Navigating Daily Life as a Dad and Partner: Tips for the Millennial dad

What if you could navigate the complexities of fatherhood with wisdom and grace, even without older mentors to guide you? Join us on "15 Minutes with Dad" as we kick off our new series "Fatherhood Speaks" with our esteemed guests, Lloyd and Fuego. Fuego, an educator and father of five, shares his transformative experience growing into his role without the benefit of seasoned guidance. Meanwhile, Lloyd, another father of five and a businessman, recounts his journey from becoming a father at 22 to raising a family in Brazil, highlighting the challenges and growth that have shaped his path. Their stories set the stage for a deep, insightful conversation on the profound impact of fatherhood.

Emotional intelligence and conflict resolution take center stage next, with Lloyd and Fuego offering candid insights into handling misunderstandings and miscommunications in relationships. They reveal personal strategies for choosing battles wisely and underscoring the importance of harmony over trivial disputes. As fathers, they also discuss the balancing act between being an impactful parent and a loving partner, sharing the learning curves they've navigated to manage these dual responsibilities effectively. Through real-life examples, they emphasize the power of letting minor issues slide and fostering a nurturing environment at home.

Finally, the episode delves into the intricate dynamics of balancing love, self-care, and career planning. We explore the infinite capacity for love that parenting brings, the importance of mutual respect and collaboration between co-parents, and the challenges of dating as a parent. Lloyd and Fuego stress the necessity of finding equilibrium between dedicating time to children and nurturing romantic relationships. We also discuss the importance of personal space and self-care, illustrating these points with heartfelt anecdotes. Wrapping up, the duo shares invaluable wisdom on cherishing family bonds and leading with love and compassion, painting a comprehensive picture of what it means to be a truly impactful father.

Chapters

• 0:40 Fatherhood Balancing Partnerships and Provider
• 15:08 Relationship Communication and Conflict Resolution
• 18:47 Balancing Love and Self-Care
• 29:40 Balancing Family and Career Planning
• 36:53 Fatherhood Wisdom and Lessons Shared

Transcript

Lirec: 0:41

Hey, what's going on, you guys? My name is Lyric. I'm the creator of 15 Minutes with Dad. This time, we have a new series, fatherhood Speaks, and I have two brothers with me, lord and Fuego, and we're about to go deep into some topics about the balancing of being a father, partner, a provider, all the labels that men hold. We're going to talk about the ways that we navigate challenges that we may have, and if you have not joined or been a part of the 15 minutes with dad platform, you can visit 15minuteswithdadcom. You can also follow us on all social media platforms TikTok, instagram, facebook.

Lirec: 1:19

I don't know all the social medias, not X, we're not on there, but you can find us on at 15 minutes with dad. Make sure you follow us and stay tuned on all the different clips that we're dropping, all the different new information, the giveaways that we have, the different events that we're a part of. Make sure that you chime in. We also have a growing community of fathers that we use on discord. We're fathers that are going through divorce, father that are going through navigating childhood, toddlers, like all these different things. We have a platform where we have a community conversation and you can talk directly with fathers, just like yourself or like myself, and we are in there, live regularly.

Lirec: 1:54

If you want to sign up for our newsletters, make sure that you go to 15minuteswithdadcom and you can sign up for newsletters. And basically, every Monday you'll get a Motivational Monday email. Every Wednesday you'll get an action item email that's going to give you some insights on what you can try this week, whether it be for healing, whether it be for ingrowing your relationship with your child. We got you covered. So make sure that you tap in at all times. So I want to get started, but thank you all for joining 15 Minutes with Dad. Thank you guys again for joining 15 Minutes with Dad. We are here today with Lloyd and we got Fuego with us. We are going to get into a deep topic, talking about the balancing of fatherhood, balancing of being a partner, balancing of being a provider, a nurturer, like all these different factors that come into the ultra dynamics of being a dad. We're going to get into that today, but before we get into that, let's get into some introductions. Fuego, can you go ahead and give us a nice little introduction on who you are?

Fuego: 3:12

All right, of course, I'm a father. I'm an educator for over 20 years, I'm a father of five and I got all the stories, all the stories that young fathers and even old fathers older fathers it may resonate with them, but the younger fathers honestly, I wish I had an old head like myself when I was younger, because it was just fathers my age. We would just bounce stories off of one another and then that was it. I didn't have an old head to put me up on game, like I try to do. Younger fathers.

