Chat with My Daughter: 5 Ways to Support Your Teen's Journey Away from Drugs

Do you ever wonder how widespread drug use is in your child's school? Mariah joins us to shine a light on the startling reality that nearly half of her classmates engage in some form of drug use or vaping, challenging us as parents to address this head-on. We share firsthand insights into why teenagers might be drawn to these activities—often through the lens of curiosity or the longing to fit in—despite the steep emotional and physical costs. By opening this conversation, we aim to provide a dad's perspective on addressing these hard truths with honesty and care.

The episode continues with an exploration of the tough emotions that both parents and teens experience when drug use comes to light. I recount my own shock and fear upon discovering my daughter's involvement, navigating the turbulent waters of disbelief, anger, and the urge to take drastic measures. But amidst the chaos, there lies the importance of communication. Listening to Mariah, we underscore the significance of open dialogue, emphasizing how understanding our teens' motivations can bridge the gap between us and foster a supportive environment.

Finally, we focus on actionable strategies to support our children through these challenging times. We talk about the power of helping teenagers find their personal "why," and the role of counselors and therapists in offering an outside perspective. With practical advice and heartfelt stories, this episode aims to empower parents to support their teenagers in making healthier choices, offering love and guidance without compromising their growth and independence. Join us as we navigate this complex subject with empathy and encouragement, ensuring our teens always feel supported and understood.

Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating the Conversation About Drugs
• 4:35 Negative Impact of Drug Use
• 8:30 Parental Perspective on Teen Drug Use
• 11:54 Navigating Teen Drug Use Solutions
• 17:40 Parental Approach to Teen Drug Use
• 27:34 Understanding Teen Feelings About Drugs
• 32:06 Supporting Teenage Drug Use Navigation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:47

Hey, what's going on?

Speaker 1: 0:48

everybody, this your boy Lyric and it's your girl, mariah and this is 15 minutes with dad, and today we are talking about some very deep topic that I know that all of you fathers are having some form of an issue with and I have had a form of an issue with as well and we are at a stage where I think this conversation is very important. But, but we're going to talk about the D word, not that D word. We're going to talk about drugs. Guys, it didn't go well. We're going to talk about drugs and the version of conversations, or conversations that we've had, and how we navigated it and how we continue to navigate it.

Speaker 1: 1:34

It is, um, it is a real fact that kids have, uh, it easier to get or find it either more accessible and more entertaining and more um, you know, like I don't even know the word, what is it? What would you say? What would you call it? Like more acceptable to do drugs, like it's a normal, like, and I think drugs has been around since before my time, like you know. But I think that kids are more seeking it, no matter where they are in their life, like as a thing, that this is the state of mind. That should be, and I'm no kid, so I can't give you a kid perspective, but I am a dad and I'll give you a dad perspective, and that's why Mariah has taken it upon herself to grace us with her presence on this episode, to talk about drugs.

Speaker 2: 2:39

Hi drugs. I mean hey, mariah.

Speaker 1: 2:43

Stop, that's actually funny. Hello, so we're going to talk about drugs today and I don't know exactly know where to start in this conversation, but I do. Let's start from um the foundation. Can I ask you a couple questions regarding like in your experience in high school, like if you was to give me a ratio, one out of every. Well, you know how many out of every five people do you know that are doing some kind of drugs, or in taking some kind of drugs, or even vaping?

Speaker 2: 3:23

I feel like like at my school, I feel about like, um, like two or three out of five people, because I feel like every time you go into the bathroom, there's someone in there vaping and stuff in the bathroom, and like I feel like it's like kind of obvious, though, like when somebody is, and I feel like, like most of the people in my school do, and it's like no, like it's not even a secret when people do it, like it's like everybody knows, like, say, like, if you want to get something from this person, I mean get something like like you know, like, just go to that person, they'll have something. You know like, you like like it's not really a secret on who doesn't, who like doesn't, or something like that. But I feel like two or three out of five people, like at my school, do it wow I know it's a lot yeah, I'm pretty sure two out of three or five people.

