5 Ways that You Can Build a Deep Connection with Your Children (U2.0 Series)

Join us as we explore the profound impact of emotional presence in fatherhood and why connection goes beyond just being physically present. This episode dives into the journey of building deeper and more meaningful relationships with our children, emphasizing that emotional bonds are the real cornerstone of effective parenting. 

We discuss common mistakes that fathers make when trying to connect, such as not considering their child’s interests or thinking quality time must be grand gestures. Instead, we highlight the importance of engaging with kids on their terms and through their passions, opening channels for authentic communication. 

We then introduce actionable strategies for fathers to strengthen their relationships, including making one-on-one time a priority and being emotionally open. By modeling authenticity and learning each child's love language, dads can create a nurturing environment that fosters trust and belonging. 

Listen in as we also touch on the significance of creating family traditions that can establish lasting memories and strengthen bonds across generations. By engaging in the little moments of daily life and prioritizing real connection, we can nurture our children's emotional health and build relationships that last a lifetime. 

Don’t miss out on these valuable insights and the challenge to implement one change in your approach this week. Let’s commit to being proactive in our fatherhood journey. Subscribe, share your thoughts, and please leave us a review!

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to 15 Minutes with Dad
• 1:55 The Need for Emotional Presence
• 6:16 Common Mistakes Fathers Make
• 11:21 Powerful Strategies for Strengthening Bonds
• 21:06 Importance of Traditions in Building Connection
• 26:41 Challenge & Closing Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:53

Welcome back to another episode of 15 minutes with dad, the podcast, where we have real conversations about fatherhood, personal growth and the journey to becoming the best version of yourself. I'm your host, lyric Williams, and today's episode is all about something every father wants but sometimes struggles to cultivate, and that's deep connection and how we're building meaningful relationships with our children, our spouse and our co-parent. We all know that being physically present isn't enough. Our kids need emotional presence, connection and engagement. But between work, responsibilities and everyday stresses of life, how do we create strong relationships and lasting relationships with our children? In this episode, we're going to explore why connection is the foundation of a strong father-child relationship, the biggest mistakes dads make when trying to bond with their kids and five powerful strategies to strengthen your connection and build a relationship that lasts. If you want to create deeper, more meaningful moments with your kids, this episode is for you. Let's get started.

Speaker 1: 2:02

We often think that providing our children, making sure they have food, shelter and opportunities, is what makes us great fathers. And, don't get me wrong, that's essential. But there's something even more crucial the emotional bond we build with them. Why? Because kids don't just remember what we do for them, they remember how we made them feel. Studies show that children who are strong emotional connections with their father have higher self-esteem, are less likely to engage in risky behaviors and perform better academically and feel safe and more secure in relationships later in their life. When a father is emotionally present, a child doesn't just grow up, they thrive. But let's be real, many of us weren't raised with fathers who openly expressed love, emotions or deep connection. So if this is new territory for you, you are not alone. The good news is it's never too late to start.

Speaker 1: 3:06

Now let's talk about some of the biggest mistakes we, as fathers, make when trying to connect with our kids and how to avoid them. The biggest mistakes fathers make when trying to connect. All right. So let's be honest. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we feel distant from our kids. Maybe they don't open up to us, or maybe we feel like we're trying, but the connection isn't as deep as we'd like. Here are three major mistakes that can unintentionally create emotional distance. Three major mistakes that can unintentionally create emotional distance. The first trying to connect on our terms and not theirs. We think that bonding means doing what we like sports, fixing cars or talking about life in ways that make sense to us. But connection happens when we step into their world, whether it's video games, music, art or whatever they're passionate about. Whether it's video games, music, art or whatever they're passionate about, let's fix it.

Speaker 1: 3:58

Ask your child what's something you love that I can do with you and commit to doing it with genuine interest For me and my daughter. We do quite a bit of things together. We like going to the grocery store and just walking around, usually to get ice cream, but sometimes nothing. We like to go to our favorite like corner store, our little not corner store, but our favorite like market, and go buy this big, large cookie that they make. That's like a thing we do every time we go do groceries or something you know basketball we're very passionate about basketball through and through. No matter what age group is playing basketball, we give the exact same excitement and energy to the people that are playing the game. So basketball is really big Competitiveness, like music, dance, art, like. We share all those things together and I was talking to her today about how I'm so blessed to have spent a huge part of my life so far growing in front of her and she's gotten to experience a part of me that most people will never, ever get to know.

Speaker 1: 5:06

And so we're going to move on to the next part, which is thinking quality time has to be big or special. And I'm going to start. I'm going to preface this with a story, because this statement changed my life and I put. I talked about it in other episodes as well, but there was a person that I was friends with back in college and it was in a dark time I think it was at the biggest peak of my depression. But this person was a really close friend of mine and she would tell me she, like I, would complain about how much I'm, you know, I miss my daughter, or like or I'm talking about our relationship, or like what, the relationship I want to build with her. And this friend has a close, had a close relationship with her dad, and I got to meet her dad one time and I understood.

