Fatherhood and Mental Health: Permission to Heal

In this powerful episode of 15 Minutes with Dad, explore fatherhood, mental health, and personal development. Host Lirec Williams opens up a much-needed conversation around fatherhood and mental health.  

Too many fathers carry silent burdens—past trauma, relationship stress, and the pressure to be everything to everyone—without ever being given the tools or space to heal.

Through raw storytelling, personal insight, and lessons from Jim Murphy’s Inner Excellence, this episode explores the intersection of emotional healing, self-awareness, and personal development for dads.

You’ll discover how unprocessed pain impacts your ability to show up as a father, especially in high-stress environments like co-parenting or blended families. Most importantly, you’ll learn how to start creating inner peace, deepen your emotional presence, and build a legacy rooted in healing—not hurt.

🎯 What You'll Learn:

• Why healing is a foundational part of fatherhood
• How to manage emotional triggers and regulate stress
• 5 practical tools for building emotional strength and clarity
• How to develop a personal parenting framework that honors your growth

Whether you're navigating fatherhood challenges or looking for real growth insights, this episode is a guide for every man ready to lead with more presence, more intention, and more self-compassion.

Take the challenge: Commit to one healing practice this week—because your children don’t need a perfect dad. They need a present, healthy one.

Chapters

• 1:44 Welcome to Mental Health for Dads
• 3:06 Understanding Unhealed Pain in Fatherhood
• 6:06 Attachment Styles and Their Impact
• 14:48 Healing Tools for Modern Fathers
• 22:14 Your Permission to Heal Challenge

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:53

Welcome back to another episode of 15 Minutes with Dad, where we dive into fatherhood with truth, intention and tools that actually work. I'm your host, lyric Williams, father of four, storyteller systems guy and a man committed to building legacy through emotional presence and personal development. For dads like you, today's episode is one that many of us avoid but desperately need Fatherhood and mental health. Let's give ourselves permission to heal, so we're going to keep it real. Today, we know that fatherhood challenges don't just come from parenting struggles. They also come from the stuff we've buried Like old trauma, suppressed emotions, unrealistic expectations on ourselves and those around us, silent pressure to man up and stay strong. In this episode, we're breaking that silence. We're talking about it. We're talking about how fatherhood can trigger unresolved pain, why emotional healing is not an option for men who lead. Healing is not an option for men who lead Tools for creating inner peace in the middle of chaos, and how this healing transforms your kids, your co-parenting, your relationship with your spouse and your legacy. If you've been caring more than you talk about, this one is for you, my friend. My friend.

Speaker 1: 2:15

As fathers, we carry a lot Like. We carry financial pressure, relational tension and the expectation to be everything to everyone, and we do it often while ignoring our own mental health. We are praised for being strong, even if that strength is actually silent suffering, praised for being strong even if that strength is actually silent suffering. But here's the truth Unhealed pain doesn't disappear, it actually leaks. It leaks into our marriages, into our parenting, into our everyday reactions, into the way we show up or don't for our children, and especially when we're dealing with co-parenting dynamics, blended family friction or unresolved conflict with our own fathers. It all compounds. This is why emotional healing isn't some soft add-on. It's the foundation of every healthy fatherhood experience.

Speaker 1: 3:13

And the good news is you don't need to heal it all overnight. You just need to give yourself permission to begin. I recall talking to my therapist just maybe a few months ago, and she used these words give yourself permission to do said things, give yourself permission to heal, give yourself permission to forgive, give yourself permission to walk away, give yourself permission to love. That give yourself permission. Statement or prefix to a sentence is very intense because to a sentence is very intense because we don't. We never had in society. Men aren't taught to have autonomy and given ourselves permission because our value is usually stuck in the people. That what we, the things that we do for people and how they value us and we deserve love because of how they value us or what we've done for them and that give yourself permission statement is so much more deeper.

