Healing with Edwin Jones: The Impact of a Father's Absence and Breaking the Cycle

Healing and Fatherhood: Navigating Parenthood with Edwin Jones

In this episode of '15 Minutes with Dad,' host Lirec introduces Edwin Jones, who shares his journey of healing from a fatherless childhood and how it shapes his role as a father today. They delve into the differences between a mother's and father's presence, the importance of showing up for children, and the unique experiences and lessons that come from growing up without a paternal figure. Edwin emphasizes the need to keep showing up for children in the way they need, regardless of life's challenges. Tune in for an insightful discussion on fatherhood, healing, and the impact of parental presence.

00:00 Introduction to 15 Minutes with Dad
01:00 Guest Introduction: Edwin Jones
02:26 Edwin's Childhood and Fatherhood Reflections
03:31 The Impact of Absent Fathers
06:31 Creating a New Fatherhood Standard
08:52 Active Fatherhood in Everyday Life
11:19 Society's Perception of Fatherhood
14:31 Personal Experiences and Challenges
16:47 The Joys and Challenges of Fatherhood
17:03 Lessons from Childhood
20:04 Balancing Emotional and Logical Parenting
22:48 The Importance of Identity and Presence
33:55 Advice for All Types of Dads
35:13 Conclusion and Community Engagement

Chapters

• 0:00 Fatherhood and Healing Series Interview
• 7:27 The Modern Fatherhood Journey
• 17:23 Fatherhood Lessons and Presence in Parenting
• 20:38 Parenting Gender Roles and Balance
• 24:56 Navigating Parental Identity and Absence
• 29:05 Navigating Fatherhood Through Childhood Patterns
• 39:35 Healing Series With Edwin Jones

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:47

Hey, what's going on? You guys, thank you for tuning in to 15 Minutes with Dab. My name is Lyric and I'm the creator of this podcast, and we have the Healing Series, we have Fatherhood Speaks and we also have the Father Daughter Podcast that we are pushing strong. So if you have not looked at or watched any of those videos or listened to it on any streaming platform, you can find us on literally every streaming platform that you can think of. You can also find us on YouTube. If you want to watch our videos, you can follow us on all things social media at 15minuteswithdad. Make sure you check in, chime in, watch our videos, share our videos. Just be a part of the growing of this platform. I want to say that I love you and thank you very much for tuning in. We'll be right back. Hey, welcome back to 15 Minutes with Dad.

Speaker 1: 1:50

Today, I have a guest with me, edwin Jones, and we're going to talk about the healing that he had to go through from his father and how he implemented those healing tactics that he's learned and giving his children the things that he felt that he never had. And I know that fathers out there that are watching this we have all experienced this where we have gaps in our childhood and what we thought we should have gotten, but we didn't learn this until we were an adult. So we went through our life and then experienced all these different things and processed the world in the way we process them, then realized when we had our own kids that maybe I need to do something different, and today we're going to talk about that. Welcome, edwin. How you doing, brother, hey?

Speaker 2: 2:32

Lyricric how are you?

Speaker 1: 2:33

I'm doing pretty good. Thank you for jumping on this call with me. For everyone that don't know, this is the first time that I'm doing a call in podcast episode and I'm excited about it because it sounds so good in my ear, so hopefully it sounds good to you guys too. So how you doing tonight? What's going on?

Speaker 2: 2:51

I'm doing well. It's for you and I. This is a night call. At the end of the day, after a long day got the kids put to bed and just got some time to really just sit down and talk for however long we can.

Speaker 1: 3:02

Yeah, man, and I thank you for taking the time to speak with me. Like we all have, we have families in life and that to be able to share this moment with you is very special. I want to be a steward of your time and let's jump right in, man. So let's tell me about yourself and let the audience know who are you, mr Edwin Jones.

Speaker 2: 3:20

I appreciate it. My name is Edwin Jones. I'm a probably married father, married to my wife, candace, of nearly 14 years. Recently we've got two kids, two boys. One is five years old and one is he just had his first birthday. Professional been a professional for what seems like a long time 10 or 16 years, a couple of degrees from the Ohio State University, the Ohio State get it right? Yeah, exactly, exactly. And I think that is that's pretty much sums up myself here, unless there's anything you want me to touch on.

