A Note to Dads: How to Lead the Family’s Journey with Purpose and Vision

Picture a morning routine that sets the tone for a day of growth and intentionality—not just for you, but for your children too. As fathers, we often face the dual challenge of nurturing our kids while navigating the complexities of co-parenting. Join me as I share the transformative insights from the Mindset Mentor Podcast that have shaped my journey through fatherhood. By embracing self-awareness and strategic planning, we can turn challenges into growth opportunities, teaching our children independence through consistency and fostering our own resilience. It's about more than just getting through the day; it's about creating a future where both you and your children thrive.

Intentional parenting is not just a buzzword; it's a lifeline for fathers aiming to build a purposeful family life. With a clear vision in mind, we delve into the significance of self-education and the creation of an environment ripe for growth. Reflect on the goals you have for yourself and your family, and explore how setting daily intentions can guide you toward those aspirations. Routine isn't just about order; it's about gaining freedom and paving the path to success for you and your family. Tune in for a heartfelt message encouraging dads to take charge of their family's journey, acknowledging the crucial role they play in shaping a brighter future for their children.

Chapters

• 0:41 Navigating Fatherhood and Co-Parenting Challenges
• 10:36 Empowering Dads Through Intentional Parenting

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:42

Hey, what's going on, dads? I'm here again with a note to dads. I'm thankful that you joined me today On my drive here. I kind of drove while listening to a podcast and some things stuck out to me. It's called the Mindset Mentor Podcast and I wanted to share a couple points that really hit home with me and some things that I think I learned and used earlier on in my fatherhood, when I couldn't provide for my daughter and I didn't know my worth or my value or the laws that apply to being a dad, when I was kind of in the dark and just letting the mother of my daughter kind of run the relationship, the co-parenting relationship. So there's some things that, um, that I think I learned in in in the deepest part of my depression when I was trying to figure, figure a way out, part of my depression when I was trying to figure a way out. And the first thing is I want to tell you is that you can be the type of dad that you want to be to your kids, and it's easier said than done but you can, and it goes along with how you build yourself and build your resilience in the face of adversity, because you'll be facing adversity the entirety way through, if you have a partner or an ex-partner that's like that, or if you're in a relationship and you're dealing with those things. And to some dads, you know, we're in our child's life and we're living our best life. But for those that are navigating, being a dad and fully presence and having a presence in their child's life, I think these are some qualities you can teach them. These are also some qualities that you can use to build the next stage and build the vision that you have for your family. Uh, and for those that aren't in the life of their, you know, in a relationship with the mother of their child. You can take these tips and build your resilience and build yourself and build a plan around how you're going to navigate in the future. And so my first question that I would ask of you to think about, just to level set things, is are you going with the flow in your life or are you strategically mapping out your, your next steps, your daily routines, your intentions behind your day?

Speaker 1: 3:37

And one thing that I think that I've learned in the past is that there are some things that I cannot go with the flow on in order for my sanity to be calm In order for my mind to be calm and I had to create some form of a routine for me to navigate in. And I know, for some of us, we are renegades. We like to live our life on the edge and go to the next best thing that comes into our face. But everything that's shiny isn't gold. And it's important for us, as dads, to create this vision for our life, our family's life or our kids' life, and the vision doesn't have to be a specific thing you want them to be, but it could be for those that have that tenacity. But for some of us in general, like you, can create a framework in which you have values that you want to instill in your child and watch them grow into.

Speaker 1: 4:37

And so the first thing that I learned was to create routines so that I can find freedom and, believe it or not, there was a study done in the early 2000s that specifically talks about how routine creates this. You use less cognitive abilities whenever you create routines and navigate through those routines, and that means creating routines for your kids, creating routines for yourself. Uh, right now I have, when my 10 year old gets up, like I used to have to walk him through every step of his morning because he was just like missing everything. But I had to take him step by step by step, and I want him, overall, to not to close out one thing before he goes to another thing. Like, hey, put this up before you go and run outside, put your backpack in your closet before you, you know, say that you're done with cleaning your room, make sure that you've cleaned your room, and you hang everything and nothing's on the floor and you double check yourself. Or, you know, even to the point of I was I had to teach him how to put one leg of his one pants leg on at a time. It got to that detail and that was a routine. I would wake up every morning and do that for him, and now he's more self-sufficient in that.

Speaker 1: 5:59

And and sometimes we get so like beat down or so so down on ourselves if we're not accomplishing things that we want to accomplish or reaching the goals that we want to accomplish. And sometimes we get down on ourselves and we don't want to. We think that, okay, well, success will come, or like, I'll take a break today, but sometimes we are not motivated to really go forward into anything like toward any of those goals or those things that we say that we want and sometimes our family is like that as well and a tip that I would tell you is that taking action will breed motivation. If you're waking up in the morning and you don't want to really get up, or you don't want to go and get that workout in, you don't want to get your health right, or you don't want to go to the doctor, or you don't want to go and get that workout in, you don't want to get your health right, or you don't want to go to the doctor, or you don't want to do anything to take care of yourself. You just got to take the action first. You won't find the motivation out of thin air. It won't happen.