Lirec: 3:48

Nah, yeah, we appreciate that, definitely appreciate that, man, and we're going to dive into that. I'm very interested to hear that part of your story because it seems like you started up as a young father and kind of learned on your way. So that's some really, really valuable insights that we're going to get into. Lloyd, can you give us an?

Lloyd: 4:07

introduction on who you are, brother. Oh, yeah, sure, yeah, my name's Lloyd. I'm here in Columbus, ohio, father of five, married self-employed businessman. Also work in marketing for a skincare company. Been doing this for a while Before moving to Columbus. Actually lived overseas in Brazil with the family with the wife. Moving to Columbus, actually lived overseas in Brazil with the family with the wife. At the time we moved out there with three little children, which is wild and a story in and of itself. And I agree with Brother Fuego just about not really having any examples like older examples that we could bounce off, ideas off of Could have prevented some mistakes and things from happening. So I had to learn everything the hard way.

Lirec: 4:44

Yeah, and I like that, but I'm still here and I'm stronger for it.

Lirec: 4:47

Facts, facts. I like that, I like that dynamic, and I think that that's going to be a huge part of our conversation. Today is the example that we had in our lives as fathers versus how we father now. I always like to compare the two, not to make our fathers look bad, but more so be able to see what lessons we're learning, how we implement that into a regular day. So we are live in there and I'm excited about it. Guys, y'all ready to get in?

Fuego: 5:15

Yes, sir.

Lirec: 5:16

All right, let's go. Let's go, all right. So the first question that I have is when did you become a father? When did you become a father, and how did that? How did not? How did that story? That's not a good question. I always have to word this right. But when did you become a father and what was it like? Not just having a child, but when was it that you became a father an impactful father in your child's life, versus when you became, when you were, when you found out that you were having a child? Either one of you guys can go first.

Fuego: 5:47

You can go ahead Lloyd.

Lloyd: 5:49

Okay, yeah, I'll just jump in. So I first became a father at the age of 22. Wife's about three years younger than me, you know, just found it out, you know, and we moved from there. We actually wound up getting married and we've been together for about 21 years. Wow, so it's been a minute. But yeah, I'm really mind-blown. I don't even know how I'd be able to do it by myself If we weren't working together. It would be like it would be extremely difficult.

Lirec: 6:17

Yeah.

Lloyd: 6:17

But yeah to say, a young father figuring things out, starting a young family and pretty much just figuring everything out through trial and error.

Lirec: 6:26

Yeah, I agree with that, yeah that's my experience. What about you, Fuego?

Fuego: 6:34

So here's the twist. So I first became a father when I was 25. But before then I became a father when I was 25. But before then I had one, two, yeah, so I had been in three relationships and three consecutive times they lost the children and just as a human being, in my psyche, I'm starting like what's wrong with me, like my sperm don't work, what's going on? And in hindsight now it was actually like God, yo bro, you're not ready for this, just chill. But I kept pressing and so I became a father at 25. And, yeah, I haven't stopped since, but I do agree with Lloyd, because I was great parent, terrible partner and now, even in my 40s, I'm still learning what a good woman requires now a lot of you as a partner, as opposed to some different type of women I won't, I won't name call, but and it's just mind-blowing, it's just mind so yeah, let's dive into that a little bit.

Lirec: 7:47

I like that segue into the partner part right, like balancing being a partner and a father, because it's easy. I know a lot of us, a lot of men, that are married and, lloyd, this is not to you I'm going to be going back and forth from married and single. Right, but not to take shots at anybody. But there's a lot of men that are married out there that are either a good father or a good partner. But that middle ground is a challenge. Do you have any insights for us, lloyd, on why that could be a thing and what difficulties or challenges you may have faced in that?

Lloyd: 8:23

Yeah, I mean. All I can do is share my experience. I can't act like I'm the expert. It's just been trial and error, being young and being immature, saying things that shouldn't have said, doing things that shouldn't have been, shouldn't have done. The only thing that I can say that I did right was actually sticking around and working through the little difficulties that come up.

Lloyd: 8:47

Most of us we don't understand because we don't have these examples, Maybe with some of us or most of us, with parents or grandparents who work things out, who stay married, so we don't have people to talk to. How do you get through this? What do you do when this happens? That's pretty much the only thing that I can say that I just did right was actually sticking through there and growing and maturing instead of running away.

Lirec: 9:11

That's good. That's a very good point. What about you Fuego what you got to say on that topic.

