Big Love from Little Ones: A Family Talk with My 10-Year-Old Plus Son

Discover the heartfelt experiences of growing up in a blended family as we sit down with Abraham, the "nosy kid" who brings a special perspective to our conversation. He takes us through the evolving dynamics with the addition of Anne-Marie and Amani, and shares treasured family moments like those thrilling amusement park trips and tranquil camping adventures. The journey isn't without its challenges, as Abraham candidly talks about his initial emotions surrounding his parents' divorce and how time has reshaped his understanding of family. His reflections remind us of the significance of shared experiences and being present with loved ones, a cornerstone of our family's journey together.

In the face of change, resilience, and understanding become our guiding lights. We open up about the trials and triumphs of moving homes, forming new bonds, and adapting to shifts in family dynamics post-divorce. The emotional rollercoaster of these experiences offers valuable lessons in personal growth and the importance of being there for one another. Join us as we encourage families and fellow dads to connect, share stories, and spread the joy found in "15 Minutes with Dad." Your support means the world to us, and we send you off with warm wishes of love, peace, and happiness.

Chapters

• 0:00 Family Dynamics and Relationships
• 11:07 Navigating Family Changes and Understanding Divorce
• 22:40 Connect With Dad in 15 Minutes

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:40

Hey, what's going on? You guys, my name is Lyric, the creator of 15 Minutes with Dad, a platform where we go all things dadhood and all things co-parenting. If you have not hit us up on any social media, you can find us at 15 Minutes with Dad on Facebook, instagram, discord, patreon, youtube and any social media that you can possibly think of, except for X, but you can find us on everywhere else. Today I wanted to give you guys a look inside of my family and the dynamics that take place in our family. I have today a special guest, my guy Abraham Delgado. I probably shouldn't put his name out there like that, but we are here, here's a special guest, abraham, and he will give us his perspective inside of our family and I'm just interviewing him. He has no idea what the questions are that I'm going to ask him. I just pulled up some questions and I'm going to interview him so that you can learn about him and his perspective of our family. Welcome, abraham.

Speaker 2: 2:00

Hi, I am so excited to have you on the show.

Speaker 1: 2:01

How do you feel? I feel very excited to have you on the show. How do you feel?

Speaker 2: 2:05

I feel very excited, but also nervous.

Speaker 1: 2:08

That's fair. That's fair because there's a lot of people listening to you right now, but it's okay because you can't see them and they can't see you, right? All right, tell us about yourself, abraham. How old are you?

Speaker 2: 2:19

Ten.

Speaker 1: 2:20

And what do you like to do?

Speaker 2: 2:21

I like to draw. I'm playing with my brother, Emmy.

Speaker 1: 2:25

Nice. Yeah, emi, he's a really great guy. He's also listening on the other side of this podcast. Hey, emi, all right. So I have some questions for you, abraham, and I wanted to get your perspective. There are questions that's going to make you probably think a little and answer some questions, so don't be afraid to take a couple seconds to think. Okay, all right. So my first question to you is what does family mean to you?

Speaker 2: 2:53

Family means to me like a group of people who love each other.

Speaker 1: 3:00

You say a family means to you a group of people that love each other. Okay, that's fair.

Speaker 2: 3:06

Okay, and what role do you feel like you play in this family? What do you?

Speaker 1: 3:13

mean by roles Like role Like some people like in families. There are people that are like the agitator. There's people that's like the doofy person, the person that's Nosy kid. The nosy kid. That is probably the most direct statement you've made in a year.

Speaker 2: 3:32

Knowledge of kids Enemy.

Speaker 1: 3:34

That's funny because every time there's any conversations going, no matter where Abraham is in the house, he will make us repeat it. He will be in the upstairs in a closet looking for toys and he'll hear us. And he will be in the upstairs in a closet looking for toys and he'll hear us and me and my girlfriend in our closet talking downstairs, and he'll be like what is that?

Speaker 1: 3:53

And then we'll have to repeat it because he comes all the way down because he's interested in our facts. So that is definitely a fair statement. Okay, I want to get your perspective on. We're talking about family right now. Right, and as our family is, our family is blended and with that, what kind of? How big did your family grow?

Speaker 2: 4:18

With you and Anne-Marie, I think it grew huge.

Speaker 1: 4:22

And then what else? And we have Amani, who is between all of us, right, just glued the family together. Yeah, yeah. And how do you feel about that when you found, like, when your family grew?

Speaker 2: 4:34

I felt it was going to be a great family.

