Finding Your Purpose: Empowering Fathers to Lead with Intention

What if discipline wasn’t about control, but about connection and emotional growth? In this episode of 15 Minutes with Dad, we explore how to shift away from the outdated discipline methods many of us experienced—yelling, threats, and physical punishment—and move toward a more intentional, empowering model of fatherhood rooted in supportive communication and emotional resilience.

The word “discipline” comes from “disciple,” meaning one who learns. This episode challenges the traditional view and redefines parenting through a lens of teaching, not punishing. True discipline isn’t about forcing obedience through fear—it’s about helping our children understand their emotions, values, and the real-world impact of their actions.

As fathers, we have the opportunity to break generational trauma and lead with purpose. I share five powerful discipline strategies that have transformed my relationships with both my teenager and toddler:

• Connect before you correct
• Use natural consequences
• Create clear agreements
• Reflect instead of lecture
• Model emotional regulation

These approaches promote family empowerment and teach emotional intelligence. This isn’t about being “soft” on your kids—it’s about leading as a dad who models strength through patience, not punishment.

The goal? To raise emotionally healthy children who make good choices because they understand their values—not because they fear the consequences. Implement just one of these healthy habits this week and experience the shift in your family dynamic.

Listen now, and visit 15minuteswithdad.com/discipline for more tools on mental healing, conscious co-parenting, and raising the next generation with intention and love.

Chapters

• 0:00 Redefining Discipline for Modern Fathers
• 4:15 The Old Way No Longer Works
• 5:31 Five Respectful Discipline Strategies
• 12:27 Emotional Regulation for Fathers
• 19:00 Recap and Weekly Challenge

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:53

Welcome back to another episode of 15 minutes with dad, the podcast where we talk real fatherhood, emotional growth and everything it takes to show up as the man your children need. I'm your host, lyric williams, and this is a new season, a new chapter, and we're kicking it off with the big one. Let's be honest Most of us were raised in homes where discipline meant yelling, grounding and maybe even a belt. We were taught to fear our parents, not understand them, and when we became fathers, many of us repeated those same patterns, even when we promised ourselves we wouldn't. But today we asked the question what if discipline wasn't about control but about connection? What if our children's behavior wasn't something to crush but something to guide with intention? Let's unpack it, let's shift it, so let's talk about why the old way no longer works. Punishment might stop a behavior in the moment, but it doesn't teach our kids why to do better. Discipline that comes from anger, fear and shame often creates children who obey to avoid consequences, not because they understand values, kids who suppress emotions instead of learning to process it, and adults who either rebel against authority or constantly need someone to tell them what to do. So if that sounds familiar, you're not alone, but the truth is we're not just raising children, we're raising future adults, and discipline should prepare them for life, not just for surviving childhood. And if I look at my life and how I grew up, I grew up in an extremely disciplined household where I got a whooping as a solution for literally everything. Whether I'm sweeping the floor and there's, like you know, straw strings from the broom because we had straw brooms back then straw strings from the broom left on the floor. After I swept the floor, after doing kitchen at night, my grandmother would wake me up in the middle of the night pulling me by my ear Like I was living in an extreme form of discipline, not saying that everyone out there is doing this level, but I mean my household was abusive. And so I'm coming from you, from learning the polar opposite and how it affects and trying to implement the opposite. Not the opposite, but more of a balance of what discipline looks like in my household. And so let's talk about what is discipline really about. Let's define or redefine discipline Like.

Speaker 1: 3:28

Discipline isn't about power, it's about teaching. The root word of discipline is disciple someone who learns. So when we discipline our children, we're really teaching them values like respect, patience and honesty. We're showing them how to regulate their emotions and helping them understand how their actions impact others, impact others, and that's a big shift. It requires us to kind of slow down and respond, not react. It requires us to lead with love and not ego. And here's the kicker Discipline starts with the adult, not the child. Discipline starts with us, the adults, and not the children. So I want to talk about five respectful discipline strategies that actually work and how I use these in my real life with my kids, and a big part of this is for me to communicate the difference that is made in my households.

Speaker 1: 4:40

So first let's try and connect before you correct. Number one like kids listen better when they feel emotionally safe. If we go down their throat, yelling at them, they will typically shut down. I used to shut down as a kid. My grandma would be like why you did this, you know, and I'll just literally just not say anything, and then she'll think I'm being disrespectful. Then the whole thing turns all about ego and not about what it is that I did wrong or why she is upset either. So like things that I try now as an adult with my kids is like even my toddler, two years old, unreasonable tantrums for no reason, just randomly just starts saying no to everything. But I start with like, are you upset? Or even with my 16-year-old daughter I talk to her the same way I was, like I see you're upset by what I just said, or I see you're upset right now and I want us to understand what happened before we figure it out together. Can you tell me what took place to make you feel this way or react that way or to make that decision? So, and then the next one is this one is pretty difficult because I grew up, like I said, in an extreme case of like I don't even call it discipline abuse, a stream, case of abuse within a household, and this one is a tough balance for me, but I try and navigate it as much as I possibly can.