Fuego: 9:16

Well, you know, once you become a father Well, for me, once I became a father, it didn't matter any children that I saw I mean it was going the wrong way Do a U-turn like we not on my watch. And so one of the things that I will always tell young brothers listen, I know she looks good Now, I know she's going when they look good. But one of the things is that I learned the hard way If you want to be with a woman, you've got to check yourself first to see if you are emotionally mature, because the number one thing that I found in a relationship that's required is are you the?

Lirec: 9:59

consideration.

Fuego: 10:00

Yeah, Are you considerate, Like last night I took my lady and my son to the movies and my son is he's 13. He's my youngest son, he's 5'11", so he's sitting behind her and I'm like yo baby, can you scoot the seat up a little bit? And she took it personal she's. She scooted the seat all the way up. Now her knees are on a dash and she's feeling some sort of way all the way up. Now her knees are on the dash and she's feeling some sort of way all the way to the movies.

Lirec: 10:28

The 46 year old me knows, I can just imagine how it sounds yeah.

Fuego: 10:31

And before she got out, while I let my son get out, I was like baby, what's wrong? She was like I have my knees on the dash all the way here and my toes hurt and I said, but in my mind I'm like that was a simple fix. Baby, maybe you could have just asked my son, can you scoot back a little bit? But to prove her point and to get it across like I was being the supreme a-hole, asking her to scoot up. But at 46, I know how to handle that better than I did at 26. I would have let a slew of are you dumb? But we live and learn. And so I was just like I'm sorry, baby, that shouldn't have had to happen and it was over. But these things you learn along the way. I didn't know when I was young, I didn't know that a man's job is to put out fires before they even ignite.

Lirec: 13:06

That's a huge thing in manhood, because when you're responsible for a woman and children, yeah, I talk a lot about this either in my both in my book and in when I'm talking to other fathers is that like we set the tone even on other episodes, like we set the tone for the entire household Every time we step foot in it, every time we communicate to the function of the household. If we are upset, everybody else is going to be upset. If we, if it seems like we're upset, everybody else is going to be upset. And no, that point that's a good story, man, that being considerate and understanding like that you have to mature. You have to mature emotionally as you grow throughout life to really understand how to handle decisions better.

Lirec: 13:47

You're probably going to make some mistakes and that goes back to Lloyd's point when he was saying, like yo, I just stuck around. I stuck around and made sure that I stayed to work through all the things that were going wrong, and so those are some really, really great lessons for myself. Man, I am still working through those things that you guys have understood. I have emotional intelligence and I have methods to help me through emotional intelligence, but it sometimes is hard to experience it and react the way that you need to react right. I know that in that situation if she would be like this happened to me and this and that I would be like, okay, but you made the decision to put your knees on the, to scoot your seat up. There was a middle ground that we could have stayed at that you chose not to do, and that's how I have a hard time not teaching right and because I will experience something and then I'll try to find a teaching moment in it.

Lirec: 14:40

And no, everyone's not always available to to learn. I had to. That's something that I'm learning as well.

Lloyd: 14:46

There's a disconnect for a lot of us because there's like a generational breakdown, whereas we don't have the parents that are married or the grandparents that are married. We don't have those people to go to for that advice. They can say, hey, it's not even worth it, don't even press those issues. So we either have to learn the hard way or we just keep repeating the same mistake and then blaming the world.

Lirec: 15:09

Yeah, so what? What are some? What are what are two things that you can think of that you would that happens normally but you would not pick a fight about. You would not even mention it, because I just started learning that recently. I was telling my girlfriend this today I was like I was upset about something, but I didn't even mention it because I was like what's the point? Like I'm I don't have to fix everything, but what are some things like that you would. That are some fights that you would be like, yeah, okay, I'm not gonna pick this. All right, we talked about it. She'll adjust later and we'll talk about it.

Lloyd: 15:41

Loy, I'm talking to you, okay, sure sure. Just one example, something that will bother me. Normally just when something's being said about you or that you said or did something that you did, what's wrong?

Lirec: 15:53

That's easily put you on the defensive. That's easily put somebody on the defensive, for sure.

Lloyd: 15:59

You have to see that bigger picture.

Lirec: 16:00

Oh for sure, Like at all times, and that's I get that. I get that Because it picture oh for sure, like at all times, and that's I get that. I get that, cause it's easy to lose sight of that in the moment when you're experiencing the thing, but that comes with the emotional intelligence that comes with the consideration of the other person outside of yourself. I'm learning some things, I'm picking up. I'm writing this stuff down mentally and in video. I'm writing it down video and I'll write it down later Before we go. What do you got? What are some things that you, that you'd be like yo. It's not worth the fight. I've gone through it, but it's really not worth the fight.