Speaker 1: 3:53

Yeah, that was great. That was great. Oh H IO. Okay, I just want to make sure it's embedded, because since I've gone out here in Ohio, everybody knows this and if you don't say it back, you get shunned out of the city.

Speaker 2: 4:05

Oh, man, yeah, we're teaching my son, the one that can talk. Teach me the young game. Say it back. Gotta learn Already. Oh yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1: 4:14

That's funny, man, that's funny. So tell us about your experiences. What is the most memorable negative or positive experience that you have and if you can give both, that would be great with your father growing up.

Speaker 2: 4:29

In this perspective, I unfortunately don't have positive memories with my father, and it's not for not wanting to be there, it's just him and my mother had me when they were teenagers and it didn't work out. And I don't have good memories or fun memories when it comes to my biological father, as I didn't meet him for the first time until I was 17. I was a grown man practically, and so I have nothing bad about him. We still talk. We've gotten to know each other more so as men and as fathers, rather than a father son relationships. I don't have a he didn't teach me how to ride a bike, type of thing, type of memories, but on the same breath, I don't have any negative and that he abused me, type of things either.

Speaker 1: 5:13

I just don't have any one way or another. I was saying, like any impact or any of those direct impact that a father would have on a child kind of memories Exactly None of that.

Speaker 2: 5:24

I didn't meet him until I was 17, 18 years old, already done with high school, getting ready to go to Ohio State for the first time. So we very much met as men. As a physical stature we're similar and by that time I was lifting weights, playing football. So we were, I would say the least.

Speaker 1: 5:41

Yeah, that's interesting man, because I like and I totally agree or not agree, but I can relate to that space because my dad was in prison until I was about 17 or 18. And I didn't meet him until then, and when I look at people that. So there's two things. When I look at people that have had their fathers in their life, they either have a really bad impact or a really good impact. But for those that did not have their father and that have found successes in life and have found ways to overcome those statistics, I'm almost glad that I didn't get impacted by my dad, if that makes sense. I don't wish that I had my dad in my life because I'm like if he was there, he probably would have messed me up and taken me away from this path that I'm on right now. Have you ever felt that?

Speaker 2: 6:29

Oh, absolutely, ever felt that? Oh, absolutely. It's one of those things where you see whether your fund social media question of if you could have $10 million a day or take the knowledge and go back in time, which would you choose? And for me, the answer is always 10 million right now. Because if I go back in time and my mom and my biological father work out, I don't know that I he lives in a different state in the Northeast. I don't know that I go to Ohio state. I don't know that I he lives in a different state in the Northeast. I don't know that I go to Ohio state. I don't know that I go to the church that I went to where I met my wife.

Speaker 2: 7:00

I don't know if I live the life where I have my sons. I don't know what that life looks like. No matter how much richer I may be, I can't control what happens with the life I have now. If I go back, as opposed to you, give me $10 million and I can figure out ways to celebrate with $10 million, moving forward from here.

Speaker 1: 7:17

Yeah, man, Now you're the first guest that I've had that have also had that same experience In some cases, fathers that are impacting their life maybe impacting their life regularly throughout their life from a distance. Impact in their life, maybe impact in their life regularly, throughout their life from a distance, but to have that absence it's a different experience because it's almost like an open canvas. You get to create the kind of father that you want to become or the kind of man that you want to become. It's harder, I feel, because you don't have anybody to tie to or to talk to or to bounce ideas off of, but you get to pull information from anywhere that you want to to mold your mind in the way that you wanted to mold it. Is that fair? Is that a fair assessment on your side?

Speaker 2: 8:00

oh man, that's very fair, because it's one of those things where when you have the opportunity to mold, if you are that, that can be great, but that also can be scary and also be molded incorrectly. There's so many fatherless males and fatherless men that don't have that. Grew up watching TV and grew up believing what they saw on TV as reality. And then you apply those TV principles to real life and they don't work For me.