Speaker 1: 6:06

So the second one is trying to use natural consequences. Life is the best teacher when we step back. So for my 16-year-old daughter and all this that I've learned, I've learned mostly with her, but there used to be like consequences, you can't do this and you can't do this, and hold off from doing this and doing that, and you know, and that was cool at a certain age. But then, when she became older and she had abstract thought, a lot of those things no longer became valuable as a teacher for her, and what started to happen is I would give her advice and she would make decisions opposite of that and I would tell her what could possibly happen. And if you choose this, this is what the outcome will be, whether it be with grades, whether it be with school, whether it be with friends, and they all kind of you know, just kind of played its part and that made more of a difference in her life and what decisions she makes now and how she's changed over time than anything that I've ever done earlier in her life of like punishment from this, taking from this and doing this and this.

Speaker 1: 7:08

So if your child forget their lunch, they will remember it next time better than if you yell at them for forgetting their lunch. With AB, with my 10 year old, I tend to do this a lot better with um because you know he's he's learning a lot about life. So, whereas with my 16-year-old, I would just when she was younger I would get upset, you know tell her all these different things with the hope that she would learn that in the moment, whereas now with my 10-year-old. I'm like, hey, if you know, I told you to take the trash out. Now we don't have a place to put our trash. Or you were supposed to do the dishes. You didn't do the dishes. No matter what the excuse is, now we don't have as many dishes to eat with during a week because you didn't do your dishes yesterday and now we're behind or like something of that nature.

Speaker 1: 7:59

Just some natural consequences to, but calling out the natural consequences to their decisions rather than yelling at them and getting upset. And this is something this next one is something I really love to do because it allows me to have an agreement with my kids. So create a clear agreement, not threats, like kids feel respected and understood and they are able to understand what's expected. So let's talk about bedtime together. What happens when it's not followed, you know, like having a conversation about what it looks like. So with my son, I know that my 10 year old. I know that if he doesn't go to bed at 8.30, 8.45, the latest, he will have a hard time waking up and he'll feel a little groggy. He'll have a hard time. He may not even make the school bus and if he misses the school bus then it kind of disrupts the entire day of our morning and so we talk about those things and his bedtime has decreased from like 9, 30 to being 8 30 because of that.

Speaker 1: 9:04

Because we were trying to find a balance and I was making it about I'm wanting him to be able to get up for school and have a good day, instead of me saying, you know, getting upset, you missed the bus and you blah, blah, blah, and like I don't even get mad. I don't even get mad these days about it. I just kind of just hey, this is what we talked about. You know, I just kind of just hey, this is what we talked about. I just kind of refer back to our agreement and those things kind of like, believe it or not, this doesn't sound like what a person would discipline from, but these are things that you can use to find a balance in the way that you discipline. These are not going to completely replace the way that you discipline, but they will help you find a balance. Whereas most kids, they start becoming rebellious and angry and upset at their parents because their parents don't understand them or their dad don't understand them, because a lot of people look at a dad figure as being a disciplinary, and discipline is a balance. It's not just a I'm going to beat your ass every time you do something or I'm going to yell at you. I'm going to be here to make you feel bad about something that you did. It's teaching, it's making your kids a disciple of you.

Speaker 1: 10:12

So let's talk about the fourth one. We can reflect. Like I said before, we can reflect, but we don't have to lecture After you talk for about, like kids to attention span these days, or a few minutes, max 30 minutes, they'll shut down completely and we're talking all out the woo-ha for a long periods of time, hoping that they learn. And when I tell you, I am a lecturer, I can teach and I can talk. That's why I have a podcast. I can talk for a long time and I used to lecture my kids so much and I realized it was getting nowhere because they didn't really, you know, obtain anything that I said I was just venting for the whole portion of the time. So instead of venting on your kids like reflect, don't lecture. So kids tune out lectures but engage when they're part of the conversation.

Speaker 1: 11:11

So make it a back and forward about how, like, getting them from cause to effect with their own minds helps. The conversation becomes more digested by them because they're guiding their brain and their thought rather than you forcing their brain and their thought. After they turn like 11, they start becoming abstract thinkers and it seems like they're becoming rebellious or they're becoming a teenager, but more so they're becoming an abstract thinker, which means that they need to guide their own selves through their thought. They're practicing and exercising that muscle of the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. They're exercising that to make it stronger and they're going to make mistakes. But in order for their mistakes to be a lesson, they have to go through it themselves.

