeah, when we first started the day after the floor is lava we was like, okay, we got to do something, we got to be a lot more creative.

Speaker 2: 11:43

So we went to the dollar tree and spent like 30 bucks on just anything we could think of to be artsy craft oh my gosh, you know what's crazy whenever, whenever it was the one, I think, it was, no, I think it was the one when the floor was lava and it was like, I don't remember which one, which one, but like it was like.

Speaker 2: 12:01

Whenever there was like a box of and like it was like a little can tan and there was like chocolate in it like I was, like I never, like I never saw y'all buy this, and so like that like I was actually like for a second.

Speaker 1: 12:13

I was like, oh shoot, like this actually might be real, like like I'm not even joking, like I was, like it was like in the shoot, like this actually might be real, like I'm not even joking, like it was like in the morning too, so I was like I was still half asleep.

Speaker 2: 12:25

But I was like, because I was like when would they have bought this? Like what.

Speaker 1: 12:30

And so like I was, just like I don't even know I was like but it connected you to your Christmas period, like, oh my God, this is actually yeah, like I was like there's no way like this has to be real Like.

Speaker 1: 12:42

And then yeah, so yeah, that that story, that story altogether, is like yo, if you're going to do this Elf on the Shelf stuff, it's not for the faint of heart, like your spirit, your mental has to be invested in it and you have to be like, you have to act like you don't know what's going on, even though you did this right, yeah, but it's, it's it's been fun and I like this christmas holiday for me has been um fantastic.

Speaker 1: 13:11

I feel like I'm I'm more elated and excited about christmas, whereas I'm just I used to dread and just want it to be over with already. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited for Christmas. I'm more excited to get to this moment where I watch you, like I get to see you guys doing a thing in our new home. You know, like, like we've opened presents, but we've had some tumultuous holidays over the last couple years and I think this holiday is different because we did stuff and even though, like at any moment I can, I would I wanted to make an excuse like, oh my God, I'm tired, but it became easier over time for me to just be like you know excuse me If Alma had an idea she's like hey, let's do this, like bet, let's do it.

Speaker 1: 13:59

you know like because, I'm excited about it. I'm, I'm that, like that's what I talked about is being present, like this christmas has. Like even for my teenage daughter, who who like things and then don't like things. Like you never know what you're gonna to get, but you know. Like for her to be invested, even with our all the way down to our four year old, is super excited and invested. Like they almost got Christmas canceled and they just lost it they was like they came down to plead their case.

Speaker 1: 16:21

But I say all this, I say all this to say dads, it's important for us, as dads, to be actively like how do you like, emory this is my question for you like, how do you, um, how do you see my like interaction compared to the past and to now?

Speaker 2: 16:36

I think, like like before, like it was. I mean like I feel like now, like you are, like I can see your enjoyment in this. You know what I mean. Like I can see, like, like you're actually, like you're in the moment with us and like actually like enjoying with us. You know what I mean. Like before, I feel like it was more you were like watching us be happy rather than you actually being there, like I don't know how to explain like you were in there with be happy rather than you actually being there. Like I don't know how to explain it, like you were in there with us but you weren't like actually like there there, like you were more. I think, like it was more like you were in your head, but also like you were good. Your body was there, but your mind wasn't. But it was like I don't really know how to explain it, but like I don't really know how to explain it, but like, yeah, I'll explain it.

Speaker 1: 17:20

how I explained it? Like my mind was, my body was there, but my mind was somewhere else, focused on the next thing, the next this or the what happened or how things are taking place. Or is everybody having fun or enjoying it and really trying to like figure out how, um, like, what, like if I need to do something more to make this moment better for you guys?

Speaker 1: 17:42

yeah yeah, I, I agree. I feel so much fuller this year and I feel like I've learned a lot, and this is this is kudos to my girlfriend, believe it or not. Like she's, she created this space for me to be present. Like this is something that she's been talking about for a long time, but she diligently helped me create. Like she helped create a space for me to be present and in a way where, like she, she had all. Like she's, she loves holidays. She gets super excited for holidays, but I never used to get like super excited. I'll be like, yay, here we go About to be a lot of stress. Oh, my God, you want to be. She's about to be overly excited and making me anxious Cause she's so excited that she won't come down. And and I was talking I was talking in my last episode, mariah, about how I'm I've been singing and humming um the Mariah Carey song.