Fuego: 16:30

So I'll be honest, man, I'm I'm a little touched, I'm hard headed, bro, like things happen a certain way over and over again, you would think that you would learn. So I'm piggybacking off of what Lloyd said. My lady, she's the bee's nest, she's the greatest thing that happened to me, but she's still human. And one of the things that she does, I'll say A, b and C, but when she repeats it back, she has to put extras on it and I'll be like I didn't say all of that. This is what I said. After so many times, I'm starting to you know what? If it doesn't change the point of what I was saying, I'll just leave it alone. Just leave it alone. You got it. But I also learned that I can't even say that. I can't even say you got it. I got to keep that inside.

Lirec: 17:19

It's good that you understand. I'm glad that you understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man, those, those words, that wording makes a big difference. I'm reliving my life as you're talking, fuego. It's insane, man, because I'm like what I just said this. How did you get I? I can see myself right a hundred times.

Lirec: 17:39

how did you get that out of what I just said? I spent these last three minutes giving you a spill and then you just completely twisted it and have your. Oh man, I'm like I'm done, I'm tired of doing that, but no, that's a great point. Thank you for mentioning that. You had something to say, lloyd.

Lloyd: 17:55

Oh, now I'm disagreeing, just an agreement.

Lirec: 17:58

That's good stuff. When we're talking about balancing that partnerhood and fatherhood, what do you feel are some challenges that you face in regards to that? What are some challenges that kind of come up when you're trying to balance being a father impactful father and an impactful partner, being a father impactful father and an impactful partner Anybody?

Fuego: 18:26

yeah, anyone, I could take it. You want to go first Lloyd?

Lirec: 18:29

Okay, I'll take it.

Lloyd: 18:31

No, I'm just yeah, off the top of the head, I'm just thinking. I don't see that as much as a challenge because it's like we're it's my partner. We've gone through it together.

Lirec: 18:43

What are some challenges that you've faced in the past?

Lloyd: 18:46

Yeah, just learning. Just when you had that first child and they're innocent, coming into the world, you love them more than anything, and you first, you then especially if you have another child you're now realizing that you have this infinite capacity for love, that you care for them more than you do for yourself or anything. And I'm just growing and having a partner, that you're both going through this together. You should be able to see eye to eye on certain things. They really, as far as what I've experienced, we don't really have any conflicts when it comes to the parenting and the relationship. It's not like some jealousy, you're doing this, you're giving her too much time. I'm not really dealing with that. So I think it's just being able to work together even if you're not in a relationship anymore, having that mutual respect. I think that it just makes life way easier.

Lirec: 19:37

No for sure. I know that from not I know, but from my, from things that I've. So I've, I've had my daughter since I was 19. And so every relationship that I had in my life basically I had it was like a package. Basically, I've dated women without kids. I've dated women with kids right kids, I've dated women with kids, right.

Lirec: 20:03

And the thing that I found being most challenging is trying to develop a relationship with someone that already has kids and someone that doesn't have kids while you already have a kid. That difference, I know that if it was in sync, right, you're like, okay, we're figuring this thing out together. There's already an agreement. Right, there's an agreement in place. To your point, lloyd, there's an agreement in place. When you're meeting somebody and you don't really know them, you're having to figure out how do I show this? How do I give love to this person while also giving the same unchanging or even more love to my child that I've had before this person came along and that's from both sides, right, not just from father to mother as well Like, how do I've spent my time giving all my love to this being, this kid, this child, and then there's this other person that says hey, I want a piece of it too.

Lirec: 20:55

And trying to find that balance was challenging when I was younger. But trying to find that balance to where I can love someone and I've gotten it wrong on both sides. Like I've gotten it wrong. There was a point in time where my daughter had all my attention and I didn't care what I was like. No, my daughter's going to be here forever. I got to make sure she's good.

Lirec: 21:14

I don't care about my personal relationship. I don't care about the love that I'm building I relationship. I don't care about the love that I'm building. I don't care about this, not in those words. But I was negligent in a sense. And then I've done it wrong on the other side where I was like all right, I'm going to pour into this relationship and pour into this person. And then my child started feeling neglected and it was at a point in time in her life where she was really looking at herself who is she? And it was my job to really build that into her at that time. But I was not. I was like having a hard time with the balance. I've gotten it hella right for the last like maybe seven years, but I say that to say that's a challenge that I face, trying to be a partner and be a father at the same time, which you will be. But I'm just talking about that balance, that shift in balance that happens.