Speaker 1: 5:56

I had a close relationship with her dad and I got to meet her dad one time and I understood wholeheartedly what that connection means. Like he was like in his 50s or maybe early 60s at the time, but I was able to see what she was talking about in words and she would tell me this thing she was like kids don't care. Your daughter doesn't care about the big things Because I used to, like, every time I came into town I lived about 600 miles away from her, so every time I would come into town I felt like I owed her an experience. So whether it was taking her to the circus, taking her to the aquarium, taking her to like just kind of create all these big moments that she can remember me by before I go back off to school, and my friend was like that doesn't matter, like your kid don't care about those big things they care about, they care about just going to the store with you. And I just told you right in the first part here about, like, how our relationship is built. But literally that statement and that story then meeting her father and seeing her relationship with her father really made a big impact on me and how I build my relationship with my daughter and I can't tell or thank her enough about giving me that piece of knowledge because it changed my life. So many dads think that that deep connection comes from those big moments. But real connection is built in the small everyday moments and it is tried and true and I stand by it 1,000%.

Speaker 1: 7:20

You got to be intentional about the little things Eating together, bedtime chats or just sitting with them without distractions. I do this with my boys. Right now I still do this with my daughter and she's 16. We eat together, we talk about stuff, we do car rides and just talking. She just talks and I just listen.

Speaker 1: 7:39

You know, when she was little, I would go and take her to go eat. We had our favorite spot that we went to in Houston Texas that we used to go to Loved. It was called Dots and I think it's still there, but it's on the southeast side off of 45. Shout out to Dots. They had some amazing rolls and that's what we went there for, because we love those rolls. Or we'll do buffet into the part of like the little moments is quality time. It's not the big I'm going to spend all my money and go broke on you thing. I've taken her to Disney World and I've taken her to go dancing somewhere at this church, like. But all of it are taken into, like these, these pre-professional dance shows, like all those moments is still embedded in her brain and makes a big impact on what makes our relationship so great.

Speaker 1: 8:25

So this next part is another mistake that dads do, and that's not being emotionally open. Many of us grew up in homes where dads were providers or not there at all but not emotionally available. A lot of families and a lot of cultures has this where the dad will come home and they'll just be sitting there. Picture this image in the 70s, 80s or 60s, even where mothers are at home, kid comes home from school, the mother's tending to the kids and the dad just came home from work, takes off his shoes, sits on the couch, kicks his feet up, pulls out his paper or listens to the radio or watch TV or watch his favorite show, while the kids are running around and jumping around and not actually being engaged with. I think that there's generations that have raised their kids and still preach that as the way to raise your kids, because they're going to be. That's going to teach them how to be strong, but it's not going to teach them how to be resilient, and we want our kids to be open to us, but if we don't model emotional honesty, they won't feel safe to do the same.

Speaker 1: 9:36

So what you can do is start with small emotional check-ins like how was your day, what was best part, anything tough happened? And and share your own answers too. Every single day, I have this conversation with my kids, from the 16 year old to the five year old, and when my one and a half year old gets some words, I'm gonna talk to him the same. But it is an on like. We talk about this every day. We check in every day. They ask me about my day and when my day's tough, I let them know how tough my day was. But we have this consistent exchange about how things are going on and how we work through them so that they learn how to be resilient even though things are hard. Now that we've covered what not to do, let's talk about five powerful ways to build stronger, more meaningful relationships with your kids.

Speaker 1: 10:28

These strategies work whether you have toddlers, teenagers or adult children. Make one on one time a priority. Why does it work? Kids, especially in blended families, need to feel like they matter as individuals, not just as part of the group. And how do we do it? So we schedule solo time with each child, even if it's just 15 minutes a week. I get about 15 minutes a day with each one of them. I have four, and it requires me to give each of them attention. I can't go a week with 15 minutes. But you can start with just 15 minutes in a week and let them choose the activity and just be present Like do it, don't talk, don't question it, instead of just family movie night. Take one child out for ice cream, go on a short walk or play their favorite game.

Speaker 1: 11:17

For my 16 year old, we go hooping together. Sometimes we go somewhere or maybe we'll go for ice cream for the 10 year old. I take him to go get some ice cream sometime. We do Brazilian jiu-jitsu together. He loves Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I do Brazilian jiu-jitsu now with him and I have to pay for it, but it's fun and I enjoy it. I'm gonna compete soon and he now wants to compete soon, compete soon. And for my five-year-old, we take drives every day because I pick him up from daycare and drop him off at daycare and we have a whole morning that we spend with each other and it's just me and him and my one-year-old as well. But on some occasions, on most occasions, my one-year-old gets a lot of attention, the toddler and the one-year-old. But like all of them and I'm a blended family, so like I have a blended family and that solo time is so, so important for them to feel like they're just not a part of a group.