Speaker 1: 18:42

All I want for Christmas is you. That's how I knew. Uh, that's how I knew I got the bug. Um, like, have you heard me singing it? Like, yes, god.

Speaker 1: 18:48

I just, yeah, it's in my head now you know, but like that's funny. How, how does that make you feel, seeing, having me be the way that you just described before? Wait like before, now or like no, like just now, when you describe how I am now okay, did I just confuse you? Yes, you did okay when you do what I asked you, how did like, how do you see? How have I been this?

Speaker 2: 19:21

year. Okay, so like now. Yeah, I feel like wait, what was the question?

Speaker 1: 19:24

how does it make you feel okay, you started off right. You're like I feel like that's, that's how you would start.

Speaker 2: 19:30

I feel like like you being present in the moment, it also helps me be like that as well, like I feel like like, yeah, and I feel like that also like kind of helps the family as well, like we I don't know it makes I feel like it makes us feel a lot more connected and I think like it also like makes me really happy because you seem happy as well, like in the moment and stuff like that Like Like yeah. Like yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:04

No, I appreciate that and I receive that because I didn't know the profound effect that it would have on you guys. It was more for me because of how I experience life and how I'm like. I don't have memories, I don't have this and I'm not. I don't think of these things as exciting or a great thing, but I'm like screw it, man. That was my thought process. I was like screw it, I'm just gonna do it and see what happens and make sure and try to savor every moment, uh, that I can like every moment where I I've been there, right, I've been to your games, I've been to these different things, but like I experienced them, I experienced them completely different.

Speaker 1: 20:52

Now, like I'm looking at it, like I'm watching you do something that you love and I'm there and I get to talk to you about it afterwards. You know, like I didn't have that growing up, so like to be able to. I didn't realize that like that. Like I think it hit me last week really last week, when I went to your game, when I drove to, when I was like I think I was, I drove to was a central crossing, I don't know which one. It was the second canine, lancaster the one on saturday.

Speaker 1: 21:27

Yeah, yeah, and I was there and and I was like bro, I drove an hour to make sure that I'm at, I'm here at your game and I get to talk to you about what you did at the end of the game. Because I question like, okay, am I doing something right, am I doing something wrong? And I'm like I think this is that's a thing that I'm doing right, like you love to do, this thing you're excited about, you go to practice, you work hard on it and then you go and display it in front of all these people. You come off and you feel good or you feel bad. Sometimes you feel in the middle and we get to talk about it on the way home and whether it's good or bad, you get to talk about it on your way home. Yeah, you get to talk about it on your way home.

Speaker 2: 22:09

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:11

And that talk about how you see yourself. I'm able to give you parts of what you're thinking. I get to give you things to store inside of your mind and that's like a beautiful thing that I just like realize is so exciting to me that I get to do that and you're not just in your head about it. Like imagine if I didn't show up to a game, and I was thinking about that as I was driving.

Speaker 1: 22:38

I had a lot of time to drive because I couldn't get the Bluetooth to work Long story. But I was driving in silence for an hour to the Lancaster and I was like yo imagine if I wasn't there and you played well or you played bad, but you're just like we don't have a conversation about it, like there's no talking about your game. You just I was there or I wasn't there, and and it's just you like, like how would you feel?

Speaker 2: 23:12

I feel like that would be like bad, like I feel like if you didn't come to my games, I feel like it would kind of be like you didn't really care and you weren't like. You just put me in basketball because I wanted to be, but you didn't actually care to see me play, or like that I was even in basketball, like I think it was. I feel like it would be more like like you're just I'll be affirming, I'll be confirming the negative in your head. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 23:44

So my present fights the negative in your head, Definitely yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:48

Dad cares still negative in your head. Definitely, yeah, dad cares. Because I feel like sometimes, like whenever you were, whenever you relate to central crossing, um, I thought like you weren't gonna like come or something like that. Like, even though you were like you're probably like two minutes later something, like that yeah, I got there when you got in, like yeah, you got there like literally as soon as I got in.

Speaker 2: 24:09

It's like perfect timing. But I was like I felt like whenever, like I was like come on, yeah, you got there like literally as soon as I got in. It was like perfect timing. But I was like I felt like whenever, like I was like looking back like constantly to see if you were there, and like whenever you weren't there, like it was like I kind of felt like you, like I got that you weren't going to show up.

