5 Ways to Embrace Authenticity – Live True to Yourself and Your Family (U2.0 Series)

Could societal expectations be the barrier between you and genuine relationships? Join me, Lirec Williams, as we unravel the complex journey of embracing authenticity in fatherhood and beyond. By sharing my own struggles with failed relationships and the pressures to project strength over vulnerability, we explore the importance of living true to oneself. Discover how breaking free from ego-driven behaviors can transform your interactions and allow for more honest and fulfilling connections with your children and partners. This episode promises insights into the power of emotional availability and open communication, demonstrating how authenticity is the key to stronger and more meaningful relationships.

Our conversation doesn't stop at personal introspection—we delve into the challenges of co-parenting with authenticity. Learn how to create a nurturing environment where everyone in the family feels seen, valued, and heard, and understand the vital role of accepting your co-parent as a permanent part of your family's landscape. I'll guide you through practical steps like self-reflection and setting boundaries to support personal growth and model strength for your children. As a takeaway, challenge yourself to implement one of five strategies to become a more present and authentic father. Share your journey using #15minuteswithdad, and prepare for the next chapter as we continue exploring the transformative path of fatherhood.

Chapters

• 0:00 Embracing Authenticity in Fatherhood
• 15:31 Building Authentic Co-Parenting Relationships
• 21:37 Fostering Authentic Father-Child Relationships

Transcript

Lirec: 0:52

Welcome back to another episode of 15 Minutes with Dad. The podcast is all about real conversations, real strategies and real growth for fathers navigating life, family and everything in between. I'm your host, Lirec Williams, and today's episode is one that every father needs to hear. We're gonna be talking about embracing authenticity and living true to yourself and your family. This isn't just about being yourself. It's about breaking free from the expectations, pressures and past conditions that keeps us from showing up as the fathers, partners and men we're meant to be. It's about being real with your kids, with your ex, with your wife, your spouse, with your family and, most importantly, with yourself. And if you've ever felt like you're playing a role rather than living your truth, or if you struggle to balance being strong, dependable dad while also staying true to your own needs and identity, this episode is for you. We're going deep today. Let's talk about why authenticity matters, why is it so hard for many men to embrace, and how choosing to live authentically can create stronger relationships, better co-parenting, better marriages and a more fulfilling life. So why do so many fathers struggle with authenticity? So most of us were not raised in a culture that encourages men to be authentic. We were taught to be strong, not vulnerable. We were taught to provide, not express emotions. We were taught to be what others expect, not who we truly are. We show up as a version of ourselves that we think people want the provider, the protector, the guy who has it all together, even when inside we're struggling, we're exhausted or we feel like we're losing a piece of ourselves. We fear that if we take off the mask, if we show our real selves, we'll be judged or, worse, we'll be seen as weak. Here's what I want to challenge you on today. Your greatest strength is in your authenticity. Your kids don't need a perfect dad. They need a perfect dad. They need a real dad. They need to see what it looks like to be human, to make mistakes, to learn and to grow. Your significant other or your co-parent doesn't need a man who is constantly trying to win or prove his worth. They need consistency, honesty and someone who can communicate openly and without ego. So let's break it down. What does authenticity actually looks like in an everyday fatherhood, and how can you start embracing it today?

Lirec: 3:52

Before I go into this part, I'll tell you a little bit about where I had struggles with this, and I had to learn this the hard way and through failed relationships, I had to learn this, the hard way to prove my worth, and I bring this relationship up because it was probably the most eye-opening relationship I've been in. But I was in a relationship for two years and I felt that my worth was based on the time that I gave my ex-girlfriend her kids and to her and like showing up where she needed me. You know, if she wasn't able to do something, I'm there. You know I'm making things happen in different ways and during that relationship I ended up quitting my job and that's probably the worst thing I ever did, but I did it. And now I had nothing that actually made me feel worth, except for what I did in my relationship. And then there was a time where I wasn't needed that way anymore. I was needed in other ways, but I didn't know what those ways were because I didn't like latch on to those ways. But I didn't know what those ways were because I didn't like latch on to those ways. So it was like this new space that I think my ex was looking for me to be like, and a space that the kids were needing me to be like, and I was still like the initial version of myself. But initially.