Speaker 1: 4:18

My school did it too, I just didn't know it yeah, maybe they did. I mean, I have friends that did it. Let me stop lying. I have friends that were potheads. I ain't gonna sit here and lie to you, but um, and and and out of this accessibility of of drugs you have. You have had some form of a run-in with it yourself, correct? Yes and how, how or why, or I don't want to say why do you feel like you did it, but like what were some motivators to do it?

Speaker 2: 4:54

um, I think it was like I seen a lot of people doing it, you know. And then I was like I, you know, I'm the type of person who's curious about everything and want to try everything. So like I feel like that's kind of what it started from, was like, oh, I just want to try it. And after that it was kind of like like most of my friends did it. So like I was like, well, like it's okay if I were to do it, and like I didn't want to like be like that person who, like I didn't want to be that what is it like the goody two-shoes type of person, and I feel like, yeah, you don't want to be singled out as like oh you're, you're too good to do this.

Speaker 1: 5:30

Yeah, you're too good to do this.

Speaker 2: 5:33

That's how they sound that is how they sound. I figured it. I figured, I knew it.

Speaker 1: 5:36

Exactly how they sound I see that's, see, that's that intuition. We know how people sound, uh, um, no and that's, and, and those are valid points. I think that a lot of kids uh engage for those reasons. Those are very some people do it. They have other reasons on top of those reasons, but those are typically like your basis for your introduction to doing it. How much do you think it affected your life when you were doing it?

Speaker 2: 6:07

I think it really affected my life. I was tired all the time, I had no motivation for anything, I was about to quit basketball, Like I feel, like I just didn't want to do anything. And it made my mental health go like drastically change. Like I was good right before and then, whenever I started doing it, like my mental health was like horrible, you know.

Speaker 2: 6:36

Mental health was like horrible, you know, and like it was just like I feel like it also like like I just I don't even know how to explain it, but but yeah, like it was just like it, it really changed everything like my, it changed my thinking, it changed like how I was talking, it changed like it literally changed everything. I feel like it like kind of affected like my face, my, like my physical appearance as well yeah and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 6:58

Like it was, it was yeah yeah, did you feel like it it like, did you feel like it altered your how you feel about yourself?

Speaker 2: 7:16

yeah, definitely self-esteem, like how you see yourself yeah whereas you were doing it to feel cool and to feel accepted and to feel a part of something, and still that feeling didn't yeah, it never really came like the feeling of cool like I'm like, I feel like, if anything, it just like it just made me like, like like I was, I was doing it to feel cool, but in reality, like I knew, like it wasn't cool, like like you know, like that's not cool to do that stuff.

Speaker 2: 7:47

Like it's like it's like stupid, especially at this age, like like now that I'm out of it, like I understand that, but like I feel like in the moment when I was doing it, like it kind of like not changed my decision making, but I feel like it like kind of affected it and so like being like like, even though I knew that it wasn't a good thing to do, or it wasn't smart or it wasn't cool or anything like that in my head, I still somehow like convinced myself like it was fine and that I was cool or stuff. You know right, yeah you couldn't.

Speaker 1: 8:19

It was a check you couldn't cash yeah he's like thank you for writing this check, but I can't cash it.

Speaker 1: 8:25

No way and and so that I mean that's those are. Those are definitely valid points, and I wanted everyone to hear your perspective and your words of how you experienced that, and we're going to talk about what you did or things that you partaked in to kind of get off of it or ways to get out of it. But I also want to give um a perspective from um the dad's side on how we navigated it and how um it impacted me, and so I'll talk about my experience when I found out that, when that you were smoking and believe it or not, like I've been around druggies not calling okay, thanks I've been around people who do drugs all my life, all my life and, uh, that's so.

Speaker 1: 9:23

That was terrible, that was bad. I'm losing listeners for that anyways. Um, so I've been around people who do drugs quite literally all of my life and there was a moment where I was like are you high? Yeah, and she was like no. I was like, oh, you must be. And I asked her. I think it was a week straight that I was just like coming into her room and just asking her that Like, are you high, bro? Like this is weird to me. I was like are you high? She's like no, no, I'm not. Why would you think? And she was like why you think I'm doing drugs? You always thinking I'm doing them. You, you always thinking I'm doing something you know. So it was all and I was like all right, I'll back up, maybe I'm too hard, I'm back up, I back up. And um, that same week you found out.