Speaker 2: 8:25

I was blessed that my mom had me and my brothers in church when we were younger, five days a week, whether it was women's choir, youth choir, midweek service, Sunday morning, Sunday night service it kept us out of trouble and for me I was. When I said I played football, I was the oldest, strong, able to help out when it came to doing different things, and responsible and smart. So I was always around older men at my church and so I was just very blessed. And then moving churches but just any church that we were a part of I was blessed to where I had the opportunity to see men with their kids, with their wives, and really be able to see and be like okay, I like what he said over here about that and I like what he did. I like what they did and be able to, like you said, make a mold and shape the father experience that I wanted to see, see it from a very an arm's length distance, but then be able to apply it when I got older. And now I'm on my own fathering journey.

Speaker 1: 11:05

And how's that? How's that going? Let's talk about that. How is that? How's that fatherhood journey going for you?

Speaker 2: 11:17

It's, uh, I think it's going well. It's one of those things where I'm not one of you said toot my own horn, or if you're a chef, you don't talk about your own food, how good your food is, because somebody else might have a different perspective, right, but when it comes to my father and my son at school, this week had spirit week, and so I did spirit week along with him crazy hair days. We both had crazy hair costume days. We both wore costumes to schools. We did those types of things and one of the teachers stopped me and was like thank you for being so involved.

Speaker 1: 11:42

Yeah, yeah, I was like wow, it's her, and I'm amazed One. I would have loved to see that. So I wish that if you can send a picture, that would be great. I would include it on this, because I would love to see that, and I think it's very so that.

Speaker 1: 12:00

Two things to that statement right, when we are being like, we are active. It's normal for us to be active in our kids' life, but it feels abnormal for society to understand that we exist Like, for I appreciate when people come and say, oh my God, you're such a great dad, but in reality I'm just being a dad. Right, I feel like I'm just being a dad. I'm not in competition, I'm not trying to like meet a. I've created the standard for myself as a father. This is what my child needs me to be. So I am this type of father. But that, the two things that I want to mention is that how society, I feel like, is not ready for us to be like. They're like, they're not. I don't want to say ready, it's more like oh, aware is not the word either. They're not used to it, so it's like and that's the thing that's sad.

Speaker 2: 12:51

It's sad on both fronts for the father and the mothers. We're talking about fathers, so I just focus on us, but I'll mention the mothers briefly, because the mother's bar is so high to be good and it's so easy to be bad. As men with fathers, we have the inverse Like, yeah, I change my son's diaper, I feed my son a bottle, I do those things. I do those things in public. That doesn't make me a great dad, that makes me I'm a parent. That's my son, that's my, that's half my DNA. So when I show up to, I show up, I make sure I talk to him, I give him a kiss him on the forehead and tell him I love him. I do those things and do those things in public. We play around in public. But then when it's time for a correction, I correct him too.

Speaker 2: 13:33

It's not meant to be making anybody show, show anybody up, try to look great or try to put on a facade. That's my son, that's my legacy and both of them and that's what I want them both to be raised as and seen as. But again, for the perspective, our bar is so low because of, unfortunately, society's perspective on oh well, you're just a, you're just a dad, you're just a, you're just a seed. You can come and you can go and it's like nah, I didn't just decide, I made a choice and now that choice is my legacy. That choice is what I need to live with too, and that's my responsibility. And, like you said, society doesn't pay us that way that we take it so seriously. Like the mothers and the mothers are so high on the pedestal it's easy for them to fall, but for us it's so easy to be exemplar dad of the year, when all we did was show up and put forth the minimal amount of effort. But to the outside, looking in, it looks incredible.

Speaker 1: 14:30

Oh my goodness, this person has figured it out. And even when I meet women because I have women on my platform as well sometimes that come on as guests because, like this platform is for the family, like it's called 15 minutes with dad. But the dad is a part of the family structure, the family triad child, mother and father and so I kind of push. I think it's all twisted up in different ways, but for the most part, I look at that triad and all of those parts. Without one of those, the others don't exist, right, if it without the child, there is no mother and father. Without the mother, there is no child or father. So, and that's just me saying, like, how they become a thing. But when I talk to women on this podcast and I tell them, hey, this is what this podcast is about, they're like oh my God, this is so needed.

