3 Mistakes Dads Make with Their Ex (U2.0 Series)

Co-parenting can often feel like navigating a minefield, but it doesn’t have to be. In this episode, we tackle the essential aspects of co-parenting, focusing on the importance of prioritizing your child's wellbeing over personal disputes. We discuss common pitfalls that parents often fall into, like allowing ego to interfere or using children as messengers, which can lead to unnecessary stress for everyone involved. 

You’ll learn five actionable strategies that can transform a conflicting co-parenting relationship into a collaborative partnership. From establishing clear communication boundaries to supporting your child’s relationship with both parents, we emphasize practical tools that promote peace and stability during challenging times. 

Navigating these dynamics requires not just intention but also the willingness to put children's needs first. Join us as we explore how to foster a co-parenting environment that prioritizes emotional security and healthy relationship development for your child. 

Dive in, learn, and share your thoughts with us! Your insights could help reshape someone's co-parenting journey. Subscribe and visit our website for further resources and support!

Chapters

• 1:43 Introduction to Co
• 7:11 Common Mistakes in Co
• 15:51 Essential Strategies for Effective Co

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:52

Hey, welcome back to another episode of 15 Minutes with Dad, the podcast, where we tackle real life fatherhood challenges, personal growth and the journey to becoming the best version of yourself. I'm your host, lyric Williams. I am an author, a data tech nerd and a career visual performing artist, but, most importantly, I'm a father of four crazy beautiful children, navigating the highs and lows of a blended family. Today's episode is about something that could be one of the most difficult aspects of fatherhood, but also one of the most important Navigating co-parenting, building bridges with your ex. Let's be real Co-parenting isn't easy. Emotions, past history and different parenting styles can all create tension. Isn't easy. Emotions, past history and different parenting styles can all create tension. But here's the truth your ability to co-parent, and effectively, is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. So in this episode, we're going to explore why healthy co-parenting is crucial for your child's well-being, the most common mistakes parents make when trying to co-parent and five strategies to improve your co-parenting relationship and create a more peaceful environment for your kids. If you want to shift your focus from conflict to collaboration and build a co-parenting relationship that truly works, this episode is for you. Before we dive into the strategies.

Speaker 1: 2:10

Let's talk about why co-parenting matters so much. Studies have shown that children who grow up with cooperative co-parenting matters so much. Studies have shown that children who grow with cooperative co-parenting relationships experience less stress and anxiety performs better in school. They have stronger self-esteem and emotional security. They develop healthier relationships in adulthood side. When children are caught in the middle of a parental conflict, it can lead to behavioral issues, emotional struggles and difficulty forming stable relationships later on in life.

Speaker 1: 2:42

So if you're dealing with a difficult co-parenting dynamic right now, ask yourself am I focused on winning against my ex or proving that she's wrong, or proving that I can be better than what she thought I was, or am I focused on what's best for my child? The best co-parents understand that it's not about being right. It's about creating the best possible life for their kids. But let's be honest. This isn't always easy. Let's talk about some of the biggest mistakes that hold fathers back from successful co-parenting. All right, so let's get real. Even with the best intentions, co-parenting can be hard. Here are three biggest mistakes that fathers make when trying to co-parent and how to avoid them. The first is a big one and I did this is actually a part of this series is the U2.0 series is letting go of the ego.

Speaker 1: 3:42

When you let your ego get in the way, you focus more on proving a point than on your child's knees. So let's shift your mindset. Like, winning an argument with your ex isn't as important as winning your child's peace of mind. Like winning an argument with your ex isn't as important as winning your child's peace of mind. In the long run, your child will be impacted by whether you have your ego in the way. So some dads will be like, hey, man, I, you know, I ain't want to cause, no, I ain't want to cause no issue. She over thinking I'm like this. Or she's talking to you and saying this, like you know, saying this about me to you, and then we kind of like separate from our kid because we feel like the mom is coercing the child to hate them, to hate us, and that's like the initial mindset that most men go into is like, hey, her mom is over here messing up with her, messing up his or her mind. You know, like they brainwashing them. I've heard that so many times. But at the end of the day, your child still seeks for you and it's your job, with any means that you have available to you is to be there, whether it's understanding the family law in your area, in your city or your state, whether it be getting some consultation by an attorney, whatever that may be, make sure that you prove that you are there so that your child knows that you're there.

Speaker 1: 5:00

Second, using your child as a messenger. Instead of communicating directly, you rely on your child to pass messages, which creates unnecessary stress for them. Putting your child in the middle, in whatever way, is a manipulative tactic, because the child has bearings over you and the mother. So you're like oh yeah, tell her this or tell her I'm going to do this instead of talking to her. You have to talk and be present in those conversations to actually navigate and I talk about this in the Mastering the Art of Co-Parenting workshops, as well as in my ebook Seven Key Strategies to a Healthy Co-Parenting Relationship.