Speaker 1: 4:24

It requires some unraveling to do, and Jim Murphy's inner excellence teaches us that our outer world reflects our inner world, teaches us that our outer world reflects our inner world. And if your mind is chaotic, everything else will feel like chaos. And it says, when we're talking about dads that want to lead, the only way to lead others well is to master the self first. This is where growth insights become so important. Fathers who are emotionally grounded can respond instead of react. They can stay present during hard moments. They can model vulnerability and strength at the same time. So, like building a parenting framework rooted into self-control and not ego, this level of emotional healing isn't just about you. It impacts your child's ability to express themselves, the tone of your home, the way you navigate conflict and co-parenting situations and, ultimately, the legacy you leave.

Speaker 1: 5:34

If you go back into some of the episodes that we've talked about where I've had with my child, we've talked about how my emotional state when I walk into the house, how it impacts the household. If I have a hard day at work and I come in with a sad face, everybody's excited to see me and I come in all upset or maybe drained from work, the household changes their tone to however I am. They either walk on eggshells or they get excited to see me because I come home with energy. I maintain I made sure, after like understanding that and learning that from my kids, I made sure that work-life balance became a thing. I no longer stayed extra hours at work just to get a project done. When it's time to go home, it's time to go home and that's when I become dad. We can be the employee person all day long, but that shuts off at five. You have me. You've asked for my time. You give me money based on my time from nine to five. After that it's family time and that has changed how I engage with my family. My family knows to expect me at a certain time. They are ready with questions and homework and talking and you know different ideas and they're telling me about their day and I have enough energy to receive all of that and receive that love.

Speaker 1: 6:56

But that's that emotional healing we're talking about when it impacts our marriages, when we have that unhealed pain. It can show up in various situations, like if your partner is upset with you. It can upset you because they're upset a co-parenting mechanism, so to speak. And depending on how we were raised, we can fall into one of these three attachment styles which will impact our relationship, because we have not necessarily worked through our emotional distress, our past trauma. The first style is anxious the anxious attachment and people with this style crave intimacy and validation, often experiencing anxiety about the abandonment or seeking constant reassurance. Or you would fall into the avoidant type. Individuals with this style value independence highly and may avoid emotional intimacy, appearing detached or uninterested in close relationships and engaging with your spouse. It can look like you're having trouble experiencing intimacy or showing empathy in different moments, whenever their emotions become high or unregulated. And the last one is disorganized or fearful. Avoidant type. This style combines elements of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles, with individuals desiring intimacy but also fearing vulnerability and potential hurt.

Speaker 1: 8:35

And the interesting part about all of these is that these attachment styles are kind of foundation to all those other things that people talk about that men are, whether they use words like narcissist, they use words like bipolar, they use words like borderline personality, all those different variations but it starts with how we interact with the world, and when we have these insecure attachment styles, it could keep our relationships rocky all the time. And I will say that most men deal with this and have no idea that this thing even exists. They don't address this in their life because they feel like people are just mean to them or people just don't get them Maybe their partner just don't. They can never calm down. They feel like they're always on edge and they may have one of these three different types of attachment styles. You may have one of these three different attachment styles that impact how you love, how you relate to, how you connect with your family.

Speaker 1: 9:41

So let's dive in a little bit about not only the attachment styles, but what causes them and what impact comes from them. But we're going to start from a good attachment, a secure attachment, if you will. A secure attachment style develops when caregivers are consistently responsive, sensitive and emotionally available to the child's needs. This includes providing comfort, understanding and support during distress. This is the type of parent that we all seek to be but don't always quite make it there. But how does this impact our child when we are constantly responsive and sensitive and emotionally available to our children, that securely attached individuals tend to have positive views of themselves and others and feel comfortable with intimacy and closeness and are able to navigate conflict and emotional challenges in relationships.

Speaker 1: 10:42

Now let's talk about the insecure attachment styles that we talked about earlier the anxious, the avoidant and disorganized. On the anxious side, this is usually caused and it arises from inconsistent or unpredictable parenting, where caregivers are sometimes responsive and sometimes neglectful. The child may learn to be hypervigilant for signs of emotional availability, leading to anxiety about relationships. Anxious individuals may crave intimacy and closeness, but also fear abandonment, leading to clinginess, jealousy and a need for constant reassurance. And a lot of us fall into these relationships because, as men, we're taught to be people pleasers first. We are literally valued by the things that we do. We're taught to be people pleaser first and we may fall into this anxious, avoidant, but we may find a relationship that our partner is anxiously attached. Now let's talk about the avoidant type, and this is and I'll talk more about because this is more of my side I honestly believe I sit between avoidant and disorganized. But let's talk about the avoidant attachment. Avoidant attachment can develop when caregivers are emotionally unavailable, rejecting or dismissive of their child's needs. The child may learn to suppress their emotions and distance themselves from others to avoid potential rejection and disappointment. And how does this impact? And how does this impact? This makes an impact by the aborted? Individual may struggle with intimacy, have difficulty expressing emotions and prefer emotional distance in relationships. This one is heavily mine.