Speaker 2: 24:22

You know, I was like, oh well, able to make it, you know, yeah, and then so I was kind of getting in my head about that. I was like you know, like I was like oh, like he comes to every one of my games, like no matter what. Like you know, like he would try to get off of work earlier, like leave from a christmas party like earlier. Like you'll like do like whatever you can to get to my games. And I was like I was like like if he didn't come to this one, like this wasn't like an important game or anything like that, but I was like it's just a game, you know, yeah, it's still yeah, even though you know all of that it didn't even work no, because I was like.

Speaker 2: 24:58

It was just like, like I was like so if he didn't show up, like he didn't care. But I know like obviously you care because you'll literally like you've done everything to get to get to my game and you like miss one and I'm like, but whenever you showed up, like I was like really happy. Even though I try I try not to show whenever I see you show up to my games I try not to show but every time I like see you in the stands, if I like, if I look back and you're not there, and then I look back and you're there and I hear you, or something like that, I get like so happy inside because I'm like, oh my gosh, like he actually did make it, and I get like really happy, like I don't I try not to show it because you know like, but like I get like really happy when you show up and stuff like that like.

Speaker 1: 25:41

So it's almost like that same feeling when you were younger and you would see me, uh, somewhere and I'm like hey, yeah, yeah across the auditorium or something when you were a kid yeah, performance yeah, that's. That's interesting that you say that because I can. That gives me something to picture every time I show up to a game, every time I show up I didn't expose myself yeah, okay, you exposing okay, but no, I I think it's a very it.

Speaker 1: 26:10

I think it's a very interesting thing because some fathers don't go to things, some dads don't think that their presence matter to those things, or maybe because their baby mama said don't come, we're going to be mad because my other partner is here, so you shouldn't come, my other partners here so you should come. But like, from this, from this conversation with you, I really like it's affirming that it's vital for a father to be there for their daughter everywhere. I'm gonna be there at everything that I can be there for. Like I'll be there at your graduations, your weddings. If you are that kind of person, be there for you know, for your wedding I'm going to be there, for I'm going to be there for everything and in the most unapologetic way.

Speaker 1: 27:05

And like, yeah, that's, it's a beautiful thing. I think it gives me the. This conversation helps me appreciate the journey that we have together while we're alive, you know like and being able to be present. I get. I feel like I have a lot more days, a lot more time when I when, by doing this, whereas before I felt like, oh my God, I'm running out of time, I got by doing this, yeah, whereas before I felt like, oh my god, I'm running out of time, I gotta do so much. And that's what I was really focused on is like I gotta get this prepared. I gotta get this prepared, I gotta get this prepared for my daughter, just in case something doesn't work out.

Speaker 1: 27:41

And reality, I'm missing so much. I'm there, but I'm missing so much, yeah, so, um, I thank you for having this conversation with me on this holiday and I I would say that for dads, please be present, enjoy memories and make, create memories with your five senses, with your, with your family. We, we bake cookies from scratch. Everybody helped to break cookies yesterday from scratch. It was real fun and that's what we did, and you know so little things color paper, pull out some coloring pencils and color with your kids. Whatever that may be. Mariah, you have anything to say that you think dads should do from a daughter's perspective, or something that you feel is vital for a father from your perspective?

Speaker 2: 28:35

um, I feel like I guess just like show that you care and show that you're there. You know like sometimes we may not like show that we want that, but in reality I feel like deep down, like we actually do and just by by like, like, like you said, like doing, like coloring and stuff like that, like doing stuff with us, it's really, it really shows that you care and that you love us, you know. Yeah. Like I feel like that really helps.

Speaker 1: 29:04

And so if you get the, if you get the best out of your kids, just keep, keep showing up. They eventually they gonna like you. They ain't gonna always like you, but they're going to love you All right Now, thank you. Thank you, love, for joining this podcast with me and thank you, dads, for listening with me and joining me on this podcast. This has been another episode of 15 Minutes with Dad. If you have not, if you find this, if you like what you heard today, make sure that you go and you share this with a loved one to yourself, or friends or family. There are dads all around the world, so just share with them. Let them hear this message, especially during the holiday season. Thank you, guys, take care.