Lirec: 5:29

Eventually that relationship kind of dwindled and went bad and went south and we ended it. But after that I was really left with like, who am I? What am I doing if I'm not in a relationship, dedicating my time to kids and growing kids and trying to be a good boyfriend the best that I possibly can? And it turns out I was a terrible boyfriend. I was a terrible boyfriend. I was a half decent stepdad, but I was mostly a terrible boyfriend and I didn't approach my relationship as if I knew my worth. I was approaching it as this as long as they love me, as long as they show me love or tell me that they love me, then I feel worthy. But over time that didn't even matter anymore.

Lirec: 6:18

Fast forward, I'm in a new relationship, the relationship I am in now and this has been a challenging relationship because my ego has been the thing that I've had to work through most. It's not about whether or not I'm right or wrong, but how do I communicate boundaries? How do I communicate when they communicate? When my girlfriend communicates feelings or emotions, how do I approach that? Do I shut down? Do I get distant If she gets upset with me. Do I kind of, like you know, stonewall her or do I lean more into how to love her better? And that's been the challenge in regards to ego and learning how to be my authentic self. The challenge went in regards to ego and learning how to be my authentic self, and so I just want to lay that foundation as I jump into this next part. Now, when we talk about authenticity, we're talking about living in alignment with who you truly are, not who you think you should be, not who you think you should be. Being an authentic father means admitting when you don't have all the answers, allowing your kids to see you as a full person, not just dad.

Lirec: 7:27

The rule enforcer that's who I was in my past relationship. I was the rule enforcer. Mom made a rule, I enforced it and and another part of this is being emotionally available and expressing love openly I've had to diligently put time into making sure that I dedicate time to doing this with my kids, and at the beginning of my current relationship with my girlfriend, I had a hard time being emotionally available. She was like, hey, I need you to be emotionally available. I thought that I was doing it, but in reality I was people pleasing, but when it really, when it became a real thing, after going through therapy and stuff and trying to figure out, like, what does that really mean? I am, my entire family, has an emotional connection that is, I feel, is unmatched and I love it.

Lirec: 8:23

And the last one is setting healthy boundaries and honoring your own needs. And I just mentioned this before, where I felt like I was people pleasing and I wasn't setting healthy boundaries, I was just kind of letting it go with the flow, and if she's okay, she's okay, and if she's not, I need to figure out how to make it better. And that's how I was raised. I was raised by single women and so I had this thing that I had to please a woman at all times in order for the woman to be happy with me. I have to do what she says if I want her to be happy with. And I know a lot of fathers, a lot of husbands out there hear this terms happy wife, happy life.

Lirec: 8:57

But there is also a version of your needs that need to be met and sometimes men fall into situations that they wouldn't otherwise go into if their needs were met. But another step into that is that when you don't know how to communicate your needs. You tend to make decisions thinking that you have clearly stated your needs to this person and you're making decisions to fill those needs in other places drugs, alcohol, women, et cetera, et cetera, porn, whatever you may, whatever have you but setting healthy boundaries, or learning to set healthy boundaries, gives you a foundation into making sure that you are able to get your needs met, and this is something that me and my current girlfriend we've been working on. Like first three years of our relationship was us learning about each other, or the first two and a half years about learning each other. This last year and a half is specifically about each of us learning ourselves, and a big thing that I learned is that I was not setting boundaries and I wasn't holding setting boundaries and I wasn't holding those boundaries and I wasn't even telling her what I needed, so she never really knew how to love me. So here's an example.

