6 Ways to Support Your Childs Mental Health in a Chaotic Time

How can you safeguard your kids' emotional health while navigating the stormy seas of divorce and job loss? In this episode, we discuss the vital aspects of child-centered co-parenting, using Brian's story as a real-life example.  We delve into the importance of transparent, age-appropriate communication, the power of teaching resilience by example, and the necessity of seeking support. By being open about our hardships and demonstrating how to face adversity head-on, we can help our children feel secure and strong.

In the latter half, we turn our focus to the well-being of co-parents, underscoring its significance in effective co-parenting relationships. Inspired by the "oxygen mask principle," we discuss why prioritizing your own health is crucial to better supporting your children. Tune in for practical tips and insights aimed at maintaining your personal well-being amidst the challenges of co-parenting. Don't miss out on subscribing to "15 Minutes with Dad" for more invaluable content, and join us for our live call-in segment, "Dad Let's Chat," where we tackle real-life co-parenting issues together. Your approach to difficult times can profoundly impact your children's mental health—equip yourself with the tools to navigate these challenges effectively.

Chapters

• 0:00 Child-Centered Co-Parenting
• 1:19 Introduction
• 4:39 Create a space for age-appropriate communication
• 5:21 Teach resilience through example
• 6:48 Seek support when needed
• 9:35 Keep their routine as consistent as possible
• 11:37 Prioritize your own self-care
• 13:01 Foster optimism and flexibility
• 14:08 Closing

Transcript

Lirec: 0:40

Welcome to another episode of 15 Minutes with Dad podcast, where we focus on fatherhood, co-parenting and everything in between. I'm your Lirec, Williams, and today we're diving into the third episode of our series Seven Key Steps to Child-Centered Co-Parenting. Today's episode is one that is close to home for parents, including myself mental health awareness for children. Whether you're dealing with financial stress, emotional challenges or career upheavals, your kids are affected. They pick up on our energy and emotions more than we realize. So how do we make sure our personal storms don't cast shadows over our kids' mental health? That's what we're going to talk about today, and I'll be referencing a story of Brian, a father who's going through his own struggles. But ultimately, this is about you, about the steps you can take to safeguard your children's well-being during tough times. If you've ever felt like your struggles might be weighing on your kids, stick around, because this episode is for you. Before we get started, don't forget to follow us on social media at 15 Minutes with Dad for more tips and updates. Also, head over to 15minuteswithdadcom forward slash co-parent to sign up for my free three-part co-parenting workshop, where we'll go even deeper into these kinds of strategies. Trust me, you'll want to be a part of that.

Lirec: 2:03

All right, let's get into it. If you're like most parents, you probably had moments when you worried about how your own struggles financial or emotional are affecting your kids. Maybe if you've gone through a divorce, faced job loss or dealt with personal challenges. Maybe if you've gone through a divorce, faced job loss or dealt with personal challenges that left you feeling stretched thin and, as much as you try to shield your children from the impact, you know they sense what's going on. That's what today's episode is all about Mental health awareness for children. When life gets tough for us as parents, we need to be especially mindful of how our struggles might be affecting our kids' emotional well-being.

Lirec: 2:50

To make this more relatable, let's reference Brian's story as an example. His situation might feel familiar to you Divorce, financial strain, job loss but this episode is about you and how you can navigate your own challenges while protecting your children's mental health. Let's think about a time when life threw you a curveball. Maybe it's happening right now. You're trying to keep it all together, but deep down, you're worried about how your kids are handling it. Maybe you're wondering if they can sense your stress or if they're feeling the impact of your struggles.

Lirec: 3:26

Brian, a father, just like you, found himself in a similar situation. Brian went through a divorce after his wife had an affair and then, to make things harder, he lost his job due to an employee's underperformance. Like many of us, his biggest concern wasn't just himself, it was his kids. He feared that all of his up people might take a toll on their mental health. If you're feeling the same, don't worry, you're not alone, and there are ways you can safeguard your children's emotional well-being while you navigate your own challenges.