Speaker 1: 15:18

I know that there's a lot of male or manhood podcast out there. There's too many. It probably is. Oh, it's oversaturated with manhood podcast. It's how you be an alpha male, out for this and this, how you do this, how you treat women.

Speaker 1: 15:31

But then there's this niche of fathers that are going through it, right, there's fathers who are trying to understand who they are as a man and how that applies to the family structure, whereas in the past we haven't had that. We haven't had that conversation much. It's just been like we've just been pushing ahead from the ancient days where we were just bringing home the bacon or going to hunt to bring home the food and we never talked about because I'm sure it's been happening. For I've talked to stories of fathers that have oh yeah, my dad was this crazy great person and but they don't know that. People don't know that.

Speaker 1: 16:07

And so my goal is to take this generation and make it very seen, because I feel like this next generation after us is going to be so blessed with the type of fathers Cause I've seen dudes that are still in the streets still with their pants sagging, but when it comes to the thugging it out they're going to, they're going to best life catching the bus, but they got their kids in their arms Right, and I know that we, our generation, missed a whole line of fatherhood, like my father was a part of the war on drugs, the end of the latter part of the war on drugs era. So I just say that to say, like it's to your point, that idea of the standards are low, because I mean, I feel like if they see us more and they see it in their face more, then they'll be like all right, that's just bare minimum, what else can you do? And then the standard will kind of get kicked up a little bit higher.

Speaker 2: 16:57

But until then, hey man, I'm looking forward to that standard being kicked up. Yeah, and I didn't appreciate how low the standard was until my wife gave birth to our son, our first son, and when dad kept seeing me there every day and someone said hey, you can go whenever you'd like. Yeah, and I was like what do you mean? I can go whenever I like, my wife is here.

Speaker 1: 17:20

Yeah, what do you?

Speaker 2: 17:21

mean I can go, no. And I was like in my mind. I remember thinking what would I look like going home laying in our comfortable bed while my wife is there laid up in the hospital bed being poked and prodded five times a day? Make sure she and the baby are okay. But I'm at home, comfy, got my feet up, chilling, popping popcorn, watching movies and then just send her like a message hey you good Like nah, I'm going to be here every day until they come home and then even going from that, yeah, and even more from that.

Speaker 2: 17:53

Then, even when they had the information come out, it was like Jude, which is my oldest son's name, jude, child of Candace, and that's my wife's name, and I was like no, it's child of Candace and Edwin and the social worker and everything came in and do all the social working stuff, which is great. No-transcript. Whatever you want to talk to her about, I mean you can also talk to me and include me on that conversation, because I'm that child's pappy and I'm over here.

Speaker 1: 18:32

I'm that baby papa, yeah man, yeah that, and I've I've experienced that in a lot of different places, like even at daycare. So, my little ones, I have a six-month-old as well, or he's eight months, he's not six months anymore. Goodness, he's running in a walker now.

Speaker 1: 18:47

I got an eight-month-old and I go to daycare and I spend lunch with them on my lunch break. When I'm in the office, I'll roll up it them on my lunch break. When I'm in the office, I'll roll up. It's about four minutes away, so I go and roll up over there, have lunch with them and they're like oh my God, you're such a great dad for eating. I'm like this is I'm just spending time with my little ones. I miss them.

Speaker 1: 19:03

Like I got my toddler in daycare as well, so I go and visit both of them right before. Like when they're having lunch, I just go and hang out with them, sing to my infant why he falls asleep or whatever, and puts him, put him down. But it's, I'm like yo, I love being a dad and, like you said, I don't like the. I don't like all the compliments of me being a great dad, cause I just I'm just here and I think I'm a dad to most kids, like any kids that's around me. I'm that father figure. I got the dad voice. So, yeah, man. So let's dive deeper into how, what lessons you've pulled throughout the years that you utilize to be to have a presence in your children's life.

