The Provider Myth: How to Show Up as a Father Without Chasing Money

Host Lirec Williams discusses Family financial pressures often turn fatherhood into a relentless grind for more money, more security, and more status. But what if chasing the "provider role" is pulling you away from the one thing your children need most—your presence?

In this honest and empowering episode of 15 Minutes with Dad, host Lirec Williams breaks down the “provider trap”—the belief that a father’s worth is tied to his wallet. Lirec shares his own turning point: a season where he was working constantly to “create a better life” and realized he was missing the life happening right in front of him.

“They needed me more than they needed more.”

With insights from Jim Murphy’s Inner Excellence, this episode reveals how true fatherhood leadership begins with emotional presence, not financial pressure. Your kids won’t remember what you bought—but they’ll always remember how you showed up.

🎯 What You’ll Learn:

• Why redefining success as a father starts with presence
• How the provider mindset can quietly damage family connection
• 4 practical shifts: from income-based worth to purpose-based leadership
• Real stories that prove emotional wealth > financial wealth

Whether you're thriving financially or barely holding it together, this episode gives you practical steps to build deeper connections and become the father your children will remember.

🎧 Take the 15-minute challenge: Create one distraction-free moment of connection with your child this week. Ask a question. Sit in their world. Let the phone wait. Because in the end, your presence is the legacy.

Chapters

• 1:44 Introducing the Provider Trap
• 2:52 More Than a Paycheck
• 6:17 Four Ways to Lead with Purpose
• 9:31 Building Emotional Wealth
• 12:21 Your Challenge and Next Steps

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:53

Welcome back to another episode of 15 Minutes with Dad, the podcast where we talk about showing up, growing up and leveling up as fathers in real life. I'm your host, lyric Williams, and today's episode we're tackling a topic that hits hard for a lot of us the provider trap, like redefining success beyond the paycheck. Like most of us, we're raised to believe that if we're not bringing home the money, we're not doing our job. As men We've heard it, felt it, even judged ourselves by it you got to provide. Your worth is tied to your wallet. If you're not working, what good are you? But here's the truth you are more than a paycheck. Today we're going to unpack that. Why this provider mindset can become a trap. How to redefine success as a father and four ways to lead your family with purpose even if money is tight. And I'm going to go into how Inner Excellence by Jim Murphy challenges us to lead with presence, not pressure.

Speaker 1: 1:57

Let's go deeper Now. Let's call out the elephant in the room right. We tie our identity to our income. When we feel broke, we feel broken. When we lose a job, we lose our confidence. When we can't give our kids everything, we question our worth. But here's what our kids really need Emotional presence, stability and love, not just lifestyle A father who shows up and not just pays up. So providing is important. Don't get me wrong, but it's not everything Like.

Speaker 1: 2:38

I once spent so much time trying to create a better life for my family that I wasn't actually living life with them. I was there in body, but my mind was on work, bills and building. What I didn't realize was they needed me more than they needed more. Let me say that again, they needed me more than they needed more and all throughout my life I was made to live on this concept of like you got to your woman's happy when you're making money, when you're providing. I think that there is a sense of stability that comes from that. And and I had this conversation with my girlfriend even when I, when we first started dating, and when I asked her what does she want a man first word she said was a provider. Um, and to some women that's it's very valuable. That's the thing that they probably seek, because it brings some form of stability. No one wants to live with someone in instability, so let's be. It brings some form of stability. No one wants to live with someone in instability, so let's be upfront with it.

Speaker 1: 3:41

Providing is important, but it's not everything. So in the book Inner Excellence by Jim Murphy, he reminds us that the true measure of greatness isn't in what you have. It's in who you are under pressure. So success as a father isn't about providing more. It's about being more, more emotionally available, more consistent and more aligned with your values and more rooted in presence instead of pressure.

Speaker 1: 4:11

When we focus, when we're focused on only chasing money, we lose connection. When we're focused on only chasing money, we lose connection. When we're focused on legacy and leadership, we bring the best of who we are into our homes, whether we're up or down financially. I know that there are people out there that would tell a story about their dad when they were down on their luck and their dad was made created the most amazing memories during that time when they were down on their luck. That meet as a person, that core concept as a person, that, even no matter whether it's good or bad, you still are aligned in a way that your family will feel your presence, even when it's in a bad times, and they're down to stand with you and do whatever it is that dad says. Because whether we're up or whether we're down. We know that dad got us emotionally, psychologically, on all these other fronts.