Speaker 1: 12:11

The second is be present, not just physically there. Kids can tell when we're distracted, when we're there but not really there. How to do it Put your phone down, give full eye contact, acknowledge what they say with more than just uh-huh. Like, instead of just door openers. Ask them like, tell me more about that. Look at them and tell me more. Just like. Don't multitask during their moments. Listen to their stories and just engage with them and play with their imaginations. With my 10-year-old that's very important that we play with imagination, because he thinks so broadly now and his world is getting bigger by the day and when we're talking about it he's really looking to see how I feel and what I think about it. But also I'm just letting him, I'm playing and bringing my imagination up to his imaginative level.

Speaker 1: 13:10

The third way you can do this is by learning their love language. Not all kids receive love the same way, and this is how. A way that you can implement this is if they love words, give verbal encouragement. I'm so proud of you, you're so awesome. I think that you are so intelligent, so growth minded. I love how you do this thing or how you do that. If they love gifts, small tokens of appreciation means a lot, so like whether that be like, oh man, you did a great job.

Speaker 1: 13:41

Like I took my boys out just for ice cream just because when I was, when I had to deal with them on my own, I was at a formal event and they had to be sitting down and quiet and to listen to Mariah, my 16 year old, play you know, her sax in a competition. They behaved very well and so I took them out for ice cream just on that note, and that was so much fun for them. They loved it, they were so excited. But I probably shouldn't have now that I think about it, because when we got home they were a lot more hyper and they were bundling up energy before then but I gave them sugar, but hopefully after the fact, after I got the ice cream and they got home and they were hyper, then they crashed a lot easier. So that was a trick.

Speaker 1: 14:23

But if they love time together, focus on shared activities, and my 10-year-old Abraham is a shining piece of this. He loves to do shared activities, so that quality time and whether he's just sitting there talking about his favorite game or videos he's learning or talking to you about space. He just likes this quality time and it makes him feel so much a part of the family. And so we're, like I said before, we're doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and it is so much fun. We get to talk about what we've learned. He gets to watch how I express discipline and he's mimicking that as well. And he's challenging himself. He's opened up his door to challenging himself to go against failure and how do he get up from that? And that whole nuance of competitiveness is something that he's learning.

Speaker 1: 15:14

And if your child responds to touch, give more hugs and high fives. If they act like acts of service, make them their favorite breakfast. Just because For my four-year-old turning five-year-old, he loves hugs, hugs and high fives. He gets so excited about it. He loves hugs and so does my one and a half year. They love hugs and even when he's you know he has when my five-year-old has big feelings, hugs come very handy at that time.

Speaker 1: 15:48

Number four apologize and be vulnerable. Kids respect authenticity. If they see you own up to mistakes, they'll feel safe to do the same, and I'm teaching this to my five-year-old. Say, I messed up earlier, I should have handled that differently. I do this with my 10-year-olds, I do this with my kids in general, but I have to put an emphasis on my five-year-old. He's learning authenticity and I would say share personal challenges.

Speaker 1: 16:16

Make sure they're age appropriate to show them it's okay to struggle and grow, instead of getting defensive when you're wrong, say you're right. You're right, I should have listened better. Or let's work on that together, like taking that moment doesn't belittle you. It makes you not apparent, it makes you more human to them and they are emulating you. But if you seem like a God to them or this perfect figure that they have to live up to, they will never be able to live up to that. But they're going to emulate you and it's important that you emulate great qualities.

Speaker 1: 16:52

So, like the fifth thing, I would say and this is something that has made a big difference in my family because I just started enacting this late last year but create special traditions. It could be stupid to anybody else, right, but it makes sense to your family. They love that stuff, kids love that stuff. Like those rituals, create lifelong memories and deepening emotional bonds. Start with the weekly tradition, like pizza Fridays or weekend heists or storytelling nights. You can create inside jokes or secret handshakes that are just between you and your kids. I have a lot of this with Mariah. I'm building it with my 10-year-old as well, and the same thing with my five-year-old. Those inside jokes, secret handshakes, those things are like golden for kids to make them feel special. Maybe it's a goofy dance before school, maybe it's a handwritten note left in their lunchbox. The little things become the big things. Like during Christmas time, I really honed in on this, and my daughter found it so amazing that she would receive notes from an elf and she's 16. She knows it's not really from an elf, but the imagination behind it made her feel so good about herself. Her emotional changes were significant during that time.

Speaker 1: 18:10

Fatherhood isn't just about showing up. It's about showing up fully, consistently and with intention. Today we talked about why deep connections matter, the biggest mistakes to avoid and five powerful strategies to build meaningful relationships with your kids. See, here's your challenge. Pick one of these five strategies and apply it this week. Whether it's one-on-one time, being more present or starting a new tradition, take action and watch how your connection with your child grows. If you're enjoying this series, visit 15minuteswithdadcom for more insights, tools and ways to apply these principles. Next week we'll be talking about navigating, co-parenting, building bridges with your ex for the sake of your kids. Until next time, be present, be intentional and build that bond that lasts a lifetime.