Speaker 2: 19:45

Yeah, definitely, as I mentioned with your first question, just about the memories, or lack thereof, of what I have with my father. That is what is really drives my fathering for my sons. It's the thought of be who you needed when you were young. And I take that in a way because and I think now I don't remember when I was two and three years old, so I'm not talking that young, but I'm talking about when I was six and seven and 10 and 11, what were things that I noticed that my friends that had their dads in their lives, what did they have? What experiences they have that I did not? And how can I give those to my sons? Was there anything that they were being raised on or raised with? I thought of? Like at some point in time, my boys going to my boys are going to want to get older and go out on a date. In high school, I didn't go out on any dates in high school. I didn't know how to talk to a girl. I didn't know how to ask. I didn't know how to.

Speaker 1: 20:47

I didn't have the. I didn't have the money.

Speaker 2: 20:48

I didn't have the ride. I didn't have Because of all the things. My mom bless her to pieces, love her to the nth degree doesn't really understand and appreciate what a haircut does for a man that is on a regular basis. So I didn't have it Because, also, I got two other brothers there's three of us and she just wasn't always in the financial cards to get a haircut on a regular basis. So no slight or disrespect to her, we just didn't have that.

Speaker 2: 21:17

And so now I think about that with my sons.

Speaker 2: 21:20

Okay, my son's hair is getting long, let me make sure I get it cut, because I know what it means to them and those types of things. So now with my boy, my oldest, jude, who is getting, like I said, he's starting to get in kindergarten, I think about that with him and think about what did I need when I was in kindergarten and going on field trips and having a real lunchbox with options versus a brown bag with the sandwich chips and a squeeze it yeah, juice box, what are those other types of things? And then also the emotional stuff just around. Hey, I love my mom. I know my boys love their mom, but there's a different relaxation, a different comfort, a different presence, that you don't realize what you bring to the table until you actually are in that father position. And then you think, if you're being honest with yourself, how much you missed it and you didn't realize it because you couldn't identify it as a five-year-old saying where's the man at, where's my other half? Where can I see myself? Because I see myself in my mom.

Speaker 1: 22:23

But then there's some things my mom doesn't do that I do and that's a source of friction and I don't have a resolution I can see that now that I've got sons and I think sometimes it's the way that people or the way that we experience the feminine energy when we're of that age is different than what we would experience when a male is there.

Speaker 1: 22:44

I know that you probably notice there is a difference, like the way that your child experience their mother, versus how they experience you, and I'm going to come from my perspective in this.

Speaker 1: 22:54

I know that when my, when my girlfriend, she gets like she gets a little anxious, or she'll respond with a quick emotional response and then try to have to take it back, or she'll give like a very emotional I don't want to say outburst, but more of an emotional experience about something that they may be doing right or wrong, and then I give more of a sound like hey, that's cool, I get what you're doing, this is how we can do it better or this is how we can do different, right. So we kind of balance each other on how they interact and we stimulate the different sides of how they're in, because we got more, I got more boys and more boys and I have a daughter and then all the rest of them are boys and so the boys they get to experience. Their mom's emotional, and I'm emotional too. I'm very intimate with my little ones, but I'm also giving them a sense of peace, of getting the information that they need in a way that they would possibly need it to do better, if that makes sense.

Speaker 2: 23:58

I probably talked to that in a weird, long neurodivergent way. I've probably talked to that in a weird, long neurodivergent way, but it's one of those things that makes sense. I think, going back to societal perspective around balance, that we've gotten away from not say two mothers, not saying two fathers can't raise a son. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that there's a lack of balance there and, whereas my wife may respond in an emotional way and I may respond in a logical way, what's best for the child in that moment?

Speaker 2: 24:19

If it's best to have an overly emotional response, then as a dad, I need to pick up my emotional level and my wife can help me with that or she can cover where I have it. On the flip side, if the emotional response from the child is more emotional, peaceful or more or doesn't need to be as immediate I can, she can either tone down or I can cover for her as well, and there's a level of balance that, like I said, I feel like we as a society have gotten away from, when there's just there just is a difference. Not saying that my mom was a single mother and did a fantastic job, as I'm here now Again, the two women, two men can do a great job as well. But I think there's still something different when it comes to that balance between you're my mom, you're my dad, I am y'all, and you bring a different energy both times, in both ways. Then we can balance and play off of each other when we're both active in our child's lives.