Lirec: 4:00

Let's go through a few of those challenges that can help. The first one try and open an age-appropriate communication. You might be tempted to shield your kids from everything, but in reality they can sense when things are off. You can keep an open line of communication with your kids, but in a way they can understand. You don't have to burden them with adult worries, but you can explain what's happening in terms they can process. For example, brian told his kids about his job loss, but he reassured them that, no matter what, his love and commitment to them won't change. In your case, it might be as simple as saying things are a little different right now, but I'm working on it and we're going to be okay.

Lirec: 4:42

And number two, think about how to teach resilience through example. Whether you realize it or not, your kids are always watching how you handle adversity. You can show your children how to face challenges head on by letting them see your problem and how you solved it and different ways that you stay positive even when things got tough. Stay positive even when things got tough and I think that maybe you're dealing with financial stress or career uncertainty, whatever it is. Showing your kids that you're doing your best to find a solution teaches them resilience when they see you bounce back. It reinforces their sense of security.

Lirec: 5:19

And on a personal note and I talked about this in my book, man up from our trauma to being impactful fathers that when I was homeless, I was a dad at that time and I came from absolutely nothing and I had to work my way up, but what I never did was tell my daughter that everything is perfect. There was never a time where she assumed that everything was perfect. Her life never changed. She's seen that. Things made me upset and she worried about me and I just let her know. Okay, like dad's going through some things, I want to get some. You know, get some things taken care of. It's a little hard right now, but these are my next steps, and sometimes telling your kids what your next steps are can reinforce you. It holds you accountable mentally to say I told my kid I'm going to do that, so I got to come through. Now you know. So that's. That's the second. Try and teach them resilience through example.

Lirec: 6:09

The third one is seek support when needed, and this is something that I had a hard time doing throughout my journey uh, over the last decade or so is asking for help. I do not do that well and I'm still working on it, even right today. I've been self-sufficient since a teenager and it's hard for me to open up the door and let my friends or let people pour into me. And I learned something from my therapist. Before we get into that seeking support is that I learned this that people that call themselves your friends want to be able to prove themselves to being your friend. They want to be able to pour into you and they want a chance to show you that they're your friend and that they love on you. And I've always had a problem with that just on a connection tip, because I'm avoiding it in ways. So let's get into seeking support when you need it.

Lirec: 7:10

If you've ever thought about counseling for yourself or your kids, know that it's one of the strongest things that you can do. You can consider seeking professional help, not because you couldn't handle things, but because you recognize that outside support could make a big difference for both you and your children. Therapy isn't a last resort. It's a tool to make sure everyone has the emotional support they need. If you feel like your kids are struggling with your challenges, talking to a professional might be the next step.

Lirec: 7:41

And there was this one time where I learned this the hard way. When I moved from Houston, texas, to Ohio, I had a. I had a hard time adjusting to the shift of never being living out of another state and then also my daughter being with me at that time, having to transition as well. And what I learned was is that I didn't even know I was having a hard time until way later. But noticing that my daughter was having a hard time even after a year of transitioning and never really addressing that, it never popped in my mind that maybe my daughter needs help with this transition. It wasn't until I got her therapy a couple of years after that because of things gotten so bad, just just remnants on top of remnants of um. That hard transitional period and therapy was able to help both of help her through her challenges, but also make me question myself on what I'm feeling about the transition, and I realized that I actually had a hard time transitioning as well. And that brings me to my next point Try and maintain stability with routine.

