The 6-Step Framework to Turning Adversity into Growth (U2.0 Series)

The journey of fatherhood can often feel overwhelming, filled with challenges that seem insurmountable. Yet, what if those challenges are actually hidden opportunities for growth? In this thought-provoking episode, we dive deep into how fathers can harness adversity as a vehicle for personal development. We discuss the transformative principles found in Jim Murphy's book "Inner Excellence,” emphasizing how our mindset shapes our responses to life's hurdles.

From managing financial hardships to navigating complex co-parenting dynamics, we explore real-life scenarios that fathers face daily. We unveil a powerful six-step framework designed to shift your perspective on challenges and foster significant personal growth. This episode offers practical tips, encouraging fathers to embrace their journeys with a renewed mindset.

Join us as we uncover the power of adversity and how to use it to model resilience for your children. The insights shared in this episode promise to provide a fresh perspective on the trials of fatherhood. Subscribe, share, and leave a review to help support our mission to empower fathers everywhere. Are you ready to see challenges as stepping stones?

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Introduction
• 9:51 Core Principles of Inner Excellence
• 29:51 Six

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:52

Hey, welcome back to another episode of 15 minutes with dad, the podcast where we get real about fatherhood, personal growth and the journey to becoming your best self. I'm your host, lyric Williams, and we've spent the last several episodes building a foundation, talking about authenticity, deep connections, co-parenting and emotional resilience, but today's episode is all about the reality of fatherhood challenges, setbacks, adversity. Life is going to throw obstacles at you, some you expect and some that knock the wind out of you. The question isn't if challenges will come, but how you'll respond to them. So in this episode overcoming challenges from adversity to Growth we're going to talk about why adversity is not your enemy but your greatest teacher, the core principles of inner excellence and how they apply to fatherhood, and a powerful six step framework to shift your mindset and turn setbacks into stepping stones.

Speaker 1: 1:51

Jim Murphy, the author of Inner Excellence, teaches us that success in any area, whether in sports, business or life starts in the mind. So if we can learn to control our thoughts, emotions and reactions, we can transform any obstacle into opportunity. So if you're a father going through a rough season, whether it's financial relationship challenges, co-parenting struggles or personal setbacks this episode is for you. Let's get started. When we face difficulties, our natural instinct is to resist them. We want life to be smooth, predictable and free from struggle, but the truth is, challenges are where real growth happens. Jim Murphy writes in Inner Excellence Adversity is not the enemy, it's the training ground for greatness. The most successful people in the world don't avoid challenges. They embrace them as opportunities to improve. And as fathers, we have to do the same. Every challenge we face, whether it's a tough conversation with our child, a disagreement with our co-parents or our spouse, or financial hardship, is an opportunity to grow, learn and become stronger. Think about the men who inspire you, the great fathers, leaders or role models you admire. None of them got where they are without struggle. It wasn't comfort that shaped them, it was how they responded to adversity. So how do we shift our mindset? How do we start seeing challenges as teachers rather than threats? That's where the principles of inner excellence come in. So we're going to master our inner game first. And success isn't about what happens to you, it's about how you respond internally. So if your thoughts are filled with stress, frustration or doubts, your actions will also reflect that. You can start your day with a morning mental reset. Take five minutes before your kids wake up to reflect on the type of father you want to be today. And this brings the big overarching what kind of image I want my child to have of me? Question down to a minute detail, and you take it one day at a time.

Speaker 1: 4:05

The second would be to let go of the ego and expectations. I mentioned this quite a few times in this U2.0 series and this has been the most groundbreaking shift in my life and I didn't notice how much my ego was intertwined with everything that I do. How I respond to my family, how I respond to friends, how I feel when people aren't happy with something that I did, or even the thing that's kind of kept me back from being my best self, is the ego. We literally, quite literally, create our own suffering when we get too attached to how things should be. And I've focused on taking this word should out of my vocabulary, out of my family's vocabulary, because should is the breeding ground for ego. Maybe you expected a perfect family, a smooth co-parenting relationship or to be further ahead in life. Let go of unrealistic expectations. It will bring you peace. So, when frustration hits, ask yourself am I upset because of reality or because of my expectations of that reality. Shift your focus to what you can control.

Speaker 1: 5:19

The third thing would be to respond. Don't react Emotional reacting is easy, but responding with clarity and intentions is what separates great leaders. When your child is acting out, when your ex is being difficult or your spouse is being difficult or frustrated with you, or when life isn't going your way, just take a pause. Just pause. Practice the three-second rule, take a deep breath, count to three and then choose your response. The fourth concept is to see every challenge as a test. Instead of asking why is this happening to me, ask how is this happening for me. And I'll say it again Instead of asking why is this happening to me, ask how is this happening for me. Every tough moment is a chance to model strength, patience and wisdom for your kids. Shift your mindset. Reframe adversity as training for your growth training for your growth. Now I want to go into the six-step framework to turning your adversity into growth, and this is things that have transformed my life in real time, and I will stand by this. So, step one, pause and observe.