Speaker 1: 10:13

And that same week I found out and I lost my mind. I thought of every like. I was like I need to send her to a rehab. I need to send her to a rehab. I need to like I need to send it to her mom, I need to disown this child. I was trying to figure out every single solitary solution that I could. I went, everything went to my head. There was nothing off the table at that point. So I was like why is my child here doing drugs? I don't do drugs. The only drugs I have in my house is is tylenol and I barely have that because we have periods and headaches all the time. So we don't. I run out pretty, quite often. So like I'm always at the, I'm always at walgreen, um or cvs. Need a sponsor.

Speaker 1: 10:58

No, uh, at this point but, but I thought of like everything under the sun to make this pain go away, to make this issue go away, and I had no solution and I was like at my wit's end, stress the hell out. Um, to the point, I had to go to therapy like I was like yo, I need, I need some sessions, like asap, so I can figure this out. And I had to kind of bring clarity to myself. Um, I had to like find clarity within myself so I can even guide the solution. I don't even think I like we had talks on, talks on, talks on talks about drugs. I don't even think I don't. I would say, I don't think you need to talk to your child as much as I talked to Mariah, but I was getting stuff off of my head. I was getting thoughts off of my head every other, every few, every like hour or so I had something else to say. So I was like, hey, come down here, I need to talk to you, and so we'll talk about it. You know, while I was looking for therapists and stuff like that, for her as well, it was the most nerve wracking experience to know that your child has decided to put something in to their body that you know, like I'm telling you Dismariah, but it may. It rattled me in my soul to know that you were at a place in your mind where you felt like you could you would like to excuse me put something inside of you that would harm you during your development and when you're an adult. You can choose. I'm not anti-drugs. I've told you can choose. I'm not anti-drugs. I've told you this. I'm not anti-weed, I am anti other drugs, but I am not anti-weed. But for the most part, when it came to you my child doing drugs at this age, it was a no-no for me. And and so what?

Speaker 1: 12:42

After all all, after my panic attack and me talking to her, I was like, well, let me start a conversation with her about how drugs impact her, who she is, whereas you think you're chasing a feeling, and that feeling seems seemingly goes away, but it actually is bottled, or like it's actually just blocked off while it piles up in the back, the background, and I won't get into you guys getting on to the details of that, but like I'm a part of the I'm a, I'm part of the dare, the dare era, the say no to drugs era, that that raised me and and I think I'm one of the million folks that that received this, these programs that it worked on. But you know, I mean, and I talked to her, I level set it with you at that time and I told you about my experience and like when I did drugs or like when I started now, like times I was hanging out with my, my, my friends, who were potheads, like most of my friends, all of my friends were potheads and some of them still are Um, but I talked to, I talked to you about how their lives are impacted by it and how my life was impacted by it, my experience. And I just told her. I told her this one thing I was like you just have to find your why. And it could be the dumbest why ever, why not to do it or why to do it, but you have to have a why. And I told her when I was in school, when I had homies, like I'm sitting in the circle, whatever, you know, puff, puff, give it, passing it to the left, pass the dutchie to the right.

Speaker 1: 14:29

I don't know if it was to the left-hand side or the right-hand side from that song, but anyways, you know, passing it through the circle and it would come to me and I was like, nah, bro, I'm good. But I would always have to give some kind of reason because they'd be like no good man, I got something to do tomorrow, or I have this and this and this, and for a huge part of the time it's like no man, I got a daughter on the way or something. It was always something. But I kept a reasoning on why I didn't do it. Oh, I got to take a drug test soon, so I'm not going to do it. But I had a why and I told Mariah about that, why I told you about that why?

Speaker 2: 15:10

What is your why? Well, I don't remember what my why was like at that time, but I feel like, like my the counselor actually asked me that I think like two sessions ago, but like she asked me what my why is, and I feel like now my why is like it affects other people. It affects people like, like other than me, you know like before, before I didn't think it affected other people.