Speaker 1: 4:36

Yeah, do you really enjoy telling me that? Because I'm listening to you, oh man, okay. So I got a deeper question for you. I got a deeper question for you. What do you think, what do you feel is unique or special about you and my relationship?

Speaker 2: 5:01

With you and I, Mm-hmm, I feel like the way we bond is like unique.

Speaker 1: 5:13

Yeah. In what ways do you feel like it's unique, or what makes it special to you?

Speaker 2: 5:22

First you don't have much time, you don't have work to do, but when we finally get time to bond, I feel like that's really special.

Speaker 1: 5:32

Yeah, I think it's special to me as well. Do you feel, like we, when we're bonding, that I'm present or not?

Speaker 2: 5:41

You're present a lot.

Speaker 1: 5:44

Okay, so let's can you share some of your favorite memories, since our families have joined together.

Speaker 2: 5:51

When we went to Kings, when we went fishing camping and when we went to that amusement park with the wooden roller coaster in houston yes yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:11

So, like the trips and things like that, make good memories. Okay, that's great. I'm glad that those memories stuck with you. I think something that was important to me when we joined families is that I somehow do a different job than I've done in my past, because I've been with other relationships with people, with women that had kids, and I don't think that I did a great job during those times, because I looked at myself different, my role that I played in the family differently then than I do now, and so making memories has been a very important part of how I engage with you guys, and I think that your mom helped me realize that, because she wanted to make memories because family is really important to her as well, right, she wanted to make memories because family is really important to her as well, right? Okay, so my next question is this is a little bit more intense, okay. So what? How did you feel when you first found out that your mom and your dad were getting divorced?

Speaker 2: 7:23

I felt pretty sad yeah, why because I love my dad and I wanted them to be together. But they were like getting through each other and how do you feel now? I feel like what do you mean by now? Like how do you feel now? I feel like what do you mean by now?

Speaker 1: 7:46

Like, how do you feel now that they are divorced? That's how you felt before, but now that they are, how do you feel? I?

Speaker 2: 7:52

still feel pretty sad. I still feel pretty sad about it, but I'm like glad of the outcome.

Speaker 1: 8:01

Are you glad of the outcome? What makes the outcome special or better than what you?

Speaker 2: 8:07

thought you, you've been a great stepdad in Mariah and there's the cute little Monty.

Speaker 1: 8:16

Yeah, he's a little adorable. Yeah, I appreciate that. I'm glad I could make a difference in your in the outcome of that. Have you found, have you learned any valuable lessons, or what valuable lessons have you learned about family so far?

Speaker 2: 8:39

I should hide and not scream push anybody. Try to get under control with my feelings.

Speaker 1: 8:49

Yeah, I think that's a great point. Emotional stability, or emotional awareness. Emotional stability, like being able to be in control of your emotions in moments of frustration, is very important as a growing young man. And just so you know, your brother is going to test you until the end of time. I have my little brother, I have four little brothers and there's one that literally tests me consistently all the time and he's literally a year younger than me and he's still just irritated. He knows how to irritate me within seconds and I'll just blow up on him, but we figured he can take me beating him up. But it's all still love and knowing there's gonna be that forever, right, it's never gonna be like, hey, it's peaceful because he's your little brother, it's his job is literally to irritate you, amy.

Speaker 2: 9:38

Yes.

Speaker 1: 9:38

I get that All right. So, ola, my next question is you are smack dab in the middle of age-ish right? I know things could be hard because we have two toddlers. We have a four-year-old exiting toddler stage, we have a new toddler, amani, and then we have you, and then we have a new toddler Amani, and then we have you, and then we have a 16 year old, and the 16 year old requires a lot of attention. The baby requires a lot of attention and the toddler screams for attention all the time. How does that make, how does that make you feel being 10 years old and independent for the most part?

Speaker 2: 10:19

I. I feel like I also need attention too, but I don't get enough.

Speaker 1: 10:27

That's fair and I know that it's something that your mom and I have been trying to work on and focus. But with the time that we have in a day, sometimes it's difficult, but we have a plan in place. Our goal we talked about it earlier this year before we moved into our new home that we would try to do some one-on-one times with you guys, each of you separately, and with you telling me. That just reminded me and say, hey, put some more effort into spending those one-on-one so that you can get some one-on-one time and you can feel the love and attention that you want to feel. You've experienced a lot of change over the last three years, right?

Speaker 2: 11:11

Yes.

Speaker 1: 11:12

What was the most challenging thing that you feel like you had to experience?

Speaker 2: 11:18

The most challenging thing. I feel like moving.

Speaker 1: 11:23

Moving, Moving from where? No? Moving from your first place to that one apartment, from that one apartment to our apartment. And then to where we are.