Speaker 1: 6:43

The biggest mistake happens when we react instead of thinking first and instead of reacting emotionally to stress. Take 10 seconds before responding If your child disrespects you, if your wife goes off on you or says something that hurts your feelings, or something happens in your life that just kind of takes your breath away. Pause, take a deep breath and respond with calm Leadership. Another big step and this is the second step is to reframe your challenge. Your perspective determines your reality. In cases where you think that people may be challenging your authority or not believing that you can do something. That's all your perspective. If somebody questions something that you're doing, it's probably because it's not clear to them. Rather than taking it as an ego trip of you, can respond. Instead of asking why me, you can ask what can I learn from this If things aren't going your way? Reframe your challenge. A co-parenting conflict can be reframed as an opportunity to practice patience and improve communication.

Speaker 1: 7:59

Step three you can focus on what you can control. Most stress comes from focusing on what we can't control. So write down two lists one for what's in your control and one for what isn't. Then focus only on the first list. You cannot change the world, but what you can do is move the things that are within your grasp. You can't control your ex's attitude. You can't control your wife's attitude. You can't control your wife's frustration. You can't control your kids being upset with you because you told them no, but you can control how you handle interactions with them. Step four take small, intentional actions. Big problems are solved through small, consistent steps. Big problems are solved through small, consistent steps. Break down any problem with one small step you can take.

Speaker 1: 8:54

Today I always use this analogy and I say it with my 10 year old to kind of help him build in this patience and take small, intentional actions. I ask him how do you eat an elephant? And I always ask him how do you eat an elephant? And while he's frustrated it takes him aback a little bit, but he already knows what it comes because I ask him the exact same question how do you eat the elephant? And you eat it one bite at a time. I wouldn't recommend trying to eat the elephant. That's a lot of elephant. Even baby elephants are a lot. But anyways, I'll say a little topic.

Speaker 1: 9:22

If you feel disconnected from your kids, start with 10 minutes of focused time with them every day, or 15 minutes that's why this podcast is called 15 Minutes with Dad and you can literally take one step at a time. You may not be able to win their love immediately, or win their forgiveness immediately, or get your spouse to be okay, or get your co-parent to understand your perspective okay, or get your co-parent to understand your perspective. But you got to take it one step at a time. The fifth step is to reflect and adjust. Growth is not automatic. You have to check in with yourself. Once you set a goal and you have measures in place, you'll be able to check back in with yourself, like at the end of each week, ask yourself what went well, what can I improve on? And if you lost your temper with your child let's say you lost your temper to a child reflect. How could I have handled that differently? And adjust for the next time.

Speaker 1: 10:25

And step six stay present while taking small steps toward your future. And I had to figure out how, and I had a child at the time, I was like 20, but I had a child at the time and I had no place to go. And I'm looking at my life like how will I get to a place of? I'm telling you this in hindsight, but if you live too far in the future, you feel anxious. If you live too far in the past, you'll feel regret.

Speaker 1: 11:17

True power is in the present, focusing on the fact that, okay, today I got to build structure, I got to build a foundation, but I need to still take small steps for my future. And I always tell my brother this in this format, you have to do. You have to worry about your now, get your now together, but also be making steps towards your future and keeping that vision at the forefront, focusing on the small daily wins that build toward a bigger vision. If you want to be a better father, focus on being engaged today and not worrying about how you measure up in five years. That is stressful because you're like oh, my present now, like we put our. Sometimes we put our present into the future and say, because it's like this now, this is how it's going to be in the future. But if you're taking steps to lead toward this bigger vision that you've created in the U2.0, the better version of yourself, then taking those small steps today will lead to that bigger step in the future.

Speaker 1: 12:17

For me, it was. I needed to find work. I found work. I ended up having to move somewhere and sacrifice my time that I have with my child for the most part and waking up to her every day, but I had to also go and use that time to go to school. So I was in school. It was sacrifices to get back and forth from, you know, 700, 600 miles away to come to see my daughter. Throughout that time the you know the drama that I was going through, but I had to stay focused on that vision. I had to continuously work. I had to continuously go to school in order to make sure that I don't end up in the same place. I was, and every day since then has been a progressive step. Now it hasn't been an uphill I mean, it hasn't been a consistent plateau or a great time. It's been an uphill battle throughout the entirety, and sometimes it was a downhill and then uphill. But you don't climb a mountain straight up. You have to go up and oxidize and then oxid. But you don't climb a mountain straight up. You have to go up and oxidize and then oxidate, and then come back down a little bit, then oxidate and then go back up a little bit and you gradually increase. And that was what my life was like Taking small steps for the future while focusing on making sure that my present was together and had a foundation.

Speaker 1: 13:33

Fatherhood isn't just about surviving the challenges. It's about growing through them. Today, we explored why adversity is your greatest teacher, the core principles of inner excellence and how they apply to fatherhood, and a six-step framework to shift your mindset and turn setbacks into growth. So here's your challenge. The next time adversity hits, don't just react. Use the six-step framework. Start training yourself to see challenges as opportunities, not obstacles. Growth happens in the process, not just the outcome. If you're enjoying this series, visit 15 minutes with dad for more insights, exercises and tools to help you on your journey. Next week, we'll be bringing everything together in our final two episodes finding your purpose, crafting a vision for your future as a father. You won't want to miss it. Make sure you subscribe to 15 minutes with dad on your favorite podcast platforms and follow us on social media at 15 minutes with dad for more fatherhood insights, motivation and support. Until next time, embrace the challenge, stay focused and keep growing. Your kids are watching and the man you become will shape the legacy you leave behind.