Lloyd: 21:57

If I could say one more thing, I think, like, as far as the relationship portion, you know, I mean outside of like extreme intimacy we don't really hold too much back, because I think the children need to see that, to see a husband and wife, to see how you care for each other and love each other in a respectful manner. They need to experience that too for them and obviously like if yeah, if we weren't together with us, having five children together. Whoever we date, they need to be around the same age as us and also have children, Because look man, we have all this together.

Lloyd: 22:33

Man, you're going to have to deal with that, right? Like you said, it's a package deal.

Lirec: 22:37

Yeah, now I like that. Like you said, it's a package deal, yeah, and now I like that. So it seems like, coming from the point that I made and what you just said is vital, and that balance is not only necessary for your child, it's not only necessary for your partner, for that you have balance and the energy and the love that you give, but it's even more important that your child is able to see that you have a balance and that you have a balance with them and you're also loving them and they're seeing that you loving somebody else. They're able to see that and imitate that in the future of their lives, and that's a very great point, very good point. What about you, fuego?

Fuego: 23:15

So I would add on a challenge between the children and your partner. So I would add on a challenge between the children and your partner. But as I've gotten older and I realized I was a father before, I was someone's partner, I was me. And so add a third part Are you making space for you? Just, I didn't understand when I was growing up what's this big deal with a man cave? But? Or older guys, they would have a library or a study, but it was just be, it would just be a space for them.

Fuego: 23:45

The older I get, I find how much like this is so vital now, because as a man, everything's, everything stops with you. Now, you're the last thing you're and I know women would feel the same way now. But as a man like if you, if your household is set up no man, woman and child, that mean you're the first line of defense, you have the last say you just get a lot. You, everything is pulled on you. Even if the woman is dealing with the children, at some point she's going to defer to you, and she's, and actually a lot she's going to defer to you. You know, sometimes she don't feel like making those decisions. And I know for myself, between my partner, my children, her children, silly self, my dogs, my work. Some days I just like I really don't have anything left. I really don't. And on some of those days, like I need to just go in and retreat, and some days I might need 15 minutes, some days I might need a couple hours.

Fuego: 24:47

That wasn't taught. The thing is, man I had my daddy was always there, but I moved. I'm from Cleveland. So when I moved from Cleveland to Dayton not having any close family, move from Cleveland to Dayton, not having any close family yeah, it was just, I was just on my own.

Fuego: 25:03

But that, that, that piece where you can have some time and space for yourself, is necessary because you have to recharge, because tomorrow they're going to be right back at it, pulling, pulling on you for everything. That's been a balance that I've had to learn. Like now, for the first time in my life, I'd be like look, not right now, we've had this conversation. I don't have, I don't have it to do right now. Instead of younger me would be like are you talking to me? I'm you, see me doing something? It's just the consideration and the patience. The patience has been the number one thing, because if you can model patience for her, then she can model it for the children and then they can model it for themselves. But if you're impatient, oh man, the house is just a mess, you know because?

Fuego: 25:51

everything starts with you, so I just need to add that third piece to it. For me that's a huge deal. I like that.

Lirec: 26:01

That triad man, that is a. For me that's a huge deal. I like that. That is that triad man that's. That is a powerful addition, that balance between making sure that you're present, making sure that you are showing up for yourself, the same way you show up for your partner, same way you show up for your child.

Lirec: 26:13

Should should almost be blob like a blob. It should almost should always equal out, though there's the but, there's that triad that you're going to be pulled from. So you've got to pour into yourself your kid's going to require, so you've got to pour into them and you've got to pour into your partner in order for them to feel love and feel present. And I wonder if there are any mothers or any women talking about the same thing, right? Or is this something that is specific to fathers? Is this dynamic specific to men? And I just threw that question, it was just a random question. I'm like I wonder if this, the talk of this, the strength of this family, is that a us thing? Is that just our thing that we must understand and master when we're talking about the structure of a family?

Lloyd: 26:59

and that's a real question. They're talking about the structure of a family, and that's a real question.

Fuego: 27:01

They're talking about it too.

Lloyd: 27:02

Yeah, they are, Especially if they're doing most of the work with the children, plus maintaining everything the house and all that. They have to come up with a way to still be able to build themselves up.