Lirec: 10:15

I used to think that being a strong father means being unshakable, never showing stress, never admitting mistakes, never letting my kids see me struggle, but what that created was distance. My kids saw me as a figure and not a person, and if you look back in your parental experience, you look at your dad like man, he worked hard, or he did this, like he never stopped, or he, you know like. You have these images of your parents he never stopped. You have these images of your parents, but you've seen them as figures and not as people. The first time I sat down with my daughter and my plus son and told him hey, I'm sorry, I made a mistake earlier. I got frustrated. That's on me. I probably shouldn't have said what I said. I'm working on handling things better. Something changed between my relationship with my kids Not immediately, but keeping that as a consistent tactic is to admit when I'm wrong. They begin to see me instead of seeing me as some untouchable authority figure. They saw me as a human, someone who's learning, just like them, and that created trust, that created connection and created a relationship that was built on honesty, not perfection.

Lirec: 11:37

Authenticity doesn't mean being weak. It means being real enough to know or to show your kids that growth never stops, no matter how old you are. Now let's take this conversation and flip it on his head real quick. I know that there are men that struggle with authenticity in their relationships with their spouse or their girlfriend, and if you're in a committed relationship, you might find yourself trying to live up to an expectation rather than just being yourself. You want to be seen as strong, so you hide your struggles, because that's what girls want, that's what women want. You want to be seen as the great provider, because you feel like that's what women need, so you overwork yourself. You want to keep the peace, so you hold back your real thoughts because you don't want to upset her. And then you know, things go off the edges. But here's the reality the strongest relationships are built on transparency, not performance.

Lirec: 12:34

When you are authentic in your relationships, it means that you're communicating openly, saying what you really feel, not what you think they want to hear, which is what I used to do, and every relationship has failed because I just tend to like. You know, it became like I was lying when I was actually just saying what I thought they wanted to hear, but, in other words, being emotionally available. I have heard this throughout portions of my life and it didn't click until this age, until my mid-30s. But allowing your partner to see the real you, even when you're struggling, it's not being weak, you're being human and, for those that lack vision, lack decision-making skills, indecisive, you have to learn to set clear expectations and not agreeing to things just to avoid conflict. Believe it or not, if you are a yes man, a woman will get bored of you quick, like real quick, because there's no conflict. Sometimes women like conflict. That's a weird thing, I don't know how to explain it. I'm not a, because there's no conflict. Sometimes women like conflict. That's a weird thing, I don't know how to explain it.

Lirec: 13:45

I'm not a, you know, I'm not that kind of scientist, so but I'll tell you a little bit about how there was a time in my relationship when I would hold back on expressing my stresses, like because I thought, you know, my job was to be the rock and I couldn't show emotions. I had to, you know, bottle it up and let everybody else cry, be the shoulder for everybody else, and I'll just bottle it up. But in doing that I was creating like a relationship that was one-sided, like when a therapist asked my girlfriend, what do you think he needs? And all she had was like, oh, I think he needs respect. And when he asked her that, I was like no, that's actually not what I need. And then I realized I didn't tell her, and I don't think I've ever told her what it was that I needed. Like she had no idea what I needed, like how to show me love for real. Because I never told her, I just accepted whatever she was willing to give. Because that's why I was like, hey, that's good enough for me. You like me, you love me. Is that what your love is? I'll take it, and I didn't mold it and I didn't kind of shape the environment that we were creating as a relationship. So if you're struggling in your relationships, ask yourself am I being my real self or am I playing a role?

Lirec: 15:32

Authenticity isn't about dumping your problems. It's about building a relationship where both people feel seen, valued and heard. And this big word that I learned is called validation. It will change your life. It is like a sneak attack of agreeing to disagree. You make her feel like you agree with her by just simply acknowledging that she has feelings, and, believe it or not, when she does that to you it feels good too. So learning how to validate each other's feelings before you come back and say I don't know why you feel that way, that's crazy that you feel that way or even judging what they feel, even mentioning what they feel without first mentioning hey yo, I understand why you feel that way. That makes sense. I get that. However, it gives leeway to conversation, breaks down the ego and you make both people feel seen, valued and heard. I know I talked about the relationship with your kids, but it also impacts your co-parenting relationship.