Speaker 2: 15:32

You know, I'm like, well, it's just like me doing it, so like I don't know, I don't see how it would affect other people.

Speaker 2: 15:38

But I realized, like after, like all of that happened, I realized like it affected, like it affected you as well, you know yeah and it like so, like like thinking that I feel like that, like kind of like I because I didn't really like even though I know I didn't like really show it, but I hated seeing you in pain like that, you know, and I hated that I like caused you that much pain so like I feel like that is like my why now? Because it's affecting other people outside of myself and causing pain on other people that I love. That I obviously don't want that.

Speaker 1: 16:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah seems like you got a heart. Where is this teenager coming?

Speaker 1: 16:18

from I'm glad what's today. We're gonna mark this in the calendars as the day of the lord, the year of the lord, 2024, december 23rd. Um, no, I appreciate that. Um, I really do appreciate that.

Speaker 1: 16:34

And whatever your why is and it doesn't have to make sense to anybody, but as long as it makes sense to you and you hold on to that and I'll be your why, as long as you need me to be your why, you know, and um, but to the point where you mentioned you mentioned something about uh to having a counselor, right, and so, um, these, this, let's get into the phase of, like, what we did as a solution after we talked about those things and I mean, when I was, I was dramatic about, I was unapologetic about it like we, um, you know, we talked to she, you know, got her a counselor.

Speaker 1: 17:08

Um, worked on finding a therapist in the uh in the area, local area, a local therapist in the area to help support her outside the school, but the counselor inside the school also had a drug counselor inside the school and so mariah meets with the counselor when she needs to but also have a drug counselor that's helping her support and Mariah is going to those things and that's kind of the support that you have in school while going through the pressures of these different things. And I just want to be really clear Like kids, teenagers have a lot of stress. Can you agree with that?

Speaker 2: 17:48

Definitely yeah.

Speaker 1: 17:50

And they have a lot of pressure and a lot of stress, even though they don't pay bills. I said everything in the book but when I thought about all the things that I talked to you about, I realized half of that shit don't even matter. After talking to her for four days, five hours out of each day, I was like you probably won't take anything, like you probably will take 90% of whatever the hell I said to you in the last five days. But if anything that you can take out of what I said and I gave her a very synthesized couple sentences if anything you can take that I love you and I care about your wellbeing, I don't. I I do not accept that my child is doing drugs. At your age, when you're an adult, you choose what you want to do and that's fine. But as your brain is developing, it is unacceptable in my household that you smoke weed and we kind of like started from there.

Speaker 1: 18:59

But all in all, her goal to your goal, to your goal, let me tell I'm talking to you all I know, I'm usually talking to myself, so I'm looking at the microphone while I'm talking it is because you used to be, you know, never mind.

Speaker 1: 19:13

But, all in all, that journey is yours to take, right. At the end of the day, you're going to choose every day to do drugs or not, to do weed or not, to smoke or not like to vape or not. You choose that. All I can do is create an environment where you feel supported to not do that. And so I'm not going to dads.

Speaker 1: 19:38

You may you may have a teen in your life that's doing this stuff and you may not even know it. You may suspect it. If you suspect it, dive deeper just to make sure, because they need it. Kids it is a proven fact that kids that are doing drugs are more likely to be either hooked. Doing drugs are more likely to be either hooked to be less successful Not only call it less successful but less caring about the end game or the end goal or the future Due to their brain still in development during the time that they're doing drugs. It is not okay for teens to do drugs, and I I'm a firm believer. You know I'm not. Like I said, I'm not anti-weed. I don't smoke it, but I'm not anti-weed. But for my, for my kids, it's not a thing.

Speaker 1: 20:34

Um, I also had a friend talk to you as well yeah um, and she also kind of we grew up together a friend of mine, vanessa bonnie what's up? Shout out to bonnie. I have impressed it in so long it's been a long.