Lirec: 27:14

Yeah, yeah, no, that's definitely a good point. So when we talk about so I know we talked about partner being a partner, balancing it out with being a father, being a provider and a nurturer, that is. I don't think it's dualistic in points, but I think that a lot of folks, a lot of men that aren't fathers, that are trying to figure out that everyone's talking about the dating stuff, like that's everywhere the freaking Instagram is riddled with men or guys who are trying to figure out how to's talking about the dating stuff. Like that's everywhere the freaking Instagram is riddled with men or guys who trying to figure out how to be a man to a woman For fathers, active and impactful fathers we're put into a position where we figure it out Right.

Lirec: 27:50

So my question is let's talk about being a provider and a nurturer and how that plays into the father in the household, because I think that a lot of men outside of and correct me if I'm wrong a lot of men that are like in those dating podcasts and all that stuff talk about I got to be a provider. You know what I'm saying. If I'm providing, then she going to have to do this or she going to have to come through like this, or even a woman is like no, I want a provider, I want this kind of, I want somebody that's going to come in. But there's a lot of women that are in the middle ground, talking also about that emotional part, that consideration of part, that nurturing part, and not just nurturing the thought, nurturing the child, but nurturing your partner as well. So let's talk about that. Let's talk about that part.

Fuego: 28:34

Anybody got any. You know what, bro? That's why I said I tell young men like, look bro, you got to be ready, because the demands that a woman's going to make from you, if it's really your partner and y'all are really y'all are really connected like that, the pressure. So I have a funny story you guys have all seen the movie John Q yeah.

Fuego: 29:00

Yeah, and his son had the heart condition. There's that scene in there where his wife they're on the phone, he's at the hospital and she just makes something happen, get it done. And me and my partners we call that getting John Q'd, because only a woman can put that type of pressure on a man and he's going to accept it and then really go out and try to do something about it. And so that's why I tell the young boys like yo, you have to make sure that you're ready, because this is going to be the most rewarding, most challenging thing that you Well, I won't say the most, but it's one of the most rewarding and challenging things that you can experience in this lifetime.

Fuego: 29:41

And I know women don't like to hear this, but sometimes I forget what the comedian said. He was like guys are so simple that women get upset at it. Yeah, he said, we're just simple in nature. He gave an example, he said. He said if there's two guys riding a car and we miss a turn, oh we just, bro dude, and we bust the UE and then we get back to where it was going. In some cases, if it's a woman in the car, why would you do that? Just depending on the woman.

Fuego: 30:16

My point is that nurturing, the nurturing and providing like it's a juggling act. But when I say I tell the young guys to be ready, these are the things they have to think about. How do you want to set your life up? One of the things that I know that young brothers don't do and I was one of them they don't plan. They don't family plan, like they just go get a girl, she gets pregnant. Now you deal with it. Now what I know?

Fuego: 30:39

There's some people, man, they're doing financial planning, they're deciding where they want to live, how they want to live. A lot of brothers who look like you and I. I didn't know that. I don't even think that my parents did it. They dated, they said, oh, it's time to get married, and then they went house hunting. So I think really having the foresight because if you have the foresight and plan your life out how you want it to be, then that providing part has taken care of. I'm going to be doing this that's going to bring in these type of resources to the house. And then, because the thing is the money, but it's the time After a while, you only have so much time in a day If you put eight to 10 hours in and work now, what's left for her and the children, whereas if you only have to work four or five hours a day, then you have more time for your family in totality. So it's just for me that planning part and making sure that you're ready man is a juggling act regardless.

Lirec: 31:39

That's a very interesting point. I very much like the fact that you was like that balance with time and, yeah, you bringing in money to the house. But it's not just money, it's the time as well, like a lot of fathers get into a place where we get completely drained in our relationships and in our marriage because everything that comes, everything that is value, everything that seems like value from us, that gets valued, is the work that we put in. I'm in a part of these fatherhood groups and everybody's most of the men are complaining because they feel like they're unappreciated. They feel like they just work.

Lirec: 32:12

And when you say, hey, what's going on with your family? Why is your child like one of your child doing this? When are you doing? We're asking questions but their answers is always surrounding the fact I can't because I'm working 14 hours, like I do all this for them. I work 14 hours of this and I do 15. And I'm like that's your fault.

Lirec: 32:27

Your child does not care about how much money you make unless you raise your child. Your child does not innately care about how much money you make. Right, the person that loves you don't care a hundred percent about how much money you make. It is important, the stability is important, but when it comes to the memories that you can make from not working 14, you're giving your life to a job that don't care about you, right, and your family that's growing, creating memories, and you are a part of that structure, of that memory, of that picture that's being taken. You're a part of that and if you're at work all the time, you don't get kudos for that. You don't get kudos that you work 14 hour shifts all your life and you took your kids. You sent your kids to college. Now if they get an accolade and they were like I want to thank my dad for working 14 hours, like that's all you will get. But what's really rewarding in life that I found is the memories that you are able to go back on and look back on with your family.