Lirec: 8:56

One of the best ways to make your kids feel safe when life gets unpredictable is by keeping their routine as consistent as possible. Brian made sure his family stuck to regular mealtimes, activities and bedtimes Even when everything else felt up in the air, and you can do the same. By keeping certain parts of their day stable, you're providing a sense of normalcy that can help your kids feel grounded, no matter what happened outside of the home. And I know a lot of fathers and I've seen this through the different groups that I'm in and conversations that I've had with dads is that when things the biggest upheaval that a father would experience is building a family and then losing it and you don't know how to navigate that, I understand that we get desperate to make sure that the kids don't see it and don't experience it, and the reality is they will experience some parts of it and, no matter what we do, the part that we have power over is trying to at least keep their life and their experiences the same or as consistent as possible. Things may change, maybe they'll sleep in a different place, maybe they'll interact with a different person, but their routines should not change. Their bedtime should not change, their eating schedule should not change, their school should not change. Those things have to be maintained. Regardless of all the craziness, it's when that stuff changes that deeply impacts the child. Now they're saying, okay, what's up Like now? Everything is jacked up. The world is going to crap because the simple things in their life that they only know of no longer exist. So try and maintain, as much as you possibly can, some sense of normalcy in those upheaval moments in your life and in your co-parenting schedules.

Lirec: 10:58

The fifth strategy is interesting because you might think that it's all about focusing on them, but you probably heard this a thousand times Prioritize your own self-care, and I can't stress this enough. You can't pour from an empty cup. You have to make sure to take care of your own emotional health so that you can be there for your kids, whether that's getting enough sleep, taking time to relax or even talking to someone about your struggles. Taking care of yourself is key. When you're emotionally balanced, you can give your kids the support that they need. I understand that when you are losing your family, whether it be by your choice or your mistake, or the person that you're with or your ex's mistake whatever that may be that led to you being in a co-parenting environment you still have to maintain your mental health, and I know a lot of fathers out there that have just given up because it's so stressful. The levels of stress is so high when you feel like somebody's leaving you because of something you did and you thought you did everything that you could.

Lirec: 12:22

Even in that situation, you have to maintain your emotional balance, and this last strategy is simple but very impactful, and it's foster optimism and flexibility. Basically, focus on what you can control. Basically focus on what you can control, and everything else let it fall where it may, but if you can control it, focus on it. You have to remain optimistic and adaptable even when things are tough, and by showing your kids that it's possible to find joy in small moments, they can handle changes. You can teach them that one of life's most important lessons how to be flexible and find happiness amidst adversity. You can help your kids by focusing on what's going well, no matter how tough things get.

Lirec: 13:29

And, as you notice throughout this whole episode, basically your children's mental health is dependent upon your mental health and how you handle this upheaval in your life, putting you into that co-parenting space, handling things that you can control and leaving the rest to fall where they may. That stuff is stressful, the stuff you can't handle. You're going to be chasing that for the rest of your life and it's stressful. But if you know what you can handle and you make the decisions to align with those things that you can handle and navigate that, I think that your child's mental health will be impacted positively by it. So I know we talked about Brian's story. It might be different from yours in some ways, but those strategies you can apply in your own life and it's all about being mindful of how your struggle affects your children and taking proactive steps to make sure their mental health is a priority. All right, we've come to the end of this episode. If you've ever worried that your personal challenges might be affecting your kids, just know that you are not alone. We all go through tough time, but it's how we respond that makes a difference. By staying open, creating stability, modeling resilience and taking care of your own well-being, you're setting your children up to thrive even when life feels hard.

Lirec: 15:07

And if you're looking for more guidance on how to balance co-parenting, personal challenges and your kids' well-being, I've got a special invitation for you. I'm hosting a free three-part co-parenting workshop and I'd love for you to join Head over to 15minuteswithdadcom. Forward slash co-parent to sign up In this workshop. We'll go even deeper into strategies like the ones we've talked about today. It's free and I'd love to see you there Next week.

Lirec: 15:34

We'll continue the conversation by talking about co-parents' well-being. The well-being of co-parents is a cornerstone of a healthy, thriving co-parenting relationship. It's the oxygen mask principle in action. You must secure your own mask before assisting others, and every parent can benefit from learning more about it. Until then, make sure you subscribe to 15 Minutes with Dad on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode. Follow us on social media at 15 minutes with dad for more tips, insights and live discussions, and don't forget to join us every Friday for dad let's chat our live call-in segment. We talk through your real life co-parenting challenges until next time. Remember it's how you show up during the storm that shapes your children's wellbeing. Keep showing up and your kids will thank you for it.