Speaker 1: 5:15

Okay, now let me give you four shifts that you can make today that will change the way you lead your family. Number one lead with presence, not just provision. Why does that matter? Being physically and emotionally available leaves a lasting impact. Physically and emotionally available leaves a lasting impact. You can buy so many things for your kids and I can guarantee it, by 30 days after, they're going to be wanting something new and they're going to forget what you spent your money on. You work hard for your money. So if your identity is tied into your money, you're like yo, I just bought you this and you being ungrateful, that's because it doesn't make a lasting impact. They're going to forget about whatever you buy them literally 30 days after. I kind of timed it at 30 days at this point that if it's not something that my kids will like, at 30 days after I don't buy it, I just say no, because we're going to do something different. We're going to do something that's going to be longer, lasting, more impactful, something that we'll enjoy.

Speaker 1: 6:24

Then the second one celebrate what you do, not just what you earn. At different times throughout my life as a dad, you know, I'll you know, say, hey, you being ungrateful Cause I I I'm out here making working long hours trying to make this money so I can make this happen and do this thing for you and all this stuff. Like that crap don't matter. Like kids don't care about it, doesn't even, it just makes them feel guilty. But they are not tied to what you just said, they don't care how much money you earn. Like, yes, kids like things, you know, your wife likes things, your girlfriend likes things. But at the end of the day, like as a man, it is important that you have a foundation that money doesn't make our family. Money is what we use to enjoy our lives. But we are quality people, right, and so celebrating what you do and not just what you earn matters, because your effort, your time, your patience and love are valuable, even if they don't come with the paycheck. So let's try and list, make a list of five ways that you've contributed to your family this week that had nothing to do with money, five things and I can guarantee you like I mean, let me tell you this outright like every time my kids open their mouth or my girlfriend opens her mouth to say hey babe or hey dad. Money is going out. But there is more in that For me, something I did.

Speaker 1: 8:14

I went and bought a gym like a Smith machine and I built out my garage, I painted it, I laid the floors, I built some storage shelves the whole nine yards to make sure that my family can actually pour into themselves when you know throughout the day or throughout the year for their goals that they want. Everybody has a health goal in my house, but we all made excuses on why it was hard to do that. So I brought the gym home. I needed it as well. I needed something convenient for me as well to work out a lot more often. So I brought the gym home. I made the investment. Everyone committed to using it and I built this gym for my family. That's something that I feel like I contributed to my family. It cost me, but I feel like the word that I would say is I would not say that I bought my family a gym. I'd be like I built a gym inside of my garage and a house that we bought so that my family can pour into themselves over time and reach their goals.

Speaker 1: 9:17

Number three let's build emotional wealth. Why does that matter. A home full of peace, safety and love is richer than any mansion that you can provide your family. What's good is a big home. If it's tumultuous, if it's unstable, like. Ask your kids one feeling based question this week and listen without trying to fix it. Just listen, they may fix it themselves. And the last one set a purpose-based vision. Your family needs to know your presence, needs to. They need your presence more than they need you to be perfect. And I say this almost every episode, almost every episode. Set a purpose-based vision for your family, based vision for your family. And don't be afraid to delegate tasks on parts of your family because they're going to be invested, because they know that there is a plan in place for them. When you have kids that are kind of going willy nilly and trying to figure out their own path with you as a parent, that's because they don't believe in your vision and you have to get commitment into your vision. But in order for there to be commitment to a vision, you have to have one.

Speaker 1: 10:43

There was a time when I couldn't afford to do what I wanted to do for one of my kids on their birthday. I couldn't do a big trip, couldn't create a big party, but I planned a day full of presents and during that day we laughed, we cooked together, we watched old videos and you know what they said at the end of that day that was the best birthday ever. That moment reminded me that I was enough. Not because I did something huge, but because I showed up on purpose. And those moments of reliving time in our life or playing games together. We get to sit there and engage with one another and talk about really cool things that we all enjoy and learn each other better and better. It's like a team. You're learning your team and building rapport better and stronger.

Speaker 1: 11:51

So today we dismantle the lie that says your worth is in your wallet. We're choosing a new definition of success One rooted in presence, not in pressure, one that builds emotional wealth, and one where leadership starts inside, not in your bank account. So here's your challenge Take 15 minutes this week to lead with presence. Ask your kid a real question, sit in their space, laugh without distraction, be there, remind yourself. You are enough, even when you don't feel like it. Next week we're talking about something we don't talk about enough Fatherhood and mental health. Giving yourself permission to heal Until next time lead with your presence, not your paycheck. Your kids will remember the moments and not the money.