Speaker 1: 12:30

I grew up in a very tumultuous household. My grandmother who was constantly recovering from some form of drug addiction all my life, or alcoholism, it was always a thing. I was a caregiver for her, but also when my needs came about, it never mattered. I remember distinctly spending so much time in my room away from her, away from people in the household or separated from somehow from them. I was there in the house, but separated, for you know eons amount of time. Obviously, I went outside a lot. I was in that age where I played outside, but there were times where I wasn't even allowed to go outside, so I had to stay in my room, wasn't even allowed to go outside, so I had to stay in my room and I was just and I mean all the way up to 16, even when you know I'm 16 and living with my grandmother, I can recall, like she just always. She's always in her room. I can remember my grandma's always in her room, never comes out, or she's. There was a period of time she just stayed on the couch and we couldn't use the living room for much of anything.

Speaker 1: 13:42

But that impacted me in a way that I have a difficulty expressing my own emotions and I prefer distance and emotional distance. When someone unregulated or dysregulated is engaging with me, I tend to want to tell a joke or avoid it or disappear from it or kind of. And having a daughter, it's real difficult to kind of navigate this space because when she's upset I want to give her a solution to it, for her to stop crying. When she's crying over a little, over a boy she's a teenager now but crying over a boy, I want to, you know, be upset at the dude. But navigating the whole emotional space is hard for me and I try. But it's definitely a challenge. And this last one is a disorganized, which is why I think that I kind of fall into this disorganized space. I'll tell you that in a second. But this style is often associated with childhood trauma, abuse or neglect, where the caregiver is both a source of comfort and fear, the child may experience conflicting emotions and struggle to trust themselves or others. Where the caregiver is both a source of comfort and fear, the child may experience conflicting emotions and struggle to trust themselves or others. And what impact does this make? Disorganized individuals may have difficulty forming stable relationships, experience emotional instability and struggle with self-regulation.

Speaker 1: 14:57

I truly believe this is where I fall, like my recovering addicted grandmother was very abusive and I talk about it in a couple episodes in 15 Minutes with Dad when I talk about my trauma. But my grandmother was verbally abusive, physically abusive, but also like I really loved her and I didn't even know that my grandmother was toxic until I went to college and a professor was like cause, I was saying things like oh, this is, you know, I gotta go do this before this and this, and then she was like wait a minute, what? And she started asking questions and then she was like you need to get away from it. That is toxic. Your grandmother is toxic. I'm sorry, I don't want to talk about it like that, but your grandmother is toxic the first person to ever talk about my grandmother to me in that way and it actually made me question her, because I never questioned that my grandmother loved me or who she was or any of that I never even knew.

Speaker 1: 16:00

I was so much abused until I started looking back on my life and I'm like bro, I was truly living a terrible childhood, a traumatic childhood that I suppress Every time something happened. I knew that I'm so good at suppressing my trauma at these and I told my therapist this last week. I was like I'm so good at suppressing my trauma at these and I told my therapist this last week. I was like I am so good at suppressing my trauma, like so good that something can happen one week and I would forget it the next week. If it was a bad experience, I would completely forget it and try to move on because I need to do a thing that is so wild but that is disorganized. It's a mixture of both anxious and the avoided. When a person has a caregiver is both a source of comfort and the source of fear. Use as a father to heal. So let's get practical here, like if you're ready to start your healing journey.