Speaker 1: 6:59

When you take an action behavioral, cognitive, like movement as soon as you take that motion towards it, it will breathe the motivation that you need. But you can't expect for it to come out of nowhere. Make sure that you're taking care of yourself, your health, because your existence in your family and longevity of your existence in your family is vital, regardless if you're with a parent or not. Your children need you for as long as they can have you, for as long as they can have you. And this kind of brings me to my next step of like me telling you those things is that you have to talk to yourself and you have to tell yourself each day how do you want to feel? Like, how do you want to feel today, like, how do you want to show up? You know like I take a break sometimes.

Speaker 1: 7:54

Sometimes, like this morning, I woke up and I took deep breaths. I didn't use my phone until now, but I was. I literally sat down before I left for work and took deep breaths. Okay, let me breathe, let me think about how I want today to be, what intentions, like who I want to be and how I want to be today, what is what makes this day successful? And you'll have to do that and connect that with your vision and connect that with your goals. Each day. That leads to your vision.

Speaker 1: 8:25

And I and I I did that today and it felt. It felt enlightening, I felt lighter, I felt like I can make everything that I do today about those actions that I'm taking and that intention that I want to have. Everything that I'm doing today is aligned. I feel it's going to be aligned with that intention, whether it be somebody that tries to derail me or anything or, you know, any derailment of emotions. I will get back to this center, because I've set that center earlier in the day, and the biggest question I want you to ask yourself is that are you going with the flow, are you just getting in a boat and landing at shores that you have no control over in your life, or are you actually no control over in your life, or are you actually taking control over it? Are you in a co-parenting relationship where the mother of your child is creating this chaos and constant chaos and you're just going with it because you feel like it'll bring peace, or are you taking control over that? Like, are you taking control over your situation? And I?

Speaker 1: 9:28

This was a, this was a light switch moment for me when I was, you know, I was giving my, my girl, my, the mother and my daughter money at the time and when I would, you know, like, I would give her money one week and then, very next week, she'll ask me for more money for the things that I gave her money last week to pay for. And then she told me well, I didn't get used that money for that, I got it for this and to the point where I had to let her know like, ok, you're terrible with money, so anything my child needs, just let me know and I'm going to pay for it. And I had to take control over a situation where she I realized that she was not strong in and she wasn't strong even when we were together. So, like I, like some things you have to realize. Like just because you're not with that person doesn't mean they all of a sudden become self-sufficient or they all of a sudden become the best. They, they're the you know, they're the perfect parents. Or they know exactly how you should parent and how a dad should be in their child's life. No, you control that. You need to control that.

Speaker 1: 10:37

She does not dictate who you are. She does not know the law. She has not read the law. She just goes off of what people have told her in her life, usually as soon as things shake up in your relationship. Now she's an expert in all things parenting. Now she's the expert in all things parenting from a father's perspective, all things parenting from a law perspective. No, go educate yourself. Go build your resilience and know who you are and how you want to show up in your child's life and what intentions you want to set daily.

Speaker 1: 11:13

That leads to that, and if you're with your family, if you're with your family, I think the thing still goes into play, because you need to have a vision for your family. Without a vision, y'all are just running the coastline, seeing what may happen. Everything's spontaneous, and you throw the word spontaneous but really there's just no control, no self-control. Creating a vision for your family, you take into account everybody in your family and who they are and where they say they want to be, and you create the environment in which they can be that best, their best selves, and you make sure you continuously connect that environment to hey. You say you want to be their best selves, and you make sure you continuously connect that environment to hey. You say you want to be your best self. This is what is here for you as a resource, and is this still who you want to be and what you want to be? And if not, then let's switch up some things. But it's a constant flow. But your vision has to encompass your family.

Speaker 1: 12:13

So I would ask you are you taking control? Are you intentional? Are you being intentional with your life and the interaction that you have with your family, your kids, your significant other, your ex, your ex, your co-parent, your ex, your ex, your co-parent. So, before I close this out, just think about these.

Speaker 1: 12:38

These next couple of questions, like, as you navigate, having a vision for your family's life and being intentional and showing up each day and accomplishing those goals that you set for your family, for yourself, for your health. Where do you want to be in 12 months? Where do you want to be in three years, three to five years? Where do you want to be and ask yourself, what is your daily schedule to move in that direction? What are you doing daily to get to that goal that you set, that hard goal you set? What intentions do you need to set daily in order for you to reach that goal, that daily goal, that daily schedule? What intentions do you need to set for you to be in the right mindset? What actions do you need to set for you to be in the right mindset? What actions do you need to take today that would lead you to your schedule and your goal? What actions do you need to take? And, lastly, what routines do you need to create? Routine breeds freedom. Routine breeds freedom in your life, your family's life and I leave you with that today, dad.

Speaker 1: 14:03

That is our note for dads, notes to dads for today. Thank you guys for joining me and having this conversation with me, and I appreciate you taking the time to jump in and listen to these notes. This connection is deeper connection. I wanted to create for dads to hear some information that is otherwise passed on us or not given to us. So thank you, dads, I love you. Brothers, walk through this planet being confident in who you are, as a man, as a father, and let's make every day better.