Speaker 2: 11:38

Yeah, I lost a lot of friends back there. Yeah, you lost a lot of friends back there.

Speaker 1: 11:41

Yeah, you lost a lot of friends back there. Yeah, do you have friends? Do you make any friends now?

Speaker 2: 11:47

Yes.

Speaker 1: 11:48

Was it difficult to make more friends? As soon as you moved to a new school you got like eons more friends. It was weird. Bro came back with a birthday party and had 15 kids here. He only been at the school for a couple of months. It was crazy. But yeah, that's what I'm. How do you feel now about that, All of the moving stuff?

Speaker 2: 12:10

I feel like next time we move, I feel like I'm going to be ready for that.

Speaker 1: 12:14

Guess what. We're not going to have to move because we basically bought this house. We're in this thing, so we're stuck. We're like got a lot of solidness going here, all right. So I think that, what do you? What is your? How do you feel about me as a person? If you were to describe me, how would would you describe me? It could be good, it could be bad, doesn't matter.

Speaker 2: 12:43

I feel like you are kind but also strict. Mm-hmm, you like are smart. You're like Like you give out life lessons in a smart way okay, anything else strict, smart, kind.

Speaker 1: 13:12

I guess that's the little middle ground I'm always trying to hang out in. I think everything that I am is about teaching lessons, which I'm trying to do a better job of delivering lessons in the right time, because I'm always like, ready to give a lesson Right. But I think that there's a lot that I teach you that I didn't get taught when I was your age because I didn't have a father in my life, and so maybe I overdo it sometimes and I'll try to be mindful of giving you the opportunity to learn your lessons without me being the one to tell you, for sometimes, but sometimes you will hear me talk and give you a lesson and make it make sense for you. Can I tell you what I think about you?

Speaker 2: 13:49

What.

Speaker 1: 13:50

You ready.

Speaker 2: 13:51

Yes.

Speaker 1: 13:52

Drum roll. That's a drum beat, but it's cool. It started playing wrong. So that is what I would say is, abraham, I think that I believe that you can feel like you are a very growth-minded young man. I think that you have so much potential to be great in your life. I think I'm so happy to be your stepdad and I'm so proud of all of the resilience which means like you were being flexible and like understanding in times where things were challenging and being comforting to me. You're a solid rock for our family and you emulate very great qualities as a person. You're nice, you're kind, you try to show love to everybody. That and even if there are people being mean to other people, you are brave and courageous and you'll stand up for those people and that makes me proud. Thanks, you're welcome. Was this podcast as hard as you thought it was going to be?

Speaker 1: 15:10

a little harder yeah, the questions were a little difficult. He wasn't ready to deep to into your yeah this early in the morning. It's okay, are you thinking a lot right now?

Speaker 2: 15:25

What are you thinking, phil?

Speaker 1: 15:26

I'm thinking about life, right now, yeah, what, what comes to mind?

Speaker 2: 15:33

What's the first thing that comes to mind why this happened to me.

Speaker 1: 15:37

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 15:38

Which part? Why did I get divorced? What is the outcome?

Speaker 1: 15:42

Well, stuff like that. I can tell you that there's a lot about divorce that is very confusing to people or kids Very confusing, and I'll tell you what that's. Those are questions. If you have questions that you could ask us, your mom, you'll start with your mom because it's her situation, but you can also include me at moments where you want me to explain it in a way that you understand if you misunderstand the parents or the adults. But it impacts the kids greatly, because everything about family you understand right. You, like family, will never separate. This is who I wake up to, this is who I go to sleep to, this is my stability.

Speaker 1: 16:31

And what happens is when a divorce happens. It makes you feel unstable and rocky and confused about what is life and why that it happened to you. But I'll tell you one thing it didn't it. It wasn't why that it happened to you. But I'll tell you one thing it wasn't something that intentionally happened to you. But I can tell you that it was a decision made so that you can have a better future than you would have had in that situation. Sometimes adults find it more better to separate because of the happiness that they can provide to themselves and to their loved ones. So here's the thing. Let's take into account that your mom stayed into that situation with your dad and they were not in the place to love each other in the right way, talk through things, communicate and make up and make things better. They were together for 10 years and your mom and your dad tried to make things work and they didn't right. So 10 years it didn't go right. Imagine if they stayed for 10 more years. How happy would they be?

Speaker 2: 17:38

With that.

Speaker 1: 17:39

I don't think they would be happy and if an adult doesn't have happiness inside them, how can they provide it to their children?

Speaker 2: 17:50

and then have to find a different guy to feel happy, to feel safe.