Speaker 1: 17:07

There's five accessible tools that bring mental health, mental clarity, self-awareness and inner peace to your day-to-day life as a dad One. Let's normalize therapy and talk space. Therapy and talk space. It's very important that you have a space to communicate how you feel. You can do that with 15 Minutes with Dad, or you can find some other forum with fathers on Facebook. There's groups all throughout Facebook Fatherhood Fraternity, there's single dads, there's a co-parenting space. There's all these different spaces for fathers and therapy isn't weakness. I've been doing it for the last year and a half and it's done wonders for me Me being able to talk out these crazy thoughts that are in my head and how I'm processing it. I'm understanding that there are some things that I do wrong, but there's also some things that should not be okay, that I accept to be okay and I have to equip myself to rid myself of them. But whether it's with a counselor or a mentor, talking it out rewires your mind, so you can check out fatherhood specific support groups or emotional healing podcasts like 15 minutes with dad.

Speaker 1: 18:29

The second one create a daily emotional check-in and this is kind of weird to ask, right, but you could do it on your phone. There's these. There's a daily standup app or something like that inside of your. There's a daily stand-up app or something like that inside of your if you have an Apple phone, or put in your notes, put your date on there and then check in what am I feeling right now. And you can use voice memos or the journaling app to check your emotional temperature before stepping into dad mode, meaning like when you wake up in the morning. Check in how are you feeling today and you can be vulnerable with yourself. Writing it down and reading it yourself can literally be you doing some shadow work.

Speaker 1: 19:16

The third one is move your body to clear your mind. Movement is medicine, whether it's walking, stretching or boxing. Movement shifts emotional weight. For me, I've been doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu consistently for three months. I got my first stripe because I've been deep into it. I study it. I competed, I got second place. My daughter competed got first place. We we do jujitsu as a family, but jujitsu has changed my life. I move, I work out hard. I built a gym in my garage just so I can work out and get better at jujitsu, but it's all feeding into how I feel about myself. It feels absolutely phenomenal. The fourth one is replace self-criticism with self-compassion Instead of saying I should have done better. Try, I'm learning and next time I'll do differently. I'm learning and next time I'm going to do differently.

Speaker 1: 20:17

Talk to yourself the way you talk to your son or your daughter in a low moment. Give yourself that father that you may or may not have had. But tell that statement to yourself. You wouldn't want your kids to beat up on themselves. So you have to be able to emulate that. And the only way you can practice what you preach is by practicing what you preach. And the last one this one is easy but also easier said than done Build yourself a support system.

Speaker 1: 20:49

So many of us dads are walking around with no friends, nobody to hang out with, no one to kind of call up on. You know he's like hey, he knows I exist. When he want to talk, he knows I'm here. No, reach out to your brothers. Reach out to your brothers and talk to them. Reach out to your friends, your buddies, whoever you want to call them. Reach out and talk to them. Find other dads who are walking the same path and speak life into each other.

Speaker 1: 21:18

Like there was a time. I'm going to go and tell you guys about a time where I had to face myself. There was a time I'm going to go and tell you guys about a time where I had to face myself. There was a time when I snapped at my kids over something small, but it really wasn't about them, it was about my stress, my self-worth and my exhaustion. Like later that night, I realized I become a version of the father I said I wouldn't be Distant, irritable, emotionally shut down. That was my wake-up call. I started journaling, I joined a support group and I got help. Didn't fix everything overnight, but it helped me show up differently, more open, more honest and more human. Differently, more open, more honest and more human. And my kids? They didn't need a perfect dad, they just needed a present one. And sometimes dads, we make mistakes. But there's time, there's life and we can make a difference. Let's be clear Healing isn't a weakness, it's a requirement. Today we unpacked why mental health is the foundation of healthy fatherhood, how emotional presence and personal development for dads begins with healing.

Speaker 1: 22:39

Five accessible tools to help you manage stress, guilt and anger over old emotional wounds. So here's your challenge Give yourself permission to heal this week. Pick one tool, whether it's journaling, therapy or daily check-in. Commit to using it for the next seven days, one week. Because when you heal, your children inherit peace. When you grow, they grow, and when you show up real, they feel safe to do the same. We're building secure attachments. Fellas. Next week we're moving from the inner world to the outer legacy with redefining masculinity strength through vulnerability. So keep showing up, because your healing is a part of their future.