Speaker 1: 25:16

And then so that identity part is very important. We're both active in our child's lives and then so that identity part is very important and I want to. I don't want you to feel like I'm bouncing in different places, but I like how you brought up that identity part of I'm, part of both of you and that fulfills me in this way, which gives keeps me grounded, and that I know that I can be who I want to become starting from this point, and that presence of both of them is very important, whether it's two dad and two mom, I think, or that kind of dynamic. I think that when a child goes to seek who they are and their identity, they look for the people that are in their life and they do seek it on a biological level because they will learn. Okay, this is how kids are made. Where is this other person that made me? And they have these different chemical parts of them that needs to be developed and it's all a part of that identity.

Speaker 1: 26:08

And I struggle with my identity growing up because my dad wasn't there. I wasn't raised by my mom either. Interesting enough, she's going to be on this podcast soon enough. She wants to jump on an episode. I think it's going to be five, but she wants to jump on an episode with me. So I wasn't raised by my mother either, but I love my mom. And I wasn't raised by my dad because maybe he was in prison, but I love my dad. And it wasn't until I started building that relationship with them intentionally, even if they were dismissive of it. I was very intentional about why I was doing it and it was very selfish, but I felt like it was a huge part of my identity and it helped me find groundedness in this world where I felt like who am I? I'm like nobody, cause I didn't know my mom and I didn't know my dad. I'm like I don't know who I'm, like it's always like you're a stranger walking this earth and you think about being a stranger walking the earth?

Speaker 2: 26:59

as we as creatures, as we as people, we like to have things that we can anchor back to, that we can identify a pattern based on previous experience. Yeah, and even that young, a young age, you know, are my baby and your babies. They look to see. Okay, they're bringing me a bottle, okay, I know what's time for. Or, hey, I know I'm crying, hey, there's something wrong and it's one of these two or three things that's a pattern. If I cry, I'm going to get this type of attention. They may not get it right on the first time, but they're getting it and it's such a those that pattern recognition is such a type in such an early age. And then what happens when you can't see the pattern around yourself? Okay, that person, or my homie over here, he's got a mom and a dad and then she's got a mom and a dad, but then I have my mom.

Speaker 2: 27:51

What about my dad? Let me ask my mom. And then, if it's a tough conversation, is my mom even being honest with me about it, right? And if she's not, then now, when? And then until then, who am I and where did I get my? Where do I get my quirks from? Where do I get my style, from my personality? All these different things? You're left with so many more questions than answers. It's not like it happens at 10, 11, 12. It happens much earlier.

Speaker 2: 28:19

I remember having that conversation with my mom about my biological father when I was six or seven years old, because I was like my brothers are darker than me. We see, I know who he is, I know who they are like, but there's this part of me that I just don't. I don't understand. And she knew him. Yeah, why am I different? And again, she knew him when they were teenagers. However much they got to know each other in that time of high school was one thing, but didn't know him as an adult or as a grown man. And so now I'm doing different things as I'm growing up, and me and my mom, we were still tight to this day. So we're still great, but there's, but there were definitely times and moments of hey, there's this friction there and we don't know why. Chances are there might be a biological source for this.