Speaker 1: 17:57

All of that right, and it's not necessarily the different guy that makes them feel safe, but it's more so like a different situation entirely. There had to be a change in life in order for her to be happy, in order for your dad to find happiness, and sometimes it's with different people.

Speaker 2: 18:17

Fudge.

Speaker 1: 18:19

So I would say, over time, I hope that you understand that it was a decision made ahead of time, made ahead of time to make your future better. Do you think that, with your mom constantly fighting and arguing with your dad, that you would come out happy? You would be happy?

Speaker 2: 18:48

No.

Speaker 1: 18:48

Or able to be happy.

Speaker 2: 18:50

Oh, the only time I would be happy, like when I'm being with my friends, but when I come home, they're always fighting not getting along and over.

Speaker 1: 19:01

I grew up and I grew up in that environment and I can tell you it's not healthy. It's not good for the kids to grow up. It is hard for them to find happiness and joy if they come home to a very crazy home. So that's why the divorce happened as a means to create a better potential future for you and a potential future for your mom to find happiness and you to find happiness. Do you feel like you are happy?

Speaker 2: 19:30

Yes.

Speaker 1: 19:31

You are.

Speaker 2: 19:32

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1: 19:33

So, in a way, the divorce helped you. How do you feel? Do you understand a little bit? Yes, and I know that this is not enough. You'll probably need to talk about it a little bit more and have more conversations about it. Have more conversations about it, but don't be afraid to bring that conversation up with your mom, because as you get older, you'll understand, you'll have different and more in-depth questions about it.

Speaker 1: 20:05

When you were younger, you were like mom, but why are we leaving daddy? Right now you're like, hey, why did this divorce happen? And now you're like, why did this divorce happen to me? Why did this divorce happen to me? And so, as you get older, you'll have different questions and it's okay to continuously ask that until you get to an age where, at the point where I had to tell Mariah, hey, me and your mom didn't work out, not only because we weren't compatible, because I cheated on her, and so not your mom, but us, and so I can give her that information because she's 16 and she understands the concept of that. So, moving forward, don't be afraid to ask those questions, okay.

Speaker 1: 20:42

You got it All right Now that you've been on an episode of 15 Minutes with Dad. Would you ever come back?

Speaker 2: 20:48

Yes, yeah, and I had a chance.

Speaker 1: 20:50

You had a chance, okay, did you enjoy it?

Speaker 2: 20:52

Yes.

Speaker 1: 20:53

All right, I'm not going to drill you anymore with any more crazy questions, but I wanted to get your input and I think our listeners would like to know that as well, because we have a blended family and blended families are more difficult than families that are born together. Does that make sense? Yeah, a lot more difficult, because one kids have to learn how to open up their hearts to other people as parental figures Right, and it was, I think. For me, it was a challenge when we first started got into our family together, because I was like you were seven, right, and I was like how could I get this kid to love me and how could I love this kid? Emmy was one, he was like a wee baby, but you've been seven years with a different dad and I wanted to be clear that I'm not taking your dad's place, but I'm just giving you more dad love, different dad love. How does that make you feel?

Speaker 2: 22:01

Feel about what?

Speaker 1: 22:02

Having more dads. Having more than one dad.

Speaker 2: 22:08

I feel confused. Why, like how could you have more than one dad?

Speaker 1: 22:14

There's a plus dad. That's why I'm a plus dad, your dad plus one, and I'm your plus dad To give you extra dad support Whenever you need it. If anything that your other dad is not giving, I'm here to fill in the blanks, but I'm not here to take his place.

Speaker 2: 22:31

Okay.

Speaker 1: 22:32

I'm here to fill in the blanks.

Speaker 2: 22:34

Got it.

Speaker 1: 22:37

Yeah, All right, that is another episode of 15 Minutes with Dad. Thank you all for joining us Again. If you have not, and if you like this episode and you find this episode helpful for your children or somebody else in your family that's a dad, please make sure you share this audio to someone and go give us a comment. You can send us fan mail through our Spotify or Apple Podcasts. You can connect with us on any social media platform. It's 15 Minutes with Dad, and if you have not do that, All right.

Speaker 2: 23:13

And don't forget to subscribe on YouTube. And don't forget to subscribe on YouTube.

Speaker 1: 23:16

Yeah, don't forget to subscribe on YouTube. You have anything else you want to tell, any lessons you want to give to people before we go?

Speaker 2: 23:22

No, thank you.

Speaker 1: 23:23

No, thank you. Okay, all right, thank you. Love peace, and chicken grease to y'all. Y'all take care, okay, bye.