Speaker 1: 22:37

Yeah, you couldn't even remember which one of these buttons is it? Uh, but shout out to Vani because she saw how disrupted I was, how jacked up I was, and she was like this is not the Eric. I know, this is not the person, this is not the father that I've known you to ever be, and I was defeated. I ain't going to lie. I told you, mariah, I was defeated. I ain't gonna lie like I I told. I told you, mariah, I was like, I was like bro, look, congratulations you, you did it.

Speaker 1: 23:09

you broke me like oh my gosh, when you said that, that like I was so sad it's, it's a, it's a real deal like somebody's some dads, even like myself, we can take anything from the world, but, like from my baby girl, to like it's, it's. We're fragile, fragile like we can take anybody outside of this house taking a crack at us. We can fight any of them. We can't fight you, you can't fight our little girls. And I was like, bro, uh, you broke me. Bro, I can't do it.

Speaker 1: 23:43

I had to reset, I had to re-figure out my life. At that point and I think most of you, some of you dads, are like that, but we love our kids. And the thing that I did personally, and it was like I had to separate my feelings from your development, right, feelings from your development, right, like everything about you, I've everything I've poured into you over these years. I was attached to because I'm like, oh my God, I'm doing this and this is going to. You know, give her this and this is going to. I'm thinking of as, like this little Frankenstein. Now you're alive, you know, and you have your own mind and you're navigating that and I spent I've spent so much time building into you, trying to make you this strong, independent, smart, unfuckwithable you know young lady to grow up into.

Speaker 1: 24:36

At the same time, you are actually pouring into your development now, yeah, and so I have to take your pouring into your own development account and I'm not used to sharing you with anyone, you know, like I'm sharing you with your own mind, and so that's how I see it. So I have to kind of detach how I feel. I detach my feelings from your development which isn't a bad thing, I think it's a healthy thing. Feelings from your development, which isn't a bad thing, I think it's a healthy thing. Um, because some dads, we are overbearing all the way until you're an adult and like we'll be, you know, being selfish, and we're like I ain't fucking with you because now you act like this, your mama must taught you how to do this and, like you know, like a lot of us kind of do those things. But I'm detaching myself.

Speaker 1: 25:18

I've detached myself from how you feel so that I can focus on you better, I can develop you, brother, whether than, rather than reacting to you based on how I feel right that's what I wanted to do is react based on how I feel and I think I did that before and and the way I changed, I was like I gotta, she needs her dad, she don't need a friend, she needs her dad. And and I had to be dad, dad, like at it at the core, you know, yeah, whereas I was a hybrid, I was like dad, friend, fun guy.

Speaker 1: 25:45

No dead and uh, but no, um. How do you feel these days about that stuff, about drugs and or the approach that we took to support you?

Speaker 2: 26:02

Um, well, like now I feel like it's like obviously, like it's like stupid, you know. Like I feel like like it makes, like I feel like what? Like the things that you were talking to me about, like I feel like in that at that time it wasn't making sense to me or whatever, but like I feel like now that I'm like out of it and stuff like that, like I feel like it makes a lot more sense and I like really appreciate, like even you just like taking the time to talk to me and stuff like that, because, you know, usually people probably just like send their kids away to some place or whatever you know, but like you actually took the time to pour into me and you still showed that you loved me, but you were still like. You still showed that you loved me, but you were still like. You still showed that you like loved and cared about me, but you also were still like I don't know how to explain it Like making sure.

Speaker 1: 26:49

Making you accountable.

Speaker 2: 26:50

Yeah Like, but yeah Like, I feel like I really appreciate, like how you took that like, took that kind of initiative. Yeah, you said it right the first time yeah, like I really appreciate that, rather than you know, acting like I'm like acting on your other thoughts of like sending me like to my mom's or to rehab or like wherever you know, and yeah, like, yeah, it could have been.

Speaker 1: 27:22

It was probably been a terrible decision to like put you on to someone else as if you're their problem, whereas you're not my problem. This is just a situation. These are issues. These are situations. I have to look at it like every teen goes through this. I have to look at it like shit.