Speaker 1: 29:06

Man, you mentioned something at that young age. So, and I like to talk to different dads that are present, different dads that want to be present, that aren't present, estranged from their kids, that aren't present, estranged from their kids. That thing that you mentioned on, like at six years old, and we talked and you talked earlier also about patterns, right, the first pattern that kids notice is big, small, fast, slow, same, different, and same different is probably first, actually, they're able to identify what is not like the other and they look at themselves, we look at ourselves first. So that foundation of not having a person in it I definitely attest to all of that you just said, because I didn't get to talk to my mom. I had my grandmother in my life to be that person and she was salty that my mom had me at an early age and wasn't taking care of me and then my dad was in prison so she was like I was dealing with all of that resentment and everything I knew about my parents was out of a resenting lens and I had questions. So none of my questions were really truly answered and I never knew if I was loved, my mom really loved me, if my dad really loved me and I was, dad, really loved me, and I was like I'm going to these different events and they're saying, oh, when your mom gets here, and I was like, no, I got a guardian. I've always had a guardian. I didn't have a parent growing up man, so like it was always interesting to me and it's the first time I'm actually saying out loud but it was always interesting to me that I had a guardian, when they always people oh, your parents had come through and I was like my parents doesn't live here and they're like, oh, yeah, if your guardian will do this thing, and it was all. And I've always noticed that difference Okay, my grandmother is, she's not my parent Like where's this? There's this huge gap that's living there. Man, that's wild and I only want I wanted to bring attention to that, because the fathers that are trying to navigate building a better relationship with their kids and fathers that are estranged from their kids or estranged from their adult kids I still think it's important for fathers to build a relationship with the kids in their life because if they haven't had you and they don't have you, there's questions that you need to answer and questions that they are seeking, and if they're not talking to you.

Speaker 1: 31:18

Usually, if they're not talking and this is coming from being the oldest that I have my child is 15. I have that much experience but from what I noticed, if a kid isn't talking to you, it's because they feel like they can't or you're not open to having that conversation. I just want to bring that part up because I think that is. I love that you brought that up. I love that you mentioned that pattern and I love that you mentioned that how that identity folds into as early as when you start noticing that there is a difference in your life and how that brings friction in life.

Speaker 2: 31:52

I know that's a. I'm sure that's a space where you still have opportunity to learn and talk more, but, as you're saying, the patterns for me it was one of those things where you know your parents no, not my parents. My mom will be here when she gets here.

Speaker 1: 32:08

Right.

Speaker 2: 32:08

If I might be one of the last five people picked up, it's because my mom had to finish work and then had to come get me, and then my brothers have to do something else too, so there's only one. It's not mom and dad, it's just mom.

Speaker 1: 32:19

Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2: 32:20

And then the also also a bit of difference. Me and my brothers all have different last names and so you're like say, okay, now all the the Williams brother, the Williams kids get over here, and then all the Adams kids get over here, and then for me and my brothers, y'all, one, two, three, y'all come over here and that's all. So we don't even you know, we can't even group those types of patterns. Or, like I said, for me one of the biggest, most prevalent thing. I remember as a kid that I noticed a difference and really started triggering questions more.

Speaker 2: 32:48

You go out on a field trip and you see the one kid with that you know hard lunchbox that's just put out a Star Wars theme or something, and they open it up and they got the two sandwiches, they got the drinks, they got the cookies, and then they got a little bit extended money on the side just in case they still hungry. And then there was me. I got my brown bag with my sandwich, bag of chips not even my own clothes bag of chips. And then I got a little, like you said, a juicy juice, simondo, a squeeze it type thing, and then that's it. Man, it's just wow, my friend over here. He got options and he got money. Yeah, I wish I could have that and then.

Speaker 2: 33:25

But then it's one of those things where, just being a kid, you don't really realize and appreciate what life is like from the parental perspective around. Hey, I'm doing the best I can with what I got. I that what I? I'm glad I was able to give you something this time. Yeah, it may not be the same what the other person got, but I'm glad I was at least able to do something for you. And that's one of those again things I appreciate and think about it again, being introspective about my childhood and being a father now. Yeah, so much grace to my mom. I like I might think about it and it might trigger an emotion, but then it's not. Thank God that she was able to, in the moment with what she had and thank God that I'm able to take what she did great and rinse and repeat and take what she did and improve where there's an opportunity for improvement.