Speaker 1: 5:45

The last one, the third one, I would say is reacting instead of responding. When emotions run high, you react impulsively instead of responding with thoughtfulness. So when something triggers, you take a pause, take a breath, wait before responding and always ask will this help or hurt the co-parenting relationship? And again, all of this is easier said than done. This is very broad concepts I'm talking about here, but in my seven key strategies to a healthy co-parenting relationship, I go way more in depth, way more in detail about how to do this, and recognizing these mistakes is the first step toward building a more effective co-parenting partnership. So let's talk about the five actionable strategies that can make a real difference. If you want a calmer, healthier and more productive co-parenting relationship, these five strategies will help you get there.

Speaker 1: 6:45

The first set clear communication boundaries. A structured approach to communication reduces misunderstanding and help keep things professional. But how do you do it? You can use natural or neutral communication tools, like co-parenting apps, like Our Family Wizard Talking Parents. You can keep all discussions child-focused and avoid personal attacks. Stay professional and respectful. I know it's very hard to try and push blame immediately just so that you can win over the argument, but I can tell you that it will never end your way. It will never end in anyone winning. And if you decide to use passive, aggressive tactics to communicate like, oh it hurts to know that you don't do this, or it hurts to know that you don't care about this, and instead of saying you never follow through with anything, try, can we agree on a set schedule for school pickups to keep things consistent for our child. It centers the conversation around the child. Can we move to a solution Instead of you don't do this and you can't do this and all of that good stuff? That's never going to play out in anyone's favor. So practice emotional detachment and stay solution oriented.

Speaker 1: 8:05

Co-parenting can be so freaking, frustrating, but reacting emotionally only fuels conflict. Freaking, frustrating, but reacting emotionally only fuels conflict. If a conversation starts to get heated, take a break before responding. Keep all interactions almost business-like If you think of it as a professional partnership. When conflict arises, ask what is the best solution for our child. Instead of escalating a disagreement about holiday schedules, say, let's focus on what will make the holiday special for our child and find a way to split the time. Keep your emotions out of it. Emotions are automatically in it, but when you focus on keeping it out of the situation, you're able to think more clear.

Speaker 1: 8:44

The fourth would be to support your child's relationship with the other parent. Kids need both parents and if there are mothers watching this, kids need both parents. Obviously, if the parent is a degenerate in many ways, then it's rightfully so, while you protect them from that. But speaking negatively about your ex damages your child's emotional security. So what can we do? We can encourage your child to maintain a strong relationship with their other parent. Avoid making your child feel like they have to choose sides and let them express love for both parents without guilt. And I know I'm talking to dads, and dads aren't always on this side of the coin where we're talking bad about the mom, because in some cases we want peace, but there are some dads that are manipulative, and if you are that dad, then I will. I am talking to you, but for the most part this is something that we have.

Speaker 1: 9:40

We deal with a lot of mothers that don't let their kids express love for the parents because they're like I'm here and your dad's not here, and this and that and he left us, and they have all this animosity that they pour into the child. They literally pour this kind of energy into the child's life because they disliked the dad. And if your child comes home excited about something fun they did with your ex, celebrate it with them. This reassures them that it's okay to love both parents. This was really hard at the earlier onset of me and the mother of my daughter.

Speaker 1: 10:13

Daughter's co-parenting relationship was that my daughter felt like she had to choose in between the both of us because we weren't good, and it was almost like oh, whatever happens at your mom's house, keep it over there, don't bring it over here. Whatever happens at your dad's house, don't bring it over here. Or when she gets home's house, don't bring it over here. Or you know, when she gets home like you're so spoiled, your dad does this and this and that, and that was a lot of all of that at the earlier onset of our relationship. That's not the same at this point in time, but it was definitely a thing. And last but not least, keep your child at the center of every decision. When you focus on what's best for your child, everything else becomes easier. Ask yourself before any decision is this about my child or is this about me? Show up consistently. Your child's security comes from knowing you'll always be there. So if your ex wants to adjust the schedule slightly to accommodate an important event for your child, consider being flexible when it benefits them.

Speaker 1: 11:17

Now, co-parenting isn't about being perfect. It's about being intentional, patient and focused on what truly matters your child's well-being. Today, we covered why healthy co-parenting is crucial for your child's success, the biggest mistakes that hold co-parents back and five powerful strategies to improve communication, consistency and cooperation. So here's your challenge Pick one of these strategies and apply it this week, whether it's setting up a shared calendar, improving communication or practicing emotional detachment. Take a small step toward a healthier co-parenting relationship. And, if you're enjoying this series, visit 15minuteswithdadcom for more resources and more insights, co-parenting tools and real-life strategies. Next week, we'll dive into overcoming challenges, turning adversity into growth as a dad. So describe 15 minutes with dad on your favorite podcast platform and follow us on 15 minutes with dad for more content. Until next time, stay patient, stay focused and keep showing up for your kids.