Speaker 1: 27:39

I, I went through this, but I didn't have the same structure in place that could catch things Like that. If I was doing, I may have been doing something completely wrong and it was valid to me, but nobody ever told me, and sometimes I had to make those decisions, those calls myself. Since I didn't have an adult in my life, I was like I got to be extra careful, because if I screw up, who's going to come get me? If I end up in jail, who's going to come get me? So, like I had to and like those are my experiences and it was irrelevant to you.

Speaker 1: 28:10

Like a lot of us we kind of think about oh, like I used to do this when I was a kid. It's irrelevant to our children. Like completely irrelevant when we're raising our teens and even though it's, it has some values in there, but like it's not how you and this is what I've learned. When I was you know, in that moment, how I redesigned. How I think is like it's not. It's not like we could say, oh, there ain't nothing new under the sun. Like everybody's going through the exact same thing over and over and over. Your kids are going through, like just because it's a rite of passage. However, it's not the events that's the same, but the feelings. The feelings are there.

Speaker 2: 28:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:50

And I had to retrograde the absence and understand that there was an absence of feeling and what I would have done in that time, and then put myself in a position like, okay, well, I am here, how do I react? Because my grandma would have kicked me out the house. My mom would have kicked me probably not kicked me out the house at the time, I ain't going to go into that but she probably wouldn't have kicked me out the house smoking weed. She probably would have been like, okay, you cool, but for the most part I would have been kicked out. I was always threatened to be kicked out and so, like I wanted to try something different and I'm I'm glad that we did.

Speaker 1: 29:23

I felt and like I've talked to a group of dads that feel like this, having a hard time with their teenagers, not like about the details, but I expressed to them that you know like I'm going, I've gone through the, I'm going through those things very freshly and I feel like I'm on the other side of a mountain of it, still navigating it with care, but at the same time, I think that it made our relationship better because I was able to see you for who you are and raise you for how you are and who you are in your mind, that you have, whatever reasons you had valid. I had to start from there instead of starting from how I think you think, how I think you feel, how I think you feel, and that was the. That was a trick, yeah, the trade. And so I I appreciate all the work you've put in and I really thank you for being vulnerable and having this conversation, because it is not easy to have this kind of conversation, because people listen to this podcast.

Speaker 1: 30:20

Hey, you know, we started this when you were what like five four, five, six, seven, eight multiple times multiple times, but we you know we have a lot of episodes when you were just five and six and here we are talking about drugs, right? So, like I appreciate you taking the time and to be vulnerable and being bold enough to have this conversation, I love that you were outspoken in this uh, in this episode, and really, uh, contributive thank you you used to not talk a lot in this episode. I don't know what happened now.

Speaker 2: 30:52

You know I know I was actually thinking about that too like I'm like actually like, I'm like finding words, because before I was like um, I don't know, words right, like I feel like now, like I actually talk a lot more, like I don't know, it's weird yeah, maybe, maybe you're a podcast host, maybe you want to come back and join us maybe a little more often.

Speaker 1: 31:15

Yes, possibly possibly talk a little more with that a little more 15 minutes um no, but anyways thank you guys for joining us.

Speaker 1: 31:22

This is another episode of 15 minutes with dad. If you found love and joy into this episode, please share it with your friend, take it to uh, you know, share it with family members. Or even share it with your teen if you want them to hear mariah's perspective. And in regards to drugs and for dads, I would urge you for these. Next, like, whatever you do after this episode, one thing that you have to do is first, attach your emotions from their growth to start, from where their thoughts and feelings are and not from where your own. And three like teach from how you felt when you were a teenager and not what you did when you were a teenager. How you felt when you were a teenager and not what you did when you were a teenager. It will help them. It will help you connect and understand your teenager better.

Speaker 1: 32:07

And four make sure that you create a realm of resources for them. Create resources where you have at school, whether it's like counselor, whether it's therapy. Make sure they get someone that can talk to them outside of you, that can communicate to them about the things that they're struggling with or even talk about the core reasons behind it. Five help them find their why. If they have a why not to or a why to do it, then you have some information or arsenal to actually help them get to the place where you think you feel like your child should be. And those are my five steps to five ways to navigate drug use in teenagehood. So y'all have a good day, love, peace, chicken grease. Y'all take care. Bye-bye.