Speaker 1: 34:19

Yeah, no, man, that's definitely beautiful and I again, I can attest to that as well and me, growing and forgiving the life, that I had to really retrograde my mom's life to really understand how to truly heal, because all I had was, like I said, the lens was what my grandma created. And then, when I started meeting my mom, I had that same resentment growing up when I finally started spending more time around her. And then now, as going through life, as I start healing myself, I also had to look at who are these other people that I am from and really loving them for, who they are and where they are and what they've done, what the times that they had, the life and experience that they had was the cards that they were dealt. They had to make it make sense for them the best way they can, and it wasn't always in my best interest and I feel like you know, looking back, I possibly could have been.

Speaker 1: 35:12

I think all kids have this as they get older, like I'm entitled to have at least this as a as a kid, every other kid has it, I should have it too.

Speaker 1: 35:23

And then, as we get to an adult, it's like ah, yeah, that's why I didn't have it. It wasn't available to be had, like there was these other underlying circumstances that I didn't know, that they didn't tell me, that kept me from having that thing, that I feel like I was entitled to. Man, I want to. We're going to, we're going to go a few more minutes in to this podcast, so bear with me. What is something and I always ask this to every guest what is something that you would like to leave with dads at any new dads, old dads, estranged dads coming from your experience, what would be something that you would leave them with an action item that fathers can partake in to be more, to have a better, a bigger presence in their children's life. And you can pick whatever spectrum of a father you want to, whatever characteristics you want to talk to. Just let us know which one you're talking to and then go in for it.

Speaker 2: 36:23

I'm going to take an approach where I'm going to talk to every dad out there, whether you are a biological dad, a bonus dad, an uncle dad or as a don't cool, as people say grandfather raising kids. I would say the best advice that I would give to all of you out there is keep showing up. Keep showing up how they need not how you think they need, but keep showing up how they need. Those kids are at different spots in their lives and they need something different from you. That's why you've been blessed with and continue to keep showing up, because there's a there's always reasons to not be tired the car, the job, the weather, the money, whatever the case is, there's always a reason to stop. But what you have to do is find a reason why to keep going, and the reason to keep going is because they need you and you've been blessed to be a part of their lives. So I would say my advice again is to keep showing up how they need you to show up, not how you think they need you to show up.

Speaker 1: 37:35

Nice, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. I love it, I love it. And with that, we have finished our first episode of 15 minutes with dad, and it's a call-in episode, so this is awesome. The weather's been doing some things so we had to switch it up, and it got me the opportunity to test out my other functionality. So thank you, edwin, for being so patient with me and thank you for joining me on 15 Minutes with Dad. Do you want people to connect with you in any way? You can drop your handles or any projects that you're working on that you would like to push forward.

Speaker 2: 38:12

Yeah, you and I can connect and I can send you over an Instagram handle or Facebook link or anything like that. Instagram is where you, you guys, can see plenty of pictures of me and my boys. I got a whole lot of them because, man, I love looking through them, so I would say that's probably the best place if anybody wants to follow me there. I'm not a stickler about it. Enjoy the follow.

Speaker 1: 38:33

Yeah, for sure. All right, and, edwin, if you don't know I don't know if I mentioned this but we do have a Discord 15 minutes with dad server, so it's a place where dads can connect and have conversations real time conversations and ask real time questions and get real time answers with other dads out in the community. So if you want to be a part of that, edwin, I can also send you a link to that. If you haven't used Discord, it's very simple. It's like a WhatsApp, but it can be broken down into different channels, like a Slack, and I can bring you in on that. You can talk to be available for fathers if you want to give your wealth of knowledge, because it sounds like you have a plethora of knowledge, especially on the healing side, as well as being impactful and showing up for that. So I'd love to have you in the community.

Speaker 2: 39:19

Absolutely, we'll definitely connect and yeah, I use discord just like all the other. Everybody else uses social media sites and WhatsApp and Slack and all the others. So, yeah, absolutely, just go ahead and send me the link and I'll happily join.

Speaker 1: 39:31

All right, sounds, sounds good. Sounds good. Thank you all for joining us on 15 minutes with dad Again. My name is Lyric, and today our guest Edwin Jones is joining us on 15 minutes with dad. Again, my name is lyric and today our guest edwin jones is joining us for a beautiful healing series episode.

Speaker 1: 39:44

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