Lirec: 16:44

Right Now, this is a challenge for a lot of dads authenticity and co-parenting. If you're divorced or separated, chances are you've had moments where it felt like you had to put on a performance, whether it's proving you're a better parent, hiding your frustrations or keeping up with appearance for the sake of winning the situation. Now you don't have to tell me the truth, but don't lie to yourself. But here's what I've learned Authentic co-parenting is the only kind that truly works in the long run. And what does that mean? It means communicating honestly and respectfully, not just saying what you think your ex wants to hear. That means being consistent, not switching personalities depending on the situation and admitting when you don't have all the answers, but being willing to work together for your kids. Now, that's easier said than done, easier said than done, but I can tell you that if you learn to accept, first accept the fact that this is your co-parent and this is the person that's going to be in your family's life forever. Whether you start a new family or not, they're going to be in your life forever. So why make it uncomfortable for both of you? It's going to be forever, until your dying days. You have a child together. Now you get to carve out what those boundaries are like for me and my daughter's mother.

Lirec: 18:20

I, we don't like, we don't talk often, but she's a, she's a friend, but we don't talk often and we don't have to talk because my daughter's old enough she can call her, she talks to her, but if I talk smack to her, I can make jokes at her and you know, and make fun of her. She's basically a part of the family. I check on, I make sure her kids are okay. You know I care about her kids, I care about her family, I care about her well-being, but I don't have to have conversations with her all the time. I don't talk to her, I don't call her. You know it's usually like okay, she's on the phone with my daughter or something and she's on speakerphone and I just talk smack. But you know it's never a thing where I'm like, hey, how you doing. You know she may say Merry Christmas to your family and tell me to tell my girlfriend hi, or she may chat with her through the phone, but when it comes to my child, we get on the phone and I've had an hour long conversation with her when it comes to something that my daughter was struggling with and like, hey, I need to bounce this information off you and see how we can do what we can do to help her. So, like that, it becomes a thing over time. But it needs to be consistent and if your co-parent sees you as a real, steady and emotionally mature, it builds trust, and trust makes co-parenting easier, not just for you but for your kids, who are watching and learning from every interaction that you have. So how do we take this from just an idea to something real?

Lirec: 19:54

Here are five practical ways to start living authentically as a father, as a dad, as a man, as a husband. The first is get clear on who you are Self-reflection Just take 10 minutes and write down what do I truly believe in? What kind of dad do I want to be? What values do I want to pass on to my kids? Authenticity starts with knowing yourself.

Lirec: 20:29

Number two own your mistakes and model growth. When you mess up. Admit it, especially to your kids. Teach them that real strength is in acknowledging mistakes and learning from them. Number three drop the ego and embrace vulnerability. Share your thoughts and your feelings with your kids and co-parent or your wife. Don't be afraid to say I don't know, you know or I'm working on this. You know. Strength is in honesty, not in pretending to be perfect.

Lirec: 21:07

Number four we can set boundaries that honors who you are. Say no, master the art of no. Say no to things that don't align with your values and do not break for anyone. Protect your time, your energy and your well-being. Teach your kids that boundaries are a sign of self-respect. Teach your kids that boundaries are a sign of self-respect. And last, commit to presence over perfection.

Lirec: 21:38

Your kids don't need a flawless dad. Like I said before, they need a present dad. Focus on showing up, listening and engaging. Not being the best dad, but being their dad. Now, fatherhood isn't about proving yourself. It's about being yourself. Authenticity creates deeper relationships, stronger connections and a life that feels fulfilling instead of exhausting. So here's your challenge Choose one of these five strategies just one and apply it this week, whether it's being more open with your kids, setting a boundary or simply reflecting on who you really are.

Lirec: 22:18

Start there and make sure you share your greatest moments with us by using the hashtag 15minuteswithdad and tagging us at 15minuteswithdad. Or you can tag me at Lyric Williams in that post with that, or you can tag at @toldbyLirec at in that post. And I love to see those things and it makes me feel good about the impact that we're making on those in the community. And if you're enjoying this series, make sure to go check out the other episodes in the YouTube.0 series. So next week we're going to be diving into how to create authentic relationships, strengthening your relationships with your children. Until next time, be real, be present and be the dad and partner your family truly needs.