Lirec: 33:24

If you gotta, if you need to shift from a 10 hour to a four hour day, you need to make all those hard decisions. It's gonna get them, just gonna get there, because it's the goal that matters. Man, it's a really hard thing to do because I've done it myself and I worked. I went from working three jobs and now I work one job and then I do all this fun stuff on the side, do the fatherhood speaks and 15 minutes with dad and all that stuff. I get to do that on the side, but I still get to spend so much time with my family and make memories and travel around the country at times, man, I just had to throw that spill out because that is a very powerful point for you that you just put out there, man. I love the wisdom. I love the wisdom. What you got, lord. I don't know if I chimed in with you, man, but I know you got something you got to say.

Lloyd: 34:07

No, I just really I think what Fuego said was on point about the planning and understanding what you're actually getting into, because if you're just with somebody because you like the way they look, when you're not looking into seeing, like, what kind of decisions she makes, how's her family upbringing, now you're in a whole different situation and you may wind up not being appreciated at all and definitely need to take into account steps, what family planning steps you need to do to be able to get to that point where you can have the freedom and the time to be able to put in because, yeah, not living a nice house, great neighborhood, all of these things, man, nobody cares. As crazy as it sounds, man, nobody cares. Yeah, yeah, you have to put in that that real work as far as being there and creating the memories and the things that really matter.

Lirec: 35:02

That is funny that you say that man that like harping on that no one cares thing, is insanely important for men to accept. No one cares. No one cares that you didn't make it. No one cares that you almost made it. No one cares that. No one cares that we cried. No one cares that we sat In reality. The world does not care. Your family cares cry. No one cares that we sat In reality, the world does not care. Your family cares. But in reality, like it's up to you, up to us, to internally reflect on that and figure those things out, we're going to, like we create the world that we're involved in.

Lirec: 35:33

We're hands on creating the world that we're involved in. Right, I want to. I want to harp on something that you said, lloyd. You said that decision-making knowing what you're getting yourself into. It's very interesting that you said that, because the first thing that comes to mind is that there are people making temporary decisions or making long-term decisions in temporary seasons. They're making these sleeping with females unprotected that they know they probably would never take home, like those. That's a long-term decision that has risk for a temporary season and not protecting that long-term season.

Lirec: 36:14

I'm I am half guilty of it the person I was with. I was with her for about four or five years, the mother of my daughter, but I did make and I'll and I tell my daughter this, I tell her that you were not planned, but you were not prevented either, and so it almost sounds insane that she's a teenager now so I can have these conversations. But I explain when I'm talking to her about those kinds of relations and making those decisions, like, even though I didn't plan to have kids at 18 and 19 or have kids at 19, have a child at 19, I also didn't make the decisions to not have kids at 19. And that was where my jack up is, and that's the kind of like the lesson that I usually teach young folks myself. But this is some y'all are dropping mad gems. I just want to say I commend y'all, I appreciate it, I love this talk.

Lirec: 37:00

Y'all dropping some mad gems today. Mad gems, all right, so let's book. Let me see what time we got. We're at 40 to close out. Can Can each of you give Related to this topic? Give us Give the dads out there that are watching this topic. Give us give the dads out there that are watching this. Give them a lesson to take home from this talk that they can implement into their life today or start implementing into their life you want to go first.

Fuego: 37:34

Lloyd.

Lloyd: 37:36

Oh sure, yeah, I'll go.

Lloyd: 37:37

So one, yeah, if I was able to give out some advice to myself and to others like me on a younger stage, I definitely would advise the young fathers out there to value their family, which includes yourself Right.

Lloyd: 37:51

To value yourself, your family and the legacy that you're building, that you're creating Right, and that includes everything, even the even if you have not gotten to that point yet where you've created children, then obviously ignore all of the other stuff out there that's telling you to just do random things, to be calculated, to put more work into who you're actually entertaining and doing the things that can lead to creating a child, to value yourself and to value your family and to put to always value what you're creating in your legacy so that, even if bumps occur along the road with the person that you created this child with, to value the legacy that you're creating, so that what you guys are creating is bigger than whatever argument, whatever little petty things that come about.