Speaker 1: 11:55

So you can try things like what do you think you could do differently next time, like we've seen what happened now. You did this. This is the outcome what do you think could be done differently next time and what outcome would you expect from that? And they will take that and they will digest that, whatever they talk through. And they will take that and they will digest that, whatever they talk through. You're just there to listen and hear them. Like talk a little bit less, you will have less stress, your blood pressure will go down, you will thank me. And the last one is probably the most important one that I can tell you guys, and it's you have to model emotional regulation. Model your emotional regulation. Your kids have to see that what they did did not completely tear down the fabric of their family, that what they did was a decision that kids make, and kids make similar decisions out of curiosity. And children mirror us. They will see how we're reacting and they will learn to react that way in those high emotional situations.

Speaker 1: 13:11

This isn't to say that you should not be emotional, but you can say that I, you know, hey, you did this thing. If it personally affects you, like, hey, there's this thing that you did and it made me feel this way, made me feel like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and moving forward. I would like to not have that be our relationship, something as simple as that. That's not the answer to all things, but I'm just saying you can try. I need a moment to calm down so I can respond the right way. Take a step back and talk about it. When you're ready to talk about it. It's okay to be upset with your kids. What I'm telling you is not to not be upset. The thing I'm telling you is is to regulate your emotions, feel through it. Regulating doesn't mean suppressing. It means to feel through it, navigate your thoughts, get the right thoughts in tune.

Speaker 1: 14:10

And I'll tell you, there was a point in time when my relationship with my daughter was terrible and I'm like I thought I've been close to her this whole time and I just started learning my daughter in a different way, all the decisions that she was making and, like you know, as she's becoming a teenager and we did an episode on this overcoming teen self-harm healing with my daughter. It was, it was scary and I had to deal with a lot of. I had to regulate my emotions so much when I'm, I tell you, my blood pressure was up, lord, I was out of there. I was out of there so much. But these tools aren't all, aren't about being soft, they're about being strong in your leadership and grounded in your emotional intelligence. So here's a moment in my life and when I tell you I've learned so much with my teenager.

Speaker 1: 15:00

But there was a period of time when my teenager would talk back, had a disrespectful tone, she would cut her eyes, not make eye contact, the whole nine, and the old me like I'm not going to lie, I'm not going to lie, I would have snapped. I would have raised my voice, maybe taken something away to teach a lesson. I would have talked for a long time and it wouldn't even have been about what she did, but how she's reacting in this moment. Oh, I would talk two hours, three hours, easy. But instead I started pausing. I would say things like look, you seem frustrated, let's just talk, we're both ready.

Speaker 1: 15:35

I had to detach myself away from the situation because I felt I realized that the situation was not ideal for her and, understanding that she doesn't like the fact that she's in trouble, I want her to get the information that I want her to get. I want her to get my ego. And later we sat down and she admitted that she was embarrassed about the thing that she had did at school that day, and me bringing it up again obviously would regurgitate those feelings. But had I punished right away, I never would have gotten to that truth and, more importantly, she never would have felt safe to share it. And that moment wasn't about behavior, it was about trust. That's a shift that we're making. We want our kids to trust us so that they can talk to us about the. It could if I made it about being a punishment situation or you going to lose out on all this. I lose the chance to let her make the mistake again so that she can try to make it right the next time.

Speaker 1: 16:50

You know, like some parents, they'd be like you can't do this for a month. You know you can't go here for a year. That is unrealistic. Like a kid won't even know why they're grounded. After time they just sit there finding other ways to entertain themselves and they'll get used to it. My brother he was grounded literally for six years straight, I feel like, cause he kept coming to every report card, f or something of that nature. He'll get in trouble at school. It's grounded for more months and it never did anything, bro. It didn't change a thing, he just got used to it. No Christmas presents, he got used to it. He couldn't take anything away from it at this point. He had nothing to lose, so it never really worked.

Speaker 1: 17:29

What I found to work is is that having those conversations with them, allowing them to, giving them the opportunity to make it right and do better. Kids want to be innately good. Kids want to innately be good. They make decisions that aren't ideal for parents, aren't ideal for you know, representing the parent, but in reality, they're their own person and they're navigating this world as crazy as we have to navigate it or are still navigating it. Inflation is real guys.

Speaker 1: 18:01

So today we talked about how we, as fathers, can shift from punishment to patient, purposeful discipline. Let's recap the old way of control through fear no longer serves us or our children. Discipline is about teaching, not punishing. It's about creating disciples of your children. Connection, reflection and emotional leadership are the real tools of a strong father.

Speaker 1: 18:33

So here's your challenge this week Choose one of the five discipline strategies and try it out, whether it's connecting before correcting, reflecting with your child or regulating your own emotions. Put one new tool into action and, if you want to dive deeper, head to 15minuteswithdadcom forward slash discipline for more tools, tips and printables you can use at home. Next week, we're going to dive even deeper into a topic every father needs to hear the provider trap Redefining success beyond the paycheck. Make sure you subscribe to 15 Minutes with Dad on your favorite podcast platform and follow us on social media at 15 minutes with dad, and make sure that you leave us a comment or leave us a review on this podcast so that other people like yourself could get ahold of this podcast until next time. Lead with patience, teach with love and discipline with purpose.