Lloyd: 38:41

And, as you both spoke on earlier, whether we realize it or not, we lead the way, and so, if that is the foundation that you're building, your mate, whoever you're building this family with, will also take that lead as well, so that you both see what you're doing is important, it matters. It's not just something just to throw away, just to walk away from. We're building children here. We're together for life. We're going to have grandchildren. We're going to be raising these children. Even when they're grown, they're still going to be coming to us for advice. So it's like it's a legacy man, it's not some five minute thing and that's just what I would share.

Lirec: 39:17

Nah, man, that's great, that's fantastic. Fuego what you got.

Fuego: 39:20

There's so many lessons. One of the things is so I go to a doctor and she has a. She has a quote on the wall. She's in.

Fuego: 39:27

It says if the things that you said, things that came out of your mouth, were written on your skin, would you still say them? And and I'll be honest for me, no one, no dude in the street, has infuriated me like the mother of my children. But I don't have a bond with someone in the street like I have with a woman who I decided to procreate with. I have four children with one woman and my fifth is with another. And when I say, my thing is in this life, you're going to have regrets, but let's let's mitigate those, because one day, the things that you said to her mother, the daughter is going to have regrets, but let's mitigate those, because one day, the things that you said to her mother, the daughter is going to hear them, the son is going to hear them. And so my thing is let's just be mindful, because when you upset with someone saying things out of anger, it's just not a good look. So for the young guys I would say this I saw a video of Malcolm Jamal Warner a couple of weeks ago Actually, my lady sent it to me and he was saying that and for me it goes for little black girls he was talking about to little black boys.

Fuego: 40:39

He said, man, you don't really have to. He said you don't have to whoop and beat on little black boys. He said, man, you don't really have to say you don't have to whoop and beat on little black boys. He was like it's not necessary. What you should do is love them so much that when they do something wrong, the disappointment in you as a parent will whoop their head worse than a belt or a slap could. And that's the way my children can all count on one hand the amount of weapons that they got from me.

Fuego: 41:06

Just, this wasn't my thing because I'm the daddy I did more talking than anything but and that applies for girls too but it just it made me think about parenting in a whole different way. What's that parable? The carrot or the stick or the stick? And the crazy thing is, if you go to anybody who trains dogs, they'll tell you punishment don't work. So if it works for a dog that has lesser mental capacity, how much will it work on a child, a mini me that looks like you and behaves and models everything.

Fuego: 41:44

Just, I go back to not consideration, but compassion. Compassion would be the compassion for everyone involved, from yourself to the children, to the mother, because, let's be honest, fellas, they got a nine month head start on us. They, man, they've been getting their head bust. Pregnancy is no fun, you know what I mean, even if she wants to be pregnant, but imagine it's a surprise. And so now all of that. So I would say the number one thing is just compassion for everybody involved, because what you give out is coming back around, man, and with that the mics are dropped.

Lirec: 42:23

Y'all have dropped some mad gems today.

Lirec: 42:27

Man, I can't appreciate you guys enough for joining me on this fatherhood speaks episode. Guys, fathers, people who are watching this whether you're fathers and mothers, we have all the sorts but for those, for viewers that are watching this, make sure that you stay connected with 15 minutes with dad. Um, you like man, I don't know, you're going to, I'm going to drop their tags. If you want to connect with them on the business tip, uh, as well as just connecting with them for advice, uh, I'm going to. If y'all are okay with that, I'll put y'all's social media on tags when I'm promoting this episode. But, wow, patience, compassion, making intentional words, intentional speaking yeah, y'all really taught me something today. I got to go back and have another conversation with my lady today just so I can implement these things. So I really appreciate y'all. So, guys, thank y'all for joining 15 Minutes with dad.

Lirec: 43:23

Fatherhood speaks father speaks episode. You can go and follow us on YouTube and subscribe this video If you have not yet to get more content from us. I'm dropping content on a regular. You're going to get some weekly, you're going to get some monthly, some quarterly, but for this fatherhood speaks episode you're going to get to a month. Every two weeks you'll get a new episode of Fatherhood Speaks. So make sure that you time in at 15 minutes with dad on YouTube, tiktok, facebook, instagram and make sure that, if you're listening to this on streaming platforms, make sure that you go and rate this podcast, rate this episode, because when you rate this episode, you let everybody know that this is something that they should listen to. So I appreciate those that do, those that are chabbing in. Y'all take care. Love, peace and chicken grease. Y'all. Lloyd Fuego, thank you for joining me. Y'all take care.

Fuego: 44:17